Taming Alec(16)

I didn’t hear from Alec for two days. I pretended that I didn’t care. I even went out of my way to avoid him. Before I stepped out of my apartment, I would crack the door to make sure that the coast was clear. Childish? Definitely. I forced myself not to think about him constantly. It was damn near impossible, but I tried. I wasn’t even sure that we’d ever clear the air, and I was trying to accept that. I might never unravel the mystery of Alec.

I was shutting off the lights in my apartment when I heard a knock on my door. I walked over to it and peered through the peephole. My stomach dropped when I saw Alec standing in the hallway.

I looked down at my shorts and ripped T-shirt, feeling self-conscious over what I was currently rocking. I rolled my eyes at myself. It wasn’t like he’d care about what I was wearing anyway. I took a deep breath to calm myself before unlocking and opening my door, bringing me face to face with the man that haunted my dreams and every waking thought.

After a moment of silence that seemed to stretch far too long, he finally cleared his throat. “Hey.”

I raised an eyebrow but said nothing. I was still pissed off from our last conversation.

“Mind if I come in?” he asked when he realized that I wasn’t going to respond.

I shrugged as I stepped back to let him in. “Sure. Why not?”

He moved past me, and I closed the door. We stood there awkwardly, neither of us sure what to say.

He reached out and took my hand. “Sit with me.”

I followed him over to the couch and sat down next to him. I tried to pull my hand away, but he held on tightly.

“I’ve thought a lot about what you said. I wanted to come talk to you that night when I made it home, but I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. You were pissed, and I knew I’d say something stupid. I needed time to clear my head and figure out what’s going on.”

“What is going on, Alec?”

“What you said the other night…you were right about a lot of things. Before we go any further, I want to be clear about something. I am an *, Rebecca. I’ve slept with more women than I can count, and I’ve never once regretted it. I knew what they wanted, and I was only too happy to oblige. You have me up on this pedestal, but I’m not the guy you seem to think I am. I’ve done a lot of stupid shit in my life, and I don’t regret any of it. It’s made me who I am.”

“I don’t think you’re perfect, Alec. I’ve never thought that. I know you have issues. I just don’t understand why you try to make me think the worst of you.”

“Because I see the way you look at me, and you deserve someone better. You’re so innocent, Rebecca. Girls like you are few and far between. When I’ve come across them, I always run the other way. But with you, I couldn’t. I tried, but it was like something kept pulling me toward you.”

I looked down at our joined hands. “I felt the same way. I thought I was going crazy. I’ve never cared about a guy the way I care about you.”

“I know what you mean. Look, I’ve always been the way I am. As soon as I was old enough to start paving my own path, I did everything I could to rebel. My father wasn’t around enough to know what I was doing. If he noticed, he didn’t seem to care. After my mom died, I was raised by nannies. As soon as I got attached to one, he’d get rid of her and hire someone else. I learned quickly not to depend on anyone. Everyone leaves. My dad remarried a few times, and even those women didn’t hang around long. They couldn’t stand how he was always gone, so they left. They didn’t want to be saddled with his kid.”

I realized the root of the problem. Alec would push people away because he didn’t want to get close to anyone, only to have them abandon him.

“So, that’s what it is, isn’t it? You’ve been alone your entire life. You’re afraid to trust anyone,” I said.

He shrugged. “I suppose you could chalk it up to daddy issues. It doesn’t matter. I made myself the way I am.”

“No, you didn’t. Circumstances made you the way you are, but you don’t have to be that way. Eventually, you’ll have to trust someone even if it isn’t me,” I said softly.

He frowned. “I’ve never wanted to get close to someone the way I have with you. When I saw you, I knew shit would hit the fan.”

“Why do you keep pushing me away?” I asked. “I’ve done nothing to hurt you, yet you’re determined to crush me every chance you get.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for that. It’s just…when I look at you, I want things I can’t have. There’s no way I could get tangled up in a relationship, and that’s exactly what you’d expect from me.”

“Why couldn’t you?”

He gave me a look that said he thought I was a moron. “Because I’m not relationship material. I never have been.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re an idiot. Have you ever even tried to open yourself up to someone and have a real relationship?”

He shook his head. “Nah, I don’t want to be tied down.”

“Then, how do you know that you’re not relationship material?”

“I just do.”

I wanted to beat my head against the table. Actually, I wanted to beat his head against the table. He was so lost and so damn stubborn that he couldn’t see past what he thought was right.