TABOO: THE COMPLETE SERIES(16)

It would be more because he will desire me. He will want me as one wants the person they love and not as captive and captor.

And to the universe I make this vow: I will not force him. He will come to me.





WELDON





I woke up to the sound of someone throwing up in the bathroom.

My senses were on alert when I saw the bathroom door half open and Jake next to the toilet retching violently. “Jake?”

He looked up at me and I could tell he was weaker than last night. What could have gone wrong in the span of a night? He had a panic attack but he hadn’t had any nausea before this. “What’s going on?” I asked when he didn’t reply. Jake pushed the flush and tried to stand but I had to help him. He was in pain. “Come on,” I said, helping him to the door. “Let’s get you your medicine.”

“I already took it,” Jake said.

“You took them without food? That’s not good, you could hurt your stomach lining. Never take medicines on an empty stomach.”

“Yes well, I can’t seem to keep anything down anyway.”

I was aware that severe anxiety sometimes messed up your stomach and made you nauseous. Either that or the infection was making him sick. But Trey had given him something for that, so I wasn’t concerned about the infection lingering. What I was concerned about was to make him feel comfortable enough for his stomach to settle down. So, I helped him to the bed and made him lie down and ordered some breakfast for us both. I made sure he got everything healthy and to build his strength up, I ordered fruits and juices.

“There’s a fridge on this floor,” I told him. “Doesn’t matter if I’m around, you have to feed yourself. I won’t be lenient about that. You should get what you feel like eating.”

“I’m not much of an eater.”

“That needs to change.”

Jake looked at me, trying to understand I supposed. “What’re you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“This… this good guy act. What’s this all about?”

“It’s not an act.”

“So, I’m supposed to believe that the guy who basically tortured me the other night, raped me with a fucking… fuck I can’t even bring myself to say it! You’re telling me your heart is in the right place? What do you like to torture people occasionally to get your rocks off, is that it?”

“There are rules. Your father knew them before he signed you and Colton off to us. He sold you to us, Jake. You and your brother, he wasn’t concerned about your well-being. Even him trying to get you to leave this place was an act.”

“I can’t believe you’re rationalizing what you did!”

“I have a sickness,” I said, with all the sincerity I could bring into my words. “I’m trying to get a handle on it. I tend to lose control when I’m angry. But I’m not a monster, Jake. I don’t want you to look at me that way. What happened that day was an isolated incident, it won’t happen again.”

He was confused. I didn’t blame him. I had very little clue myself as to what was happening here. “You seriously expect me to believe that?”

I stood and picked up my cell phone from the nightstand, and speed dialed the concierge so I could order breakfast. “I can’t force you to believe me, Jake. I just want you to give me the time to prove it. Actions speak louder than words, right?”





JAKE





Trying to find my way back was exhausting.

Something inside me was dead. All I wanted was for it to go back to what it was before that night but nothing. I was trapped. Not just in this place but in the darkness, that came from within me. I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, for hours and hours, waiting. Needing to see something of my old self. Even the slightest bit of the old me, but there was nothing there. It’s like that guy was dead and in its place, was someone, something that I didn’t recognize.

I picked up the shot glass and filled it with vodka and downed it fast. I winced at the burn for only a second before pouring myself another. Maybe the alcohol will kill me. Maybe it will kill the darkness. Whichever came first, I’d be happy with it. You can’t feel the pain of a brutal torture if your liver is rotting. You can’t feel pain if you’re deteriorating.

Shot after shot after shot, I drank until I felt numb. Until there was no pain. Until there was nothing. And then I dropped to the bathroom floor.

No one was coming for me.

If I died now, no one would know.

Colton was the only person who might feel my loss but maybe he was better off without me. I could even save myself how was I supposed to save him? Nothing was in my control. Not even my own body or my heart or my head.

Fuck I was losing my mind, wasn’t I? I was finally going insane. Right now, being stuck in a mental facility forever sounded like an improvement. If I was mad I didn’t have any responsibility. If I was mad I wouldn’t worry about saving my brother because I would be so out of it. If I was out of it, the pain of not being able to see Colton wouldn’t hurt the way it did.

I glanced at the bottle. It was almost empty so I drank whatever was left and smashed it on the tiles.

The floor was covered in shards.

Shattered.