Stranger Than Fanfiction(6)
“Now we’ll go to Terrence Wallem for the next question,” the announcer said.
The Hollywood reporter from The Hollywood Reporter aggressively flipped through his notes as he formed a question. He was in his late sixties and one of the most feared television critics in Los Angeles. Terrence was infamous for finding something to dislike in everything he watched. He said Game of Thrones was “too soft,” Downton Abbey was “juvenile,” and The Big Bang Theory was “an insult to intelligent people.”
Judging by the irritated look on Terrence’s face, he would rather have been having a colonoscopy with no anesthesia than be sitting at WizCon among the Wizzers.
“My question is for Mr. Zimmer,” Terrence said. “With all due respect, this show is all over the place. In the same episode your characters were swimming in the rivers of Ancient Mesopotamia during one scene, and then hiking through the craters of Mars in the next. What exactly inspired you to create this show?”
“I’ve always been a huge fan of science fiction and history, and no one had intertwined them yet—at least as well as I thought I could,” Damien said, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Originally I wrote it for myself to star in, but once I began developing it with the studio, I decided the part wasn’t right for me. I told them it would be better for the show if I stayed off camera and put all my creative energy into the writer’s room.”
“Right,” Terrence said, and made a note of it. So far, the creative side of this panel wasn’t impressing him.
“Our next question will be from Kylie Trig,” the announcer said.
The audience cheered for YouTube personality Kylie Trig as if she were an actor in the show. Kylie stood and waved to her admirers like a pageant contestant. She was in her late teens, had bright blue hair, and wore cat’s-eye glasses and a rainbow tutu. Even before she opened her mouth, she was a lot to take in.
“Helloooo, Wizzers!” Kylie said into her microphone with the energy of a coked-out toddler. “It’s so good to be back at WizCon!”
It wasn’t long ago that Kylie was just another Wiz Kid superfan following the cast from airport to airport, hotel to hotel as they traveled the country on press tours. Kylie started vlogging about her brief encounters with them (stretching the truth from time to time) and developed a following of her own. As the show gained an audience, so did Kylie’s videos.
Today, she was one of YouTube’s most watched personalities and had become a New York Times bestselling author when HarperCollins published her debut memoir, Confessions of a Fangirl: A Wizzer Love Story. According to Forbes magazine, Kylie Trig was now worth more money than the whole cast put together.
Interestingly enough, the success of Wiz Kids went to Kylie’s head more than it went to the head of anyone officially attached to the show. The girl who used to wait outside in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of Cash, Amy, or Tobey would now only go to Wiz Kid events if she was paid six figures and flown private. In Cash’s opinion, Kylie Trig was the American Dream for a new generation.
“My first question is for Cash and Amy,” Kylie said. “What is the fate of Peachfuzzle? And do you love Peachfuzzle as much as the Peachfuzzlers?”
Cash stared at Kylie like she was speaking another language, but he consciously kept his emoting to a minimum so his face wouldn’t be turned into an obnoxious meme later.
“Huh?” Cash asked. “What’s a Peachfuzzler?”
Kylie playfully rolled her eyes as if he had asked her if blue was her natural color. “The shippers who ship Dr. Peachtree and Dr. Bumfuzzle,” she said. “I’m sure you’ve seen the hashtags.”
“I thought they called themselves Bumtrees,” Cash said.
Kylie shook her head. “We changed it.”
Terrence Wallem looked from side to side in a daze. He had no clue what the hell anyone was talking about. Whatever Peachfuzzlers or Bumtrees were, they couldn’t be appropriate for the children in the audience.
“Cash and I couldn’t be more thrilled so many people care so deeply about the relationship between our characters,” Amy said, desperate to say something before the panel was over.
“So will they be on or off next season?” Kylie asked. “Cash?”
This was a very tricky question, especially since Cash didn’t have an answer. The “shippers” were the most passionate group of the Wiz Kids fandom. If Cash said something they liked, his social media would be flooded with pictures, videos, and GIFs of Dr. Bumfuzzle and Dr. Peachtree kissing or looking lovingly at each other. If he responded with something they didn’t like, his social media would be bombarded with pictures, videos, and GIFs of decapitated animals, human feces, and militants destroying priceless artifacts. He had to be careful.
“Well, they’ve been on and off since season five,” Cash said with a nervous quiver in his voice. “So, since they were mostly off last season, I would assume they’d be back on next season.”
His answer was music to the Peachfuzzlers’ ears. The shippers throughout the audience stood and applauded. It was an emotional moment of triumph for them, as if the football team from their hometown had just won the Super Bowl.
“For the next question, we’ll go back to Jennifer Smalls,” the announcer said.
Jennifer leaned back in her seat, retracting her head like a snake about to strike. Cash mentally braced himself for the venom coming his way.