Stanton Bliss(33)

“I think maybe you’re right and we should get an apartment for a while.”

His eyes hold mine. “You don’t want to go home to our house?” he asks.

“No.” I stand and take my plate back to the sink. “I don’t think I ever will.”

He watches me but remains silent.

“People were in our house, Joshua, and we were filmed in our bed. There is no bigger invasion of privacy than that.”

He stays quiet as he thinks. We’ve never discussed this before, and even though I know he knows, he has never once asked about what was on the footage from our house.

“What did you see?” He replies.

That angry burn starts to scorch through my veins. “I watched us have sex in every damn position possible.”

He stays watching me.

“How many people do you think have watched the tapes?” I snap.

He purses his lips.

‘The police, Amelie, her helpers.” I raise an eyebrow.

His eyes drop.

“Anal.”

His eyes flick back up to mine.

“Yes, Josh. We were filmed having anal sex. We were filmed in every derogatory position you can imagine and it’s forever burned into my brain.”

“For f*cks sake.” He growls as he runs his hands though his hair angrily.

“Can we stay at the hotel we stayed at when we got broken into for a little while when we get back?” I ask.

“Yes, of course,” he mutters, lost deep in thought.

Thunder claps loudly and my eyes drift to look out of the window. It’s getting dark and cloudy outside. My mind goes back to me walking in the forest after I escaped during the time before the impending storm. I was so desperate to find shelter before the rain started. The dark forest was so unwelcoming and I kept staring up at the sky, willing it to hold off. A cold chill runs down my spine as the memory becomes too real, too raw.

Stop it. It’s over.

It’s so cold. I walk into my bedroom and retrieve a woollen blanket from the end of our bed, wrapping it around me for protection. I’m hoping that by warming myself up it’s going to make the memory of being cold and petrified leave me. It thunders again and I sit down on the end of the lounge, bringing my feet up in front of me. Please, stop. Please don’t rain. My heart rate starts to pick up and my anxiety rises.

Joshua watches me. “You ok?” He frowns.

“I’m just tired,” I reply too quickly.

“We will have an early dinner and turn in.”

“Yes.”

The thunder rumbles loudly and I jump. I get a flash of me sitting on the bed in the dark with a gun, staring out the window as the lightning flashed. The rain is hitting the window and my feet are hurting. I’m wearing clothes that are way too big and smell of camphor. I stand and walk to the bedroom. I need to get away from all of this.

More thunder.

I see myself breaking the glass with a rock to get into that house. I inhale deeply. God, stop it.

I sit on the end of the bed and close my eyes. Calm down, calm down. The heavy raindrops start to fall, and I feel my anxiety rise further.

“Natasha?” Joshua asks quietly as he comes after me. “Are you ok?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” I snap. Just leave me a f*cking lone.

“Do you want a cup of tea?”

I nod. “Yes, please.” He walks back into the kitchen and the rain comes down – heavy torrential rain – and I feel tears swell in my eyes. The vision of waiting in that tin shed with a gun in the pouring rain takes over me. I hate this. I hate seeing this. Make it stop.

“Here.”

I look up in surprise to see Joshua is back with my tea already. I go to take it, but my hand is shaking.

Joshua watches my hand for a moment. “You are getting a migraine.” His voice is soft and caring.

I drop my head.

It continues to pelt down with rain and I scrunch up my face in pain as the vision of Amelie standing in front of me fills my head.

Joshua drops to sit next to me on the bed. “What is it, baby?”

I’m holding the gun at her and she’s goading me. I close my eyes to try and block it out.

“Tash, what’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong.”

I shake my head and screw up my face. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

Joshua wraps his arms around me. “Ssh.”

The lightning crashes again and I jump in his arms.

“Its ok, baby. Its ok,” he whispers.

I start to cry uncontrollably against Joshua’s chest as he holds me.

“You don’t have the guts.” Amelie sneers in my mind.

I feel myself lose control and pull the trigger three times.

She falls to the ground bleeding and my tortured eyes meet Joshua’s.

“I killed her.” I sob. “She died because of me.”

The noisy rain comes down and I cry even harder. “M-make it stop,” I stammer.

“Make the rain stop.”

“Baby, let’s get into the shower,” Joshua whispers.

I nod nervously.

“Natasha,” I hear Cameron yell from the front door.

“In here,” Joshua calls out.