Stanton Bliss(29)

He turns and smiles despite his glazed eyes. “You should maybe think of a career in Psychology.”

I grin. “Nah, I got enough of my own shit going on.”

My eyes find Joshua who is smiling proudly.

Nicholas seemingly pulls himself together. “Lets talk about you two.”

I smile at Joshua and take his hand. Weirdly, talking about someone else’s problem has made me feel better.

“How are things physically between you?”

Joshua raises his eyebrows in horror and glances at me.

“I’m here as a doctor, not a weird friend.” He smirks.

“Excellent.” I smirk.

Joshua raises a single eyebrow in jest. “Excellent?” He mouths proud of himself.

“That’s great.” Nicholas smiles.

“Sexual malfunction is common in PSTD.”

Joshua frowns. “PSTD?” he asks.

“Post traumatic stress disorder.”

“Nope, we don’t have that,” Joshua tells him, relieved. “We definitely don’t have that.”

My stomach sinks a little, I might have.

“And the communication between you two?” Nicholas asks.

“It’s fine,” Joshua replies a little too quickly.

Nicholas’ eyes hold Joshua’s. “So, you have discussed with her the information that was presented in court, along with your desire to end your life in prison?”

Joshua’s head drops and my eyes close in pain.

“And Natasha, have you told Joshua anything about what happened to you in that room?”

I don’t answer, simply staring straight ahead.

“How you escaped?”

I drop my head and my anxiety starts to rise.

“What you had to do to survive?”

I shake my head softly.

“Natasha, you know more than anyone that you need to talk and you need to vent, write down all your feelings. Writing in a diary is your coping mechanism. Why haven’t you been doing that?”

I stare at him for an extended time. I want to answer, I really do, but the lump in my throat is blocking my voice.

“Why, Natasha?”

The tears form behind my eyes.

“I need you to vocalise it for me so I understand – so that Joshua understands.”

I drop my head again and Joshua wraps his arm around me. “Look, this is too much,” Joshua warns him. “I don’t want her getting upset.”

“And why is that Joshua? Why do you feel you have to walk on eggshells around Natasha?”

Joshua frowns. “Why do you f*cking think?”

Nicholas turns to Joshua. “How has everything been with you?”

“Fine,” he replies defiantly.

“So, you are off your sleeping medication?”

Joshua doesn’t answer and my eyes rise to his in question. “What?”

Joshua rubs his hands through his hair in frustration. “I’m just having trouble sleeping, that’s all. It means nothing.”

“What do you think about when you’re awake at night?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing at all?”

“Nope.”

“I think I know what you think about. Natasha got taken on your watch.”

Joshua’s cold eyes stare at Nicholas.

“It was your fault she nearly died. It was your fault that Amelie did this. It was your fault Natasha had to go through this.”

Joshua stands swiftly.

“She was your fiancé. You should have protected her.”

“Shut up,” Joshua whispers coldly.

“This is all your fault. Isn’t that right, Joshua?”

“Yes!” he snaps. “Of course it’s my f*cking fault.”

I shake my head as tears pool to blur my vision. “No, baby, this wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was.” Joshua sucks in precious air into his lungs as he tries to calm himself down.

“We will come back to this in a moment.” Nicholas smiles sympathetically.

He turns his attention back to me. “I have an assignment for you, Natasha.”

I like assignments, I smile. “Ok.”

“I would like you to go back and fill in your diary for me. Tell me about what happened when you were taken, day by day.”

My face falls and I shake my head.

“Why not?”

I stay silent.

“I…” I hesitate. “I don’t.” I stop as the tears start to run down my face and the lump in my throat hurts me.

“Why, Natasha. I would like you to give me a reason.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m scared,” I whisper.

“You don’t want to go back there.”

I shake my head quickly.

“It was terrible, wasn’t it?”

I nod sharply.

“Its better not to think about it, isn’t it?”

I nod again.

“You know how we talked about me needing to learn to live with being in love with two men?” Joshua and I both nod. “I need you two to learn to live with something, too. You need to acknowledge what has happened to the both of you. You need to acknowledge that you have both survived a life-changing event. You’re different people now.”