Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1)(7)

His right eye twitched twice and I knew it was a look of hurt that I saw on his face before his gaze darted to Will and then back to me. His hand went to the back of his neck the way it always did when he was stressed or struggling with what to say. He breathed heavily through his nose before saying, “Sarah, people f*cking died tonight, I had other shit to deal with.”

“I’m well aware of that, that’s why I dealt with the shit of taking off my own wedding dress, to save you the trouble.”

He flinched at my words.

“I didn’t mean it like that Sarah and you know it. I would never…”

Before he could finish, his phone rang again. He ignored the call. A few seconds later, Luke’s phone rang. Liam and I stared at each other as Luke answered his call, and Will hesitantly went back to working on his laptop.

“Taxi will be here in twenty minutes,” Luke told Liam.

“You going to the office? Take the car, I’ll get a lift from someone.”

Liam’s head dropped back, and he stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds. Luke was watching me, Will had stopped typing, and I knew without looking at him that he was looking at me too. My husband’s gaze finally met mine and I thought for a moment he was going to cry.

“Bub, I have to go to Australia.”

I laughed. I had no clue why, but I laughed.

“What?”

“We managed to get on a flight at lunchtime today.”

“But what about—you can’t just leave me—we’re . . .” I trailed off as I finally took in his words. “You’re f*cking kidding me?”

“I have no choice. I have to be there.”

“You have every choice, and you don’t have to be there, you want to be there.”

I turned and started to leave the room, but Liam grabbed me by the arm and spun me around.

“Slow the f*ck down,” His teeth gritted together as he got right in my face and spoke. I heard the sound of a chair scrapping across the flagstone floor and both Will and Luke appeared over Liam’s shoulders.

“Take your hands off me,” I told him very quietly. He looked down at where his hand was wrapped around my arm and instantly let go.

Both of his hands raked through his hair. “I’m sorry. If there were any other way, I’d choose it. Believe me, I’d choose it in a heartbeat but this is my job, our future. I love you and I’m sorry, so f*cking sorry but I have to be there.”

Shortly after the sun rose that morning, my husband left in a taxi to go back to Australia with his dad and Shain. I was hurt and angry. I refused to wave goodbye to him and offered only my cheek when he tried to kiss me. He rested his forehead against my temple and whispered, “I’m sorry,” into my ear instead. Then he left.

After just a few hours’ sleep, I was staring up at the ceiling of my bedroom in Suffolk with my best friend sleeping beside me rather than my husband of less than twenty-four hours.

I felt like a total bitch after the way I’d behaved towards Liam before he’d left that morning. Yeah, it was my wedding day, so obviously I was more than a little disappointed that things went the way they did and that I was lying next to a snoring Sasha and not on my way to my surprise honeymoon destination with Liam. But in the grand scheme of things, my having to take off my own clothes or sleep anywhere other than next to my husband on our wedding night was irrelevant.

Three men had lost their lives yesterday, and my poor husband was about to sit on a plane for around twenty-two hours before having to face the families of two of those men. He would have to deal with the press, coroners, and all of the legalities that went along with whatever investigations would be required. He would also have to make arrangements to repatriate the body of the only single man involved with his family in Germany.

I’d offered to go with him before he left. I knew it was a stupid suggestion even as the words were leaving my mouth, but I just felt so, I didn’t know, rejected? Liam had tried to let me down gently with his words, but I was still hurt.

It was childish and selfish, and it meant that he left alone, without a wave, a kiss or any kind words from me. Leaving me with ten days off work and nothing to do with myself except think about the way I’d behaved.

My phone vibrated beside me.

Aussie Boy: I love you, and I’m so very sorry. Why don’t you change the tickets and take Sash away with you somewhere? I promise to make it up to you once I’m home. L x

Smiling, I stroked my finger across the words on the screen, as if by doing so, it would help me feel closer to him. Despite my behaviour, it was him that was reaching out first when it should’ve been me.

Me: Stop saying sorry. Shit happens! It should be me apologising any way. I’m sorry about my little hissy fit. I don’t think I wanna go anywhere without you. I might just change the dates and we’ll go whenever we can. Where are the tickets? I’ll contact the agent and see if that’s possible. Are you on the plane yet? X

Aussie Boy: Ohhhh, you said shit. I’m telling. Archie has the tickets. Do I still come up on your phone as Aussie Boy? L x

Me: You do. Why?

Aussie Boy: I want you to change it to husband. L x

Me: Why?

Aussie Boy: Because that’s what I am. Don’t question me woman. JFDI ;) x

Me: What’s JFDI?

I fiddled with my phone and changed his name in my contacts.