Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1)(10)

“Margaret Sinead Delaney, will you please stop saying that word.”

“Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. It’s just a word, Mother, and if I remember rightly, one of the first that Liam ever said. Ironic really that he went on to marry one.”

I watched Marie hide behind her hand, while I continued to hide behind my glass at the conversation going on in my kitchen.

“It was only Liam’s first word because you taught it to him.” Lori turned to me looking mortified. “I’m so sorry, Sarah, my daughter has no filter.”

I shook my head and curled both my lips between my teeth while trying not to laugh.

“I hear much worse from your son and my brother, so it’s honestly not a problem.”

“Well, that doesn’t make me feel much better.” She took a large gulp of her wine. “I know Liam mentioned that you don’t swear, so I’m sorry if Maggie’s language offends you.”

“I’m not offended in the least, and besides, my language has become a little more colourful since meeting your son.”

“How many bedrooms does this place have?” Marie intervened with an obvious attempt to get her sister off the hook.

“Four.”

“Room for lots of babies then.” She winked as she spoke.

I felt all of their eyes on me.

“If your brother had his way, I’d be pregnant right now.” I blushed as I admitted to this.

“Funny that he never mentioned having kids with The C-word person.” Maggie tilted her head and gave her mum a saccharine sweet smile before continuing, “And they were together for years. Then you come along and bam, he can’t wait to get you knocked up.”

Marie sat and stared at me with a huge smile on her face before saying, “I think it’s great. He knew Olivia wasn’t right for him, and he knows that Sarah is. I’m so glad that he’s found someone. I thought I was gonna be the only one to ever have kids out of the three of us.”

“You don’t want kids, Maggie?” I asked.

“Not sure how much you know about this baby making lark, darl, but it needs a man and a woman to make it happen.”

“So? Find a man and make it happen.”

She let out a long sigh and shrugged her shoulders. “One day, Sarah, one day.”

“Do you want a family straight away? You’re still very young.” I took a sip of my wine before answering Lori. I had always just assumed that was how it would go, but . . .

“I think I’d like to wait a little while, just a year maybe.” I still harboured fears about what kind of parent I’d be. I was terrified of being bad at it, or even just mediocre. I wanted to be a good mum and wasn’t yet sure if I was ready for that. I wasn’t sure how much Liam had told his family about my parents, and standing in our kitchen, sharing what was just a normal conversation amongst family, was strange. It made me not only think about what I’d missed out on but also how much worse it could’ve been if it weren’t for my grandparents and Luke. The emotional turmoil churning inside me must’ve shown on my face.

“No crying.” Marie pointed her finger at me again. I wiped under each of my eyes, feeling embarrassed. Lori put her arm around my shoulders, the dam burst and I sobbed.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, sweet girl. You’re more than entitled to cry. You’ve had an emotional twenty-four hours.”

“I was such a bitch to him before he left.”

“He abandoned you on your wedding day, you’re entitled to be a bitch.”

“Not helping, Mags.” I heard Marie tell her sister from over Lori’s shoulder. She now had both her arms around me and was swaying us both too and fro in a soothing motion. I stepped out of her arms and leant back against the counter to compose myself.

It wasn’t just the guilt I was feeling over Liam’s departure. I was also feeling a little overwhelmed with the attention I was getting from these three women. Don’t get me wrong, I loved them all already, I just wasn’t used to this kind of relationship. I had Nan, and I had Sasha, and that was it. I’d never had a large group of girlfriends. I was fairly shy as a kid, so Sasha was all that I’d needed and nothing much had changed really as I grew up. When I married Liam, I inherited a family that went beyond my grandparents and Luke, a whole new bunch of people that cared, who were interested in my life, and who might, potentially, one day love me.

I took a deep breath and turned and faced them all.

“Sorry,” I said again.

“Forget it.”

“No worries, darl.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart.”

They all spoke at once.

Just at that moment, Jarrah, Marie’s son, came flying through the back patio doors.

“Hey, Sarah, d’you have a footy I can play with?”

“A foddy?” I questioned, knowing full well what he was after. “What’s a foddy? I don’t think we have those in England.”

“Sure you do. It’s a ball, ya know, one of those things you kick.”

I pretended to be confused for a moment and then gave him a fake look of understanding.

“Oh, you mean a football?” I emphasise the T sound, which he’d pronounced as a “D”. He frowned up at me before looking around at all the other adults and shrugging his shoulders.