Spiralling Skywards: Fading (Contradictions, #2)(73)

We had a good life. That was what I thought. Yeah, work had been an issue, the long hours and the travelling were a huge stress on both of us, but we were just coming out the other end of that. Things would have started to get better.

The boys were growing and becoming more independent. She would have had more time for herself over the next few years, and we would’ve had more time for each other.

The phone rang, and I grabbed it, thinking it was the hospital. It was Luke.

“What’s happening?”

“All’s quiet here, the kids are sleeping. We made a camp in the playroom. I’m the best uncle in the world.”

“That you are my friend, that you are.”

“She awake?”

“Yep.”

“Answers?”

“She had an abortion.”

“What? When? You never knew?”

“I had no clue. She got pregnant while we were in the South of France. She’d been sick before we went. Some stomach bug she picked up from Carter and then she forgot to pack her pills when we went away.”

“But I still don’t understand. Why didn’t she just tell you she didn’t want another one?”

I started to cry. I knew why she didn’t come to me . . .

“Because she knew I’d talk her into keeping it.”

“Dude. I hate to say this, but I’m with Sarah on this one. The last thing that girl needed was another rough pregnancy. Your boys are great, but fuck me, they’re hard work.”

“I know. I know why she did it. I understand. It’s my fault. I should’ve been more careful. I promised her I’d be careful, and then it was the last night, and we were drunk in the spa—”

“Yeah, Yeah. Spare me the details, please.”

“I just said some really shitty things to her.”

“She just tried to kill herself. You’ve every right to be fucked off with her. Man, I’m fucked off with her.”

“I called her a murdering cunt. I told her that I hated her.”

“Del. Fuck.”

We were both quiet for a while.

“Where are you now?”

“Sitting outside the hospital in my car.”

“Go back in. Go see your wife. You don’t hate her, Del. You lashed out because you’re scared. You two are bigger than this. You’ll get through it.”

“I love her so fucking much, and she wanted to leave me. How could she love me and the kids if she was prepared to just go like that?”

“Because it wasn’t about you and the kids. It was about her. Don’t switch this around and make it about you. It’s about her and what she’s been going through.”

I could hear the tremble in his voice as he continued to speak.

“I feel so fucking guilty. All of the hours you work, all of the times I could’ve taken on a little more and let you go home early to her and the boys, all of that and the fact that I didn’t see this coming. Didn’t realise that she was down enough to even contemplate something like this.”

“None of us saw it.”

“We let her down Del. We fucking let her down.”

“I know. I know that. It’s one of the reasons I’m so angry.”

He lets out a long shaky breath.

“Well now’s the time to step up and be there for her. You need to get back in there and tell her you love her.”

“I don’t know if she’s gonna want me back in there after the things I just said.”

“Only one way to find out. Don’t leave her in that hospital bed all on her own. She needs you now more than ever, and I think you need her just as much.”

The line went quiet again because I didn’t know what to say.

“Go see her. The boys are good with me. I’ll keep them as long as it’s necessary and don’t be worrying about work either.”

“Did you manage to get hold of Sasha? She needs to know, I think Sarah’s gonna need her.”

“Nah, but I’ll keep trying.”

“Okay. What d’ya tell the boys?”

“That mum and dad are having some grown-up time.”

“Cool, thanks. Give them all a kiss for me.”

“Will do.”

I ended the call, took in a few deep breaths, and made my way back up to Sarah’s hospital room. When I opened the door, Sarah was lying on her side facing away from me. She was crying quietly, so I toed off my boots and climbed into bed beside her, pulling her carefully against my chest.

I stroked her hair back from her face and kissed her temple.

“Don’t cry, pretty girl. We’ve got this. We’ll get through it together.”

She started to cry harder.

“You came back.”

“I couldn’t stay away. I’m so sorry for the things I said.”

“What did I do, Liam? What did I do?”

“You fucked up, bub. I’m not gonna pretty it up for you. You fucked up big time. I’m hurt and beyond angry, but I love you. We can work through this. I wanna make you better so that we can make us better.”

“What if I can’t get better? I’m so scared that I’ll end up just like my mum. I wanna get better, but I don’t know how.”