Spiralling Skywards: Fading (Contradictions, #2)(68)

She drew in a deep breath before asking, “Any questions?”

“Is she gonna be all right? Long term I mean. Are there gonna be lasting side effects?”

“I’d like to give you a definite no, but until she’s fully conscious, I can’t do that. Early indicators are, physically at least, that she’s gonna be fine.”

“Can I ask?” Luke interrupted. “The tablets she took, are they the same as Ambien?”

She nodded. “They were Ambien, from what we could tell from the packaging, made and distributed in the States.”

Luke turned to me. “They’re mine. She must’ve gone to my place and taken them.”

“You know how many were in there?” The doctor asked him.

“Only about six or seven I think. I can’t actually be sure, though.”

“Excellent. That’s even better. Obviously, the fact that she mixed them with alcohol didn’t help, and because we weren’t absolutely sure what we were dealing with, we administered a charcoal solution and pumped her stomach as soon as she arrived at the hospital.”

She had gone to Luke’s and taken the tablets. Did she know she was gonna do this? Planned it? And then something struck me.

“She kissed me goodbye.”

“Excuse me?”

“Last night. Before we went to sleep. She kissed me, but instead of saying good night, she said goodbye.”

“I told her about the tablets last night,” Luke stated.

I dragged both my hands down my face and shook my head.

“I don’t understand. I don’t fucking get it at all. Why? Why the fuck would she do this? Surely this can’t all be over what happened with the dog?”

“Sarah will receive a full psychiatric assessment tomorrow, but would you have any idea right now why she would’ve done something like this. What happened with the dog?”

I shook my head.

“There was an accident last night. The dog escaped from the house just as Sarah was pulling onto the drive, and he was hit. He didn’t make it.”

“Well, that might’ve just been a tipping point. Anything else?”

“She has seemed a little bit down in the past, but what I’ve seen of her lately, she’s been a bit brighter.”

I stared at Luke for a bit. “You think she’s been down in the past?”

“Yeah, I do. After the twins were born and then after Lucas was born especially.”

I pulled on the lobe of my ear and thought about this. Being a bit down was not the same as being suicidal.

“She’s always tired, but we have four kids. I just . . .” I let air puff out loudly from my lips. “I just thought that was how it was when you were running around after four kids all day.”

“How old are the children.”

“Eight in May, the twins are four and the baby two.”

She nodded her head. “A lot of hard work then.”

“Yeah, but she copes. Sarah’s a great mum.”

“Any history of depression in the family?”

“Yeah.” Luke jumped straight in. “Our mum, I don’t know if she was ever officially diagnosed, but I’m sure she was a manic depressive.”

“Was?”

“She died when Sarah was three. Car accident. We were raised by our grandparents.”

“Okay. I’m thinking there may have been some depression going on for a while, but I’ll let our team talk to her tomorrow, and we’ll work out a plan of action going forward based on what they say.”

“When will she be allowed home?”

“I think we’ll keep her for a day or so and then as long as we’re sure she’s not a danger to herself or anyone else, she can go home.” The doctor stood to leave. “I’ll send a nurse in to take you to see her once you’re ready.”

“Thanks, doc.”

“Yeah cheers,” Luke called after her.

We sat in silence for a long while, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I recalled conversations, comments, and interactions. There was nothing. Not a single clue that she was even considering something like this.

“I don’t know what to say, Del. I’m at a loss.”

“You and me both, mate.”

“I mean, she loves those boys so fucking much. You and them, you’re her life.”

“Perhaps we’re not enough.”

“Nah, there’s something else. Something else has happened. Something’s triggered this.”

The door opened and a nurse stepped just inside.

“Liam?” I stood and nodded. “I’ll take you in to see Sarah now.”

“This is Luke, Sarah’s brother. Can he come in with me?”

I didn’t want to face her on my own. I was scared. Scared of what I would see, scared of what I would say. What should I say?

“I’m sure that’ll be fine.”

She was in a room right opposite the nurse’s station. The bed looked huge. She looked tiny. There were machines bleeping all around her and a drip set up with saline hanging from it.

I pulled a chair up to her bed and took her hand. It was warmer than I expected, much warmer than it had felt in the ambulance and this settled me a little bit.