Spiralling Skywards: Fading (Contradictions, #2)(55)

“Doctors? Please tell me you’re not pregnant again? You look dead on your feet as it is.”

Liam seemed to flinch at Luke’s words. Did I look that fucking bad? I couldn’t even remember checking the mirror that morning before I left the house.

My hand went to my hair, and I realised I didn’t put it up like I usually did. I couldn’t even remember running a brush through it.

“No. Definitely not pregnant. My shops shut. Liam’s gonna go and get the snip. I think we’ve done our bit for the population.”

“The snip, eh? Good man. Better than putting her through any more.” Luke winked at me as Liam rolled his eyes at my brother.

“Take that cardigan off, Sunshine. I’ll give it a wipe.” I pulled off the skinny cotton cardigan I was wearing and handed it to my brother. And just to add to my humiliation, it was then that I looked down at my top and found that not only was I wearing it inside out, but also backwards.

The twins were let lose to run amuck around Liam’s office, and I watched in a haze of exhaustion and hurt as he moved anything breakable out of their reach. They found the box of toys that he kept there for whenever the boys visited and sat down to play noisily. Liam came over and took Lucas from me, holding our youngest close to his chest.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He reached out and tucked some hair behind my ear. I flinched. It was the same hand that was flung over Cassie’s shoulder. I didn’t want it touching me. I didn’t want it near my children really, either, but I had no choice but to watch as Liam patted Lucas’s back with it.

“Bub?”

“The school called.” I grasped at the only thing that wasn’t accusations.

“What? Why?”

“They want one of us to go up for a meeting to discuss the ‘difficult’ phase Carter is going through.” I used air quotes for the word difficult.

“Fuck. What’s he done?”

“She wouldn’t say.”

“I’ll call them and see if I can get up there tonight.”

“Thanks.”

He gave a small laugh. “Don’t thank me, he’s my kid, too.”

“Well, thanks for taking this one on. It’s a bit hard for me to sit and have a meeting with anyone when I have to take these three everywhere I go.”

“I’ll sort it. Don’t worry, it’ll be something and nothing. I wish we hadn’t sent him to that stuck-up place to be honest with ya.”

“It’s a good school.”

“It’s full of obnoxious little English brats whose parents are even more obnoxious and even bigger English brats.”

“Oh, so let’s blame the English now, shall we?”

“Oh, come on, Sarah. They’re a bunch of fucking snobs up there—stuck-up English pricks, the lot of them.”

“Well, your kids happen to be English, as is your wife and your business partner, so we can’t be that fucking bad, can we?” I screamed at him.

“Sarah.” Luke stepped out of the bathroom and shouted my name. “Keep it the fuck down.”

Tears spilled over and ran down my face. I snatched my cardigan from my brother as he held it out to me and pulled it on without bothering to turn my other top the right way.

“Boys, say goodbye to Daddy and Uncle Luke, we’re going.”

I felt so humiliated. Humiliated hurt, angry and tired.

“I’ll walk you out,” Liam said as he headed towards the door.

“Don’t fucking bother.”

I gave my brother a kiss, and he pulled me in for a cuddle. “We don’t seem to see enough of each other these days.”

“Well, you know where to find me. It’s not like I ever go anywhere.”

“I’ll be round. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Liam followed me out, despite my telling him not to. He helped me strap the kids into their seats, but when he attempted to kiss me goodbye, I snapped, “Fuck off and kiss Cassie.”

I slammed the door of my car and locked it before he could pull it back open. Then I drove away, leaving him standing there, watching me with his hands pushed down deep into his trouser pockets.

After leaving the house at eight thirty that morning, I finally picked Carter up at school, treated the kids to a happy meal from the drive through, finally arriving back home at four. Once they ate, I gave them quick baths and put them to bed early. I forced myself into a shower and climbed into bed at seven o’clock. Thinking about how much of a failure I was at life, I cried myself to sleep.





Luke was leaning with his arse against my desk when I stepped back into my office, so I shut the door behind me and pressed my back against it.

“What the fuck was that all about? Seriously, you need to get her a nanny or a housekeeper or something. She looks fucking exhausted.”

I didn’t have a response. Sarah did look exhausted. She looked pale and almost lifeless, which wasn’t something I hadn’t noticed until I saw her outside our home and standing next to the women in our office, who were typically way over dressed.

I couldn’t believe she said that to me about Cassie, either. What she saw was completely innocent. Sarah and my kids were my fucking world. Other women didn’t exist for me—it didn’t matter if she were around or not.