Spiralling Skywards: Fading (Contradictions, #2)(54)

I could feel and hear my blood whoosh through my ears. I wanted to defend my child and shout down the phone that he wasn’t going through a “difficult” stage, but I knew better.

“I’ll have to check with my husband and get back to you.”

“Okay then, Mrs Delaney, I’ll expect your call. Good day to you.”

“Bye.”

I ended the call and walked in to see my doctor with a million scenarios of what Carter might have been up to running through my mind. I was so distracted that I forgot to mention the bone-weary tiredness and the strange heavy feeling I seemed to have pressing down on me. All thoughts of telling him about how some mornings I didn’t want to get out of bed and just wanted to hide from the world and sleep, were gone. But at least I was cleared to get back on the pill and resume my sex life, which would have been fantastic news if only I had the time, energy or inclination for sex.

After I managed to wrangle all the kids back into the car, hand out snacks, and give Lucas a bottle, I popped into Liam’s office, which was right around the corner. The reception area was empty, but there was laughter coming from one of the meeting rooms. I put my head around the door of Liam’s office, but that too was empty, so I continued to wait in the reception area and tried to control Archie and Flynn as they helped themselves to the water and mints that were sitting on the coffee table in front of the sofa in the waiting area.

A door flew open and Liz stepped through it. She looked a little taken aback when she saw me. It was a strange look that only lasted a second, but before I could ask her what was wrong, Flynn reached for another handful of mints and I turned to stop him.

“Sarah, hi. How are you?”

“Good thanks. Is Liam about, or Luke?”

“Um, yeah, sure. They’re just finishing up on a conference call. They shouldn’t be too long.”

“Thanks. Is it okay to wait in his office?”

“Yeah, sure. Let’s have a little look at this new baby first.”

Another younger girl who I didn’t know came out of the meeting room. She gave me a smile before sitting quietly at a desk. Liz took Lucas out of my arms to hold.

“Wow, they’re all so much like Liam.”

I knelt down and quickly collected the glass Archie had just rolled across the carpet and pulled out a tissue to wipe up the water Flynn had just spat over a pile of industry magazines that were sitting on a side table.

My heart rate seemed to accelerate exponentially, and I started to feel too warm.

I should have better control of my kids.

I should have strapped them in their pushchair.

I shouldn’t have come.

One-year-old twins and a newborn had no place in a corporate office. Whatever was I thinking bringing them here?

I had a tight grip on Archie’s hand and made a grab for the hood of Flynn’s coat as he reached for the plant sitting in the corner. Flynn had a thing for greenery and had our tree over three times at Christmas.

Just as I was pulling him backward, there was a lot of noise behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Luke come through the door first. He didn’t see me straight away as he was looking down at his phone. Aiden, one of their newer recruits was next, and then Mel and Liam, who had his arm thrown over the shoulder of Cassie, the part-time receptionist. My whole body froze as she threw her head back and laughed at whatever my husband had just said to her.

“Sunshine?” My eyes swung to meet Luke’s. “Fuck, you okay? You look...”

“I’m fine,” I mumbled.

Cassie had stopped laughing and Liam had removed his arm from her shoulder by the time I looked back at them, but the damage was done, and the rot set in. My mind reeled with the possibilities of what I had just witnessed—none of which were good.

“Sarah?” I relinquished my hold on Flynn and let him launch himself at Liam, who held our small, sticky son at arm’s length.

“Woah there, tiger. Look at the state of you, what’s that you’re wearing all down ya, banana?”

“Narna,” Flynn repeated.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

I took Lucas from Liz.

“Thanks,” I said with a small smile and proceed to follow Liam into his office.

“Oh, Sarah, you’ve got something . . .” Liz started to say.

“Oh my God, you’ve got baby vomit all down your back and in your hair. Gross.” I turned around as Mel laughed. “Gross,” she repeated, covering her mouth and nose with one perfectly manicured hand.

My eyes landed on Luke’s and he took three long strides towards me, took Archie from my grasp, and steered me into Liam’s office.

“You okay?”

No. I was not.

I wanted to get out of there.

I didn’t belong in the world of grown-ups.

My place was at home, pumping out babies and breast milk.

“What’s wrong?”

“Life. Everything.” I shrugged my shoulders, but I knew he saw that tremble in my lips as I fought not to cry. “I’ll be fine, just tired.” I waved away his concern and blinked rapidly to halt the tears.

Liam emerged from his bathroom with a clean and fresh-faced Flynn.

“Hey, bub. You go to the doctors this morning?” Liam asked as he moved in and kissed me gently on the lips.