Spiralling Skywards: Fading (Contradictions, #2)(52)

My eldest stared at me wide eyed.

“Did you bite the baby?” I asked in a quieter voice.

He looked around the room before finally making eye contact with me.

“Na ah.” He shook his head. “It was Archie.”

“Please don’t lie to me. Archie was still outside when he screamed, and he doesn’t have enough teeth yet any way.”

I was arguing with a four-year-old.

Carter shrugged his shoulders and carried on eating his grapes, looking completely unrepentant. I stood and stared at him for a while, wondering why in the world he would bite his brother. I had no idea, and no clue how to handle the situation, either. Another one of those moments where I missed my mum hit me, so I decided to call Nan, who picked up on the second ring.

“Hey, Nan. It’s me.”

“Hey, gorgeous girl. How’s the tribe?

“They’re not bad. Today’s the first day I’ve really been on my own with them. Liam left early this morning for a meeting in the city and won’t be back until late tonight.”

“How you coping?”

I looked around to check that Carter was out of earshot before I continued.

“Well, everything was going great, but Carter just bit the baby, and I’ve no clue how to handle it.”

“Oh shit. That’s not good.”

“He’s totally denied doing it, too.” I was doing great, and out of nowhere, I burst in to tears as I was talking to my nan. “He’s got teeth marks in his tiny little fingers, Nan, and I feel like such a bad Mum. Why would Carter do something like that?”

“Oh, sweetheart. Don’t get so upset. He’s probably just feeling a little bit jealous. You’re a great mum, the best. This isn’t your fault. Most kids through these little stages.”

“Did I?”

“Your circumstances were a bit different. Luke was a lot older than you, so he didn’t really have anyone around to take it out on.”

“Was he jealous of me when I was born?”

My nan let out a long sigh as I chewed on the skin at the edge of my thumb nail.

“He wasn’t, Sarah, not ever. From the very day you were born, all that boy ever wanted to do was protect you, but like I said, your circumstances were a whole lot different to Carter’s.”

“Great, so even a shitty parent like my mother can manage to raise children that aren’t spiteful, unlike me, who’s a complete failure.”

“Now, you just stop that. You are not a failure—far bloody from it.”

We were both quiet for a few moments.

“Look, I’m no expert, but what I would do is spend a little bit of one-on-one time with him when the other babies are sleeping. Have a little chat with him and explain that biting just isn’t on. Not just regards to the baby, you should make it clear that he’s not to bite anyone.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

“And please stop blaming yourself.”

That, I wasn’t so sure I could do, but I didn’t voice that fear. Not to my nan not to anyone.

“I’ll try. Thanks for the chat.”

“Anytime. Now go kiss all those babies for me, make a cup of tea, and go spend a bit of time with your first born.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I ended the call and made my way down to the playroom, where Carter was now on the floor building something out of Lego.

“What d’ya fancy for dinner tonight, mate? You can choose anything you like.”

Carter looked up at me and rolled his lips together for a few moments. He looked so much like his dad that it caused my heart to ache with how much I was missing him. Things were great between us, they always were when he took time out from work. I was just worried about them staying that way, now that he’d returned.

“Can we have fish fingers and mashed potatoes and peas please, Mummy?”

“We sure can. If you eat it all up, I might even be able to find you some ice cream cake for dessert, sound good?”

He nodded without looking back up at me.

“Thanks, mum.”

I watched him play for a few moments, still wondering what had gone through his head to make him want to bite his baby brother. He’d never been a spiteful kid. He played rough with Liam and my brother, but they were adults. He’d always been gentle around the twins, and I’d never had complaints from other parents at the playgroup or since he’d started school, so I was at a complete loss.

I needed to tell Liam about it, but I didn’t want to interrupt his meeting, so I decided to leave it until he got home from work that night. This was something we needed to discus, and decide on the best way forward together. I was still trying to work out the whys as I bathed and put them all to bed. I made sure to spend extra time with Carter. I let him have extra time in the bath without the twins and then read him two stories before he fell asleep.

I struggled to stay awake for Lucas’s last feed at eleven and must have fallen asleep with him still latched on to me. I felt Liam lift him gently out of my arms and clip my maternity vest back in place. He kissed me softly on the lips and switched out the lamp. A moment later, the bed dipped beside me, and I was enveloped in my husband’s arms and scent as he kissed my shoulder

I woke to the sound of muffled voices and bright sunlight. The baby’s crib was empty and a check of my phone told me it was just after ten in the morning. Panicking that Carter had missed the start to the school day and trying not to flip the fuck out over the whereabouts of my newborn. I rushed downstairs, calming a little as I heard Liam’s voice.