Spiralling Skywards: Fading (Contradictions, #2)(32)

The staff waved to us and shouted their well wishes as Liam helped me into the car, and then we were off to the hospital.

We were silent the entire journey, but as soon as we pull up at the hospital, I turned in my seat and grabbed Liam’s hand. “I’m so scared.”

Lupe Fiasco’s “Superstar” was playing on the radio, and he turned it up just a little. Giving me his best smile and a wink, he told me, “He’s singing about you. We’re here now. Everything’s gonna be fine. We’ve got this, and you’re gonna go in there and be a superstar.”

“I’m not scared of having the baby, Liam, I’m scared of becoming a mum.”

He reached across the centre consul and held the sides of my face in his hands.

“You are gonna be an amazing mum. You got this. We’ve got this.”

I nodded my head but still wasn’t convinced. All of my old fears began rushing to the surface. What if I was no good at this? What if I was just like her?

“Come on, let’s get you inside and find out what’s going on with this kid of ours.”

***

I spend a week in a hospital bed after suffering something called PROM, Premature Rupture of Membranes. Despite having no contractions, I was on meds to prevent them from happening. They also had me on IV antibiotics to prevent infection and steroids to help develop the baby’s lungs. I was on total bed rest, only allowed to move around to use the bathroom and shower. I was bored out of my brain.

I had my laptop with me and spent my time searching for baby names, I chatted with a few friends, mostly Sash through text, but then I found this thing called Facebook and joined that. I was still trying to figure out how to set up a profile when my phone rang. It was Will.

We didn’t see too much of him these days. He had been promoted, once again, and was now an area or regional manager for whatever nightclub chain he worked for. I would have liked to have said that things weren’t awkward between us, but I couldn’t lie.

I was okay when we were in a group together, but if it was just me and Will, I felt like the conversation was forced. I hated it. We used to be such good friends, we’d shop, go watch a film, grab a meal, or just go to the pub together, and it had never been awkward.

He came to our wedding last year, but we had only seen him a few times since then.

“Hey, Sarah Sunshine, what’s happening?”

“Meeehhh, ya know. Just lying in bed like a big round beach ball.”

“A big round beach ball? I don’t believe that for a minute.”

“Well, next time you’re passing through town, feel free to come and see for yourself. I’ve been in the hospital for over a week, and I’m going out of my already crazy little mind.”

“Hospital? Which hospital, why?”

“St Paul’s Private. My water broke last Saturday. I’m on total bed rest while they try to stop me going into premature labour.”

“Shit. I had no idea. I just got an invite from you to join Facebook, that’s what made me call.”

“You did? Oh, I must have clicked something I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to, sorry.”

“Yeah, I think it’s something in the settings you have to tick or untick, otherwise it just sends out an invite to everyone in your address book.”

“I don’t have an address book. How would Facebook know who was in my address book anyway?”

“Your email address book, doughnut.”

“Oh.” I laughed, not feeling the least embarrassed because it was Will, and this was the way it should be with friends.

“Fuck, Sarah. I miss that sound.”

“Will.” I tried to make his name sound like a warning, but it just sounded like I was attempting a deep voice.

“Sarah.” He used the same tone back at me.

“So, how’ve you been? Tell me all the exciting things that have been happening in Will Bennett’s life since I saw you last. Let me escape and live vicariously through you for a while.”

I heard him draw in and then let out a long breath.

“I love that you’re lying in bed while I talk to you.”

“A hospital bed, remember? I’m lying in a hospital bed, big, fat, and round.”

“I doubt that very much, and even if you were, I’m sure you’re still the prettiest girl around.”

Obviously, I was flattered, but I didn’t want to be the prettiest girl around for Will. I was Liam’s pretty girl, no one else’s. Will deserved his own.

“My husband tells me I am, but I can’t see it myself.”

“You should listen to your husband. He’s a wise and lucky man.”

“Yeah, he tells me that, too. So, where you living, you still in the city?”

“Yeah, I’m still in the city and still in charge of the London locations. Boss man has us all working overtime for the Triple M fundraiser coming up next month.”

“Has that been a year since the last one already? This year’s just flown by, I’ve spent most of it with my head down a toilet or lying in a hospital bed, all while you’ve been rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous.”

“I’ve actually spent most of it stuck in my car on the M25 driving, or attempting to drive, from club to club and meeting to meeting.”