Spiralling Skywards: Fading (Contradictions, #2)(30)
“You fucked up.” Good ol’ Arch, straight to the point.
“I did.”
“I find out you weren’t where you’re saying you were, you and me are gonna have a problem.” It was like listening to Luke. Even Archie’s posture was the same as his.
“I was face down, fully clothed, in a pile of whiskey puke from too much single malt after celebrating a new contract we just won. I was planning on flying straight back after the negotiations and didn’t take my phone charger with me.”
He gave a small nod.
“In the future, you make sure your phone’s charged and you have your charger. That girl was hysterical when she called us this morning. She was more worried that something had happened to you than what was going on with her.”
The jagged knife of guilt that had been sitting in my chest all morning twisted itself a little deeper, and my knuckles traced a path up and down my sternum in an attempt to ease the pain it caused.
I opened my mouth to speak at least three times while Archie and I stared at each other, but fatigue, stress, and fear all seemed to hit at once, and I felt as if I was gonna cry. The words just didn’t seem to come.
“Son, the fear, that panic you’ve experienced today, that’s just a little taste of what it’s like to be a father. You’ve now got something to worry about for the rest of your life, so you best get used to it.”
I nodded my head, still unable to speak.
“Let’s get back inside. Hopefully they’ve both finished crying by now.”
***
Mai and Archie insisted that they stay with Sarah while I went home, made sure the guest room was all set up for them, and took another quick shower before returning to the hospital for the night. I didn’t like it, but Archie “insisted”, so I went. When I got back, I found an extra bed had already been wheeled into Sarah’s room for me to sleep in. I didn’t know what they had to do to get the hospital agree to it, but I didn’t ask. I didn’t care. I would have slept on the floor.
While I’d been gone, the drips that Sarah had been hooked to earlier were taken out of the back of hand, and she no longer had the blood pressure monitor wrapped around her arm. So, while I unloaded the takeaway I brought back with me, she took a quick shower. I stood outside the door almost the whole time, listening and making sure she was okay, only moving away when I heard the water turn off. She emerged a few minutes later in a pair of long Betty Boop pyjama pants and one of my old T-shirts, and I made sure that all the pillows were piled around her again as she settled herself under the sheets.
“You gonna attempt some of this, bub?”
My breath caught as I turned to look at her again. The blood, vitamins, and iron infusions she had earlier improved her complexion and, combined with the hot water from her shower and the warmth of the hospital room, she had a gorgeous rosy glow to her skin.
“C’mere.” She gestured with her head, and I abandoned the food and went to her. When I was close, she took my hand and pulled me so I was sitting on the edge of the bed, then, despite my weak protest, she straddled my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. The need to make sure our baby was okay was almost overwhelming, and I moved my hands over her nonexistent bump, letting my eyes drift closed as I rubbed my thumbs back and forth.
“Hey, bud,” I told the baby. “I fu . . . messed up big time today.” My eyes darted up to Sarah’s, and I mouthed “sorry” for my almost swear word in front of the baby. I’d promised to try to curb my swearing once he was born, but I wasn’t too confident about how that was gonna go. I carried on my conversation with my kid. “I won’t say I’m sorry again, because I think your mum is sick of hearing me say it, but I will promise that nothing like this will happen again. Now, you just settle down for a good night’s sleep and try your hardest not to make your mum feel sick in the morning. Love ya, bud.”
“I hope you’re not gonna keep calling her bud once she’s born.”
I pulled the T-shirt back over her belly before answering.
“She’s a he, so it won’t be a problem.”
“We can find out tomorrow if we wanna.”
I leant back and took in the glow of her skin and the sparkle that lit her eyes, it again hit me just how far she had deteriorated, and I sank a bit lower into my own guilt.
“You wanna?”
She shrugged her shoulders and gave a shy smile.
“I’m not sure. What’s happened today and the possibility of finding out the sex tomorrow have just made it all so real. We’re gonna be parents.” She said it with such wonder in her voice that my nose tingled and I smiled so hard it turned into a little chuckle.
“We’re gonna be great fucking parents.”
“The best.” She smiled back.
I was allowed home the following afternoon. We decided not to find out what we were having, wanting to keep it a surprise. Nan and Grandad stayed with us for the next two weeks, which actually worked out well. Liam was able to go into the office for the time that Luke was away, and then he worked mostly from home once Luke got back.
They finally held interviews at the office and took on two interns and a junior receptionist to work alongside Liz. All of which, meant they could finally spread the load somewhat. Liam’s refusal to travel for the rest of my pregnancy meant that Luke was clocking up the air miles, something he wholeheartedly agreed to do once he found out what had happened with me while Liam was in Scotland.