Spiralling Skywards: Fading (Contradictions, #2)(16)

I was very much regretting giving up work and had decided that if I didn’t fall pregnant by Christmas, I would go and look for some kind of part-time job in January. I was even thinking of asking Liam or Luke if they had anything I could help with. At least that way I would get to see my husband a little more often.

I wasn’t sure that would be any better, though. The few times I’d turned up at the office with lunch, both Liam and Luke had eaten at their desks so they could keep working at the same time. It was boring. I’d expected a bit of banter from the two, but after the fifth or sixth time of having to sit and listen to them receive and respond to endless phone calls, I stopped bothering to turn up unannounced.

I tried arranging to meet Liam out for lunch, but he always ended up cancelling at the last minute. The last time I tried that, he completely forgot and left me sitting and waiting on my own for an hour before I gave up calling his mobile and finally called the office.

It was Mel that picked up and told me he was on a conference call and would ring me back later, which made me feel just great. I felt even worse when he never called me back and came home after I was asleep that night. In the morning, he was gone before I woke up.

I was bored with time on my hands, but these things happened I supposed. Tomorrow was Saturday, and I was hoping that Liam would take the day off so that we could go get a tree. I’d also like him to be present in the morning when I took the pregnancy test I went out and bought earlier.

I was lying on the sofa, watching the flames flicker in the fireplace, and listening to Leona Lewis sing about bleeding love when my phone vibrated.

Aussie Husband: Hey, pretty girl. You missing me? X

Me: More than you would know! X

I felt my nose sting and tears burned my eyes as I typed. I let the loneliness of missing him wash right over me then. I thought once we were back from Australia things would settle down and we’d get ourselves back into the routine we were in before the wedding. Back then, we’d often meet up straight from work for dinner, but we hadn’t done that in a long while. I felt as though I was just expected to sit around and wait for him to be free so we could see each other. We were newlyweds, shouldn’t I have been at the top of his list, his priority? Or did thinking like that just make me selfish?

I missed him. It was that simple. I wanted what we had when we were sneaking around behind my brother’s back. I wanted the nights out in bars and museums, theatres and art galleries. I wanted to drink too much and sing karaoke in front of people we didn’t know. Instead, all I seemed to do was sit at home and wait for my husband to remember I even existed. It didn’t help that Sasha was working all sorts of overtime so that she could take four weeks off over Christmas to go to Australia and spend time with Shain. That made it so I had barely seen anything of her over the last month, apart from the odd text, we’d hardley had a single conversation. They’d been working at keeping a long-distance relationship going, but I wasn’t sure if it was gonna work. Perhaps that was just me being selfish—again—and wanting to keep her all to myself, but we’d had a couple of nights out with him while I was over in Australia, and it was only then I noticed how much of a flirt he was and how often his head was turned when a pretty girl walked by.

Aussie Husband: We have one more conference call, and then I should be home. I think we may have won the contract. X

That really was good news, and I let out a breath that loosened the knot in my stomach. The business had been busy the last few weeks, and Liam had been putting together a proposal to supply oil rig workers to offshore platforms around Australia. Once again, because of the time difference, it meant a lot of late nights and early mornings; hopefully, this would now be the end of it.

Me: That’s fantastic. Shall I order some takeaway? X

My phone rang thirty seconds later.

“Hey, bub, sorry, I didn’t realise I was gonna have this long to talk, otherwise I would’ve just called in the first place.”

“That’s okay, it’s just good to hear your voice.”

“What you up to?”

“I’ve just finished my pole dancing class, so now I’m off to the strip club to put my moves into practice.”

I could hear him speaking to someone in the background.

“Sorry, gotta go, bub. I’ll be home as soon as I can. Love ya.”

The call cut off before I could reply.

“Love you, too,” I said anyway, reminding myself that I shouldn’t get upset.

My phone vibrated while it was still in my hand.

Aussie Husband: Don’t worry about takeaway. Mel just arrived with Chinese. X

Yeah. Of course she fucking did.

Good ol’ Mel!

I sat up and my head spun, making me feel sick. I wasn’t sure if it was the speed with which I moved or rage that caused it, so I stared into the fire for a few long moments and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. When I was sure I wasn’t going to throw up, I stood and made my way to the kitchen. Since I was eating alone . . . again, I made myself a milky hot chocolate and two slices of Nutella on toast. Then, I headed up to bed with the book about sparkling vampires everyone was raving about and fell asleep reading it sometime later.

I had a vague recollection of Liam pulling my back into his chest and the smell of alcohol invading my senses at some stage during the night, but I woke to an empty bed in the morning.