Sins, Lies & Spies (Black Brothers #2)(54)

“All right.” She nodded. “But I don’t get it. Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve let you stay with me.”

“I tried, but Knox insisted I stay with him.”

“Huh.” She cocked her hip to the side. “And how’s that going?”

“I don’t know.” I flopped onto the sofa. “Good. I think. I like him. I really like him, but I’m scared.”

She sat next to me. “Scared of what?”

“Everything. My relationship with Miles was a mess, and I ignored all the signs.”

She squeezed my hand. “Don’t beat yourself up over Miles. Everybody needs a shitty ex or two so you know when you’ve found someone worth your time.”

I tipped up my head and closed my eyes. “Maybe you’re right. I’m just so confused.”

“About Miles or Knox?”

My eyes popped open. “I don’t give a shit about Miles. I don’t know if I ever felt anything more than friendship for him, but Knox…”

She elbowed me. “Knox what?”

A smile tugged at the corner of my lips. “Even when I hate him, I like him. The last month has been the worst and the best month of my life. All this earth shattering stuff has happened, but when I’m with him, I feel sheltered and safe.” I turned to face her. “I don’t even know if that makes sense.”

She laughed, a light tinkling noise that was so her. “Not at all.”

I sat, staring at the wall, thinking over the last month. With Miles and every man before him, I pretended to be who I thought they wanted. Leslie said it was because I wanted them to accept me, but I didn’t think she was right. In truth, I couldn’t take facing the sting of rejection. I had a lifetime’s worth of it bottled inside me from my mom’s unexplained disappearance.

Yet I fell asleep night after night in Knox’s arms, revealing tiny parts of myself piece-by-piece, even though I knew it was like flirting with a stick of dynamite. My uncle told me the ones I loved the most would hurt me the most, and I finally understood what he meant. I loved Knox. His rejection would crush me.

“I’m in love with Knox,” I said quietly, fear coiling around my chest. “I don’t even understand it myself, but I am.”

Leslie’s eyes flared, confusion and concern etched into every line on her face. “Trinity, sweetheart, I don’t know what to say.”

I lifted one shoulder, then dropped it. “There’s nothing to say. It’s already done. I can’t hit the rewind button and make it go away.”

Groaning, she threw her hands into the air. “What about him? Does he love you?”

“I don’t know.” I sounded lost to my own ears.

She rolled her eyes. “What does your gut say?”

I kicked off my shoes and pulled my legs up to my chest. Being with Knox made me feel alive. Sometimes when he looked at me with barely concealed lust simmering in the depths of his clear blue eyes, my heart raced and my entire body tingled with excitement. I hoped he felt something similar for me. “That it’s possible.”

Her lips flattened and turned down at the corners. “This whole thing is crazy. I’m worried about you.”

I smiled halfheartedly. “Don’t be.”

“Are you going to stay with him tonight?”

“I haven’t decided.” I rubbed the back of my neck as I dug my phone out of my pocket. “I was thinking I’d back away for a couple of days. I could use some space to sort through my feelings.”

She nodded. “That’s a good idea. Things went so fast with Miles. One day he was your boss and the next day you were together. Don’t make the same mistake.”

I stared at my phone, mulling over my options. Everything was so damn confusing. I had so many things to sort through. I didn’t know where to start. I took a deep drink of my wine as if all of the answers could be found at the bottom of my glass. Sighing, I typed a quick message to Knox.



I have some stuff to take care of. I won’t be back tonight. I’ll be in touch soon.



My hand hovered over the phone for a moment before I pressed the send button. Leslie was right. I needed a breather. I needed to take a step back while I still could.

My conviction didn’t last long. The minute Leslie left, guilt, regret, and loneliness overwhelmed me. I forcibly redirected my thoughts.

I thought about the all the things he’d done for me.

How I felt when I was with him.

How he smiled at me like I was special.

Somehow, I convinced myself he must really love me and he wouldn’t walk away forever if I asked for space. I fell asleep on the sofa, clinging to that idea.





CHAPTER THIRTY




Knox



It was past ten o’clock in the evening when I jogged up Trinity’s front steps and rang her doorbell. I had tried to sleep and give her the space she wanted, but I couldn’t do it. I needed to see her in person.

Trinity opened her door and rubbed a hand down her face. Her dark hair was piled on her head. She wore a faded blue t-shirt that stopped at the top of her thighs.

“Why didn’t you come back to my place tonight?”

Silence fell between us, thick and heavy.