See How She Falls (The Chronicles of Izzy #3)(10)
Aberto moved towards the weeping child and bent before her, me, whatever. I was starting to get really confused. I moved closer to hear what he was saying. I drew as close as I dared, which seemed to draw his attention. He began to turn and look in my direction, as if he knew that I would someday be there, seeing this exact event. But just as he began to shift, he turned his attention back to the child version of myself. I moved closer carefully; I needed to know what was happening.
“Izzy, please look at me," Aberto pleaded softly.
“Where am I? I want to go home," my child-self cried out.
“You are safe. I will always protect you, no matter where you are.” Aberto smoothed the little girl’s silken, red hair from her face.
“Who are you?” the child asked.
“Someone from your future. Someone you will someday meet. For now, I am the Guardian of your dreams. I am here to protect you from these memories until you are ready. You won’t remember any of this when you wake up. You will only remember the sweet dreams that follow. Now take a deep breath and think of the most lovely thing you can imagine.” Aberto’s voice was gentle as he spoke to the child. He continued to smooth her hair away from her face as he whispered words to send her out of the dreaming and into a restful sleep.
As the image of the girl disappeared, Aberto stood and looked straight into my eyes. I knew then, like I had always somehow known, he’d always been there. But why? What was I to him? As I began to ask him, he reached an arm out pushing a wave from his fingertips that thrust me from the dreaming.
Gasping for breath, I struggled to orient myself. The force of being shoved from the dreaming, along with the implications of what I’d just witnessed, overwhelmed me. My mind began to shift, making space for the memories long forgotten. What else had been taken from me? Were there more memories? Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried to draw myself back to the present. I was bone achingly tired, yet I didn’t want to fall asleep again. I wasn’t sure what else might be waiting for me.
“You okay, Iz?” Kennan moved towards me, concern radiating from his body.
“Yeah, just a weird dream, I think. I mean, it must’ve been a dream, because it wouldn’t make sense otherwise. I’m just really tired. Can you whammy my brain? I need to sleep for a while.” I took in the sight of my Guardian, tall and strong, everything that had brought me comfort through the past year of upheaval. He’d been my rock for so long, I wondered how he could stand it. Just the thought of having to leave him tore me apart inside. I choked back on the tears that threatened to burst forth. For the zillionth time, I wondered if I were truly strong enough to survive what was coming, or if I would be strong enough to do what needed to be done.
“Hey, Red. Look at me.” Kennan sank to the bed reaching out for me in the process. My body curled into his, seeking out his heat, searching for the refuge that had been there all along. I couldn’t look him in the eyes, he would know everything just with one glance. “Izzy, look at me.”
I turned my face toward his as the tears came unbidden. There was no stopping them, there was no hiding my fear. I wasn’t strong enough for this. These runes were slowly killing me, and I could feel it with every breath I took. I wanted to end it all, the darkness, the pain, the suffering, it all had to stop.
“Izzy, what is it? Talk to me, please," Kennan pleaded.
“I’m not strong enough. I can’t do it. I can’t be the person everyone needs me to be. I could barely hold myself together today, and then I got angry and lightning bolts shot from my fingers. I’m so tired, Kennan. I just want to sleep, but I am too afraid to even do that. I don’t know if I can fix this mess, this darkness that seems to be looming, but never clear.” I choked back a sob as the words poured from my mouth. Every fear I’d been repressing for the past two months came rushing to the surface at once.
“Izzy, you are the strongest person I’ve ever known. And you aren’t alone, this isn’t just on you. You have Ian, Molly, Conall, and me. The Division will also be there to back you up.” Kennan paused for a moment as if he didn’t want to utter the next words. “And you have Aberto. He’s already shown that he will do whatever it takes to protect you. This is not your burden to bear alone, Izzy. Give me some of the weight, or it may just crush you. I know things haven’t been easy with us the past few weeks. I haven’t been there for you the way that you needed me to be. I’m sorry for that. I truly am. I don’t think I realized just how much these changes were affecting you until now. You always seem to be so in control of everything, like you don’t need anyone else in the entire world.”
“You should know better than anyone that it is a fa?ade, Kennan. I’ve been trying to fake it until I make it since we got here. Not a day passes that I don’t feel completely freaked out by everything going on. The darkness coming, the changes that don’t seem like they are going to stop any time soon, not to mention the whole leader of the Council bit, I’m a hot mess right now. I just wish there was some sort of clear outline of what I’m supposed to do. The not knowing is the worst.”
“You’re always a hot mess, Iz," Kennan snickered, pulling me from my pity party.
“That is a true-fact.” I curled myself back into his chest. “How are we going to survive this, Kennan?”
“The same way we do everything. Together. You need to spend some time talking to Aberto. We have to find out what is happening with you. For now, you need to sleep.”