Saviour (Saviour #1)(78)
Unbelievable, there’s me expecting snide remarks and she’s fully supportive and telling me I should have acted sooner, unbelievable.
“So, what’s this Gabriel like? A bit manlier than his name I hope, it’s a bit of a poofs name ain’t it? Can’t see you being with some poofta type after being with a man’s man like Jason all these years, ten years younger eh? Well done you” She says on a laugh.
Unbelievable! This reaction is so not what I was expecting, every time she opens her mouth she surprises me.
“Mum, Gabe is far from a poof, he is very much all man”
“Good, glad to hear it. How have the boys taken the news, have you told your brothers and Vickie?”
“Sonny’s okay with it, Ryder is refusing to take my calls and I haven’t spoken to any of the rest of the family, but I will”
We continue our conversation with small talk and we end it with her telling me if I ever need to get away, I should come and stay with her, she would love to see me. That’s the kindest thing my mum has said to me in years and I get to wondering, is it just pity that made her be nice to me for a change? Very probably.
I scroll through the messages on my phone, and then listen to my voice mails, they’re all from Jay, the first being sent on Monday and only confirms that Julie's husband, John, must have gone straight into work and repeated what his wife had seen, or a version of it at least.
Well you didn't waste any time did you, you f*cking whore, or was this already going on? I should of broke your neck, you f*cking slut, showing off your new boyfriend at the supermarket and f*cking him in the middle of the shopping center in front of everyone, just wait till I get my f*cking hands on you, and whoever the cunt is, wait till I find out where he lives'
His voice sounds venomous and it actually gives me goose bumps listening to him. The next voicemail was left at three in the morning on Wednesday.
‘Lauren, we need to talk, we need to sort this out, it’s just silly now, and you need to come home. Let’s just forget all that’s happened and make a fresh start’
Well that’s a complete change of tone, it actually makes my pulse quicken, I don’t want to but I feel a little bit sorry for him, he is obviously realising that I am not coming back. I feel sad and guilty, shit, I don’t want to feel anything when I hear him but how can I not, there are a quarter of a century of emotions tied up in that voice, most of them fantastic and joyous, I can’t switch all of that off in just a few short weeks, I don’t want to hurt him with what I have with Gabe but for me, there is no going back, I have seen the light and no matter how this new relationship unfolds, I will not go back to being the person I was just a month ago, I won’t go back into the dark.
I don't know why I don't just delete his messages, instead I sit and listen to them all. The worst is from Thursday night, he's obviously had a drink and is crying down the phone
'Lauren, Lauren, I'm sorry Lauren, I love you Ren, I'm sorry, please come home Lauren, please, I need you back, I promise I'll change, I'll see a counselor, what or whoever you want me to see or do’
I move from the barstool to the carpet and lean back against the sofa and pull my knees up to my chin as I listen to him.
' Please Lauren call me back, let's put this right, you know we can, you know how good we are together, I'm lost without you, you’re my little Ren'
I cry, why now, after all of the angry, vicious, nasty words, why call me now, with all of this shit? Now, when it’s far too late? Just to make sure, just to guarantee my guilt, misery, and self-loathing, I replay it on loud speaker as I sit staring at the screen and sob. Just a few moments later I realise that I have that all too familiar tingle snaking up my spine and my scalp begins to prickle. Oh shit, he's home, I didn't hear him come in but I feel him. I look up and he's leaning against the bench top, all suited and booted looking like a hot, sex god, business man type. He just stares at me, then goes to the fridge, gets us both a beer and comes and sits on the floor next to me, stretching his long legs out in front of him, he offers me one of the bottles, I take it. He takes the phone out of my hand and turns it off. He drinks his entire beer down in one go and puts his bottle down, I take a swig from mine, he takes it from me and drinks that down too and puts the empty with the other bottle. He pulls me into his lap, I lay my head against his chest and breathe him in. He kisses the top of my head.
“When did he leave that?”
“Thursday, I think he seriously needs help” he strokes his fingertips up and down my back, they bump over my spine.
“Are you going back to him?”
“No Gabe, I'm not going back to him, why would I? I had a fantastic marriage for over twenty years and then he went and broke it, he almost broke me, to some degree I am broken because of him but I got lucky, I got so very lucky when I met you, your my plaster, your holding me together, I'm not fixed but I am healing and all the time I have you, I can survive what he did to me”
I feel him blow out a very long breath “Band Aid” he says.
“What?”
“I'm your Band Aid, not your Plaster”
“No, Band Aid sung a Christmas song about Africa and raised money for charity, I am from England, where I come from you are my plaster”
“Plaster or Plarsta darlin?” He says in his best London accent.