Saving Dancer (Savage Brothers MC #2)(20)

The thought of a world without Jacob is so physically painful the tears I have been trying to hold in break free. Bull pulls me tighter to him and I go because honestly I don’t think my feet can remain under me.

“He’s…”

“He’s going to be just fine,” Nicole interrupts Alexander as she comes out of a door behind us.

My eyes lock on hers to see if she is lying to me. Since I’ve been at the Savage MC, I have learned several things and one of those Nicole can’t lie. Her eyes give her away every time. When she looks at me dead on, I can see she truly believes that. It’s the first time I’ve taken an easy breath since Bull’s phone rang.

“See, Red? Now you need to let Crusher take you…”

“I’m staying.”

“Red…”

“I know if it was Dragon in there, I wouldn’t leave. Leave her alone Bull, Dance needs her,” Nicole interrupts as she pats my shoulder. “Let me take you back to where his room is.”

Bull and Alexander give us strange looks but they let us go. I follow Nicole through a door and we start walking down a hallway.

“How bad is it?” I ask because the silence and our echoing footsteps are driving me crazy.

“He’ll be fine. There are some things that you need to know. Things these stupid men in their effort to protect Dancer, won’t tell you,” She says, turning in front of me and stopping our progress.

I nod once and freeze, because she doesn’t know what I overheard earlier. Will she hate me too? As much as I hate myself?

“Carrie, while Dancer was unconscious tonight…he had this dream…” Nicole starts and her voice is quiet and full of sadness and my heart stalls. I mean I know. I had probably heard the same things, but a part of me is in denial. I want to pretend I hadn’t heard it. Something like that was just too horrible to happen to Jacob.

I swallow, trying to find my voice.

“Carrie, I think he was hurt, while in prison. I think maybe he was raped…”

I stop her immediately. I do not want to hear that word. I do not want her to say that word. I do not want her to know that dark secret. That secret should be Jacob’s. It should be Jacob’s and he should be allowed to bury it so deep that it never reaches the outside world again.

“I know,” I say my voice is full of pain and panic and it sounds harsh.

Nicole looks at me questioningly.

“I uh… he was at the house while Bull was gone. He…the dream…he had it then.”

Nicole nods.

“Do you love him? I mean really love him?”

“Yes,” I answer instantly.

“You’re going to have to swallow a lot of crap to get to him, Carrie. Honey, it’s so bad. I’m not sure you will be able to get through to him.”

“You’ve dealt with this before?” I ask.

“That’s not my story to tell, Carrie. Let me just say, I love someone who has that same darkness in them. It changes who they are, in ways you can’t explain.”

I nod.

“Dancer is at rock bottom, Carrie. If any man needed a woman to stand by him—It’s him.”

I nod again. I don’t think I can find my voice at this point.

“Dragon and the boys they aren’t going to tell you this. They think they are protecting Dancer. I can’t say they’re completely wrong. What I can say, is that if you love him? If you are going to fight for him? Fight to stay with him?”

“I am.”

I don’t know where that answer came from. It pops out of my mouth but as it does, it feels right. I put Jacob in the mess he is in. It is because of me he was in jail. It is because of me he was vulnerable. I owe it to him to try and help now. I want to help.

Nicole smiles a sad smile, as if she knew what my answer would be all along, and she probably did. She loves Dragon. She knows how I feel about Jacob. I don’t have a choice, other than to try and help him.

“The accident tonight, I mean it wasn’t—an accident. Jacob drove off the Laurel Lake Dam.”

“I…”

“He drove off of it all on his own and he didn’t try to get out of the car.”

“Oh god,” I cry out my legs giving out and I sink onto the floor as my eyes fill with tears.

“If it wasn’t for a person walking on the lakefront, watching, and rescuing him, Dancer would have died tonight, Carrie. I’m pretty sure he’ll be upset he’s not dead. You need to know that if you’re going to stay around, honey.”

I nod, my knees cradling my head. Nicole bends down in front of me and her hand touches the side of my face. I look up at her.

“It will get worse before it gets better. He will never be the man you remember, Carrie. You need to know that.”

Those words cut me open inside. Can you die from bleeding internally from emotional wounds? It feels like I am.

“But, the man you love. There are pieces of him in there; there are new parts of him to love. If you are strong, you can help him come out the other side, you just have to be able to love the new him too.”

“You seem to know a lot about this, but Jacob and I…I mean he’s never let me inside, we’ve never had a real relationship. Nicole, what if I’m the wrong person to do this? What if I fail?”