Saddle Up(74)

“If I back down or retreat, he wins,” he explained. “And that’s what he’ll remember the next time.” After a minute or two, the horse snorted and withdrew to the far end of the pen, still watching Keith with a wary glare until Keith lowered the rope and climbed back over the panel.

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to do?” Miranda asked, befuddled.

“Yup. My only goal was to show him he can’t intimidate me, so I’d call that one a win.”

“It looked a lot more like a draw to me,” Miranda said dryly.

“In reality, there was no winner or loser, but I achieved what I wanted. I didn’t let him exert dominance. Once he backed off, I rewarded him by removing the pressure. This isn’t going to be about coaxing, cooing, and trying to woo him. That kind of courtship approach already failed with this horse. The next time I go in there, we’ll see who can move whom. Herding is how horses exert dominance over one another. If I win, we can move forward.”

“And if you don’t?” she asked. “What if he runs through that rope of yours? What if he hurts you?”

“Then I’d have a real tough decision to make. An aggressive horse is as dangerous as a rabid dog. I won’t keep an animal that I can’t turn my back on.”

“Are you saying you’d euthanize him?”

He nodded. “But only as the last resort. It’s still way too early to judge.”

Watching Keith with a horse was an almost magical experience. It was uncanny how well he read and understood them. “I just don’t understand why you aren’t doing this full-time,” she said. “You have such a talent. It seems such a waste not to use it.”

“I’ve already told you why I can’t.”

“But your reasons are nonsensical,” she protested. “Why can’t you at least give it a chance? I really think this could be a good thing for all of us. I don’t understand why you don’t see it, too. Whether you want me to be part of it or not, you still need to move forward with your life, Keith. You can’t let the past keep clouding your future.”

“My future?” He shook his head. “This is not my future, Miranda, or my dream. It’s yours.”

Her lips quivered. “I thought… I hoped…that maybe it could become ours together.”

He tossed his rope down with a shake of his head. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you thought wrong. I’m not one of your mustangs. I don’t need saving.”

“Don’t you?” she asked softly. “It’s not a weakness or a character flaw. It’s human nature to need someone. We all do. You need this, Keith. These horses need you. And I need you.”

*

I need you. His chest tightened. When had anyone ever said that to him before? He gazed sightlessly out at the mountains, digesting her words. For the second time, it was as if she’d reached out and touched that aching place in his soul.

“You’re asking too much,” he said with a jerk of his head. “I told you I’m not here for the horses. I’m here for you. I came here to help you. Damn it, Miranda! Why can’t that be enough?”

She stood with hands on hips, her gaze meeting his squarely. “Because you’re too obstinate to recognize what would truly fulfill you.”

“Look, Miranda, there are two kinds of people in this world, sequoias and tumbleweeds. You’re the sequoia. Your convictions are strong, and your roots run deep. I’m the tumbleweed. All my life, I’ve taken a day at a time. I’ve never had a serious relationship or any real responsibilities. I’ve never even stayed in one place for more than a few months at a time. And that kind of life suited me just fine.”

“Does it still?” she asked. “Is that the kind of life you want?”

“No,” he said. “It’s not what I want anymore, but staying here with you is asking for commitments I’m not sure I can make. I don’t know if I even have it in me.” He gripped her shoulders. “Can you understand that? I don’t know if I can change. And I don’t want to hurt you if I can’t.”

She tore her gaze away and looked into the distance. “Are you saying you think you’d just pick up and disappear one day?”

“Maybe.” He released her to answer with a single shoulder shrug. “I’ve done it before. If the mood struck me. I might do it again. It’s how I’ve always been.”

“Maybe that’s how you were, but I don’t believe for a minute that you would. You’re one of the most responsible people I know. You’ve worked for Mitch for months, under really tough conditions, and you never let him down, even when you hated it. You don’t hate it here, do you?” she asked.

“No, I don’t hate it.”

“Do you think maybe you could grow to like it?”

“Maybe I could,” he said, adding pointedly, “I have good reason to. That’s the only part of all this that I’m certain about.”

“What part is that?” she asked.

“You, Aiwattsi. I meant it when I said I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you.”

She broke eye contact again. “Didn’t I already prove you can have me just about any way you like?”

Her flippant answer told him she was afraid to take his remark to heart.