Rush: The Season (Austin Arrows Book 1)(105)

“Ellie?”

“Hmm?”

“What are you going to do about James?”

I sigh. I wonder if he can read my mind. “I don’t know yet.”

The man deserves to know his daughter if that’s what he wants. If I take the time to think about it now, though, I’ll probably cry. I’m not sure how I feel about Bianca going behind my back to find him. Sure, she has that right. He is her father, after all. But it is my place to protect her, and I have no idea what this man may or may not want out of this.

I need to talk to my brother, too. I have to weigh the very real possibility that James might fight me for Bianca. He may accuse me of trying to keep her from him, although that is certainly not true. If he has money—I don’t know the first thing about him—he could make this really difficult for me.

And then, of course, there’s the emotional aspect. If this really is my one-night stand from Las Vegas as he claims he is, then he is her father. It’s inevitable at this point that they will meet, and I can’t predict how that will play out, either.

“When you do know, will you share it with me?”

Something in Kingston’s tone worries me. I manage to turn over to face him, remaining in the cocoon of his arms. The room is dark, so I can’t see his face, but this feels more intimate.

“What do you want me to do?” I ask. I want his opinion. I want to know how he feels about all of this. I’m not sure why I do, but I do. I know he doesn’t think this is any of his business, but it is. If for no other reason than he’s my friend. For some reason, it matters to me what he thinks.

I get that the sex between us is off the charts. However, I have to keep reminding myself that this is an arrangement. Kingston has never made me any promises. I shouldn’t expect more from him than he’s willing to give. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that because this thing between us… It doesn’t feel pretend to me.

“It’s not up to me,” he says, his words soft. “Just … keep me in the loop.”

The way he says it seems so … distant. As though he’s on the outside looking in and whatever decision I make won’t affect him.

Not sure what else to say, I tell him that I will.

“And if you decide we need to end this … arrangement … let me know. I’ll talk to Amber or Phoenix or whoever and figure out another way to deal with…”

He doesn’t need to complete that sentence. Hell, he doesn’t need to say another word. A crack starts in my chest, and it fractures all the way through my heart. The pain… It takes my breath away. Why I thought he might want more from me, I’m not sure. Apparently I did think that, though. I thought we’d established something between us, but from his words, it seems awfully one-sided.

I want to ask him if he still sees this as an arrangement, but I don’t. I’m not sure I can handle the brutal honesty. If he felt something more for me, he wouldn’t have said it like that.

Suddenly, his arms no longer feel comforting. I feel like I’m suffocating, so I force myself to turn back over, away from him.

It’s a damn good thing I didn’t tell him how I really feel.

Having my heart handed back to me isn’t something I want to deal with right now.

Or hell, ever.





42


Ellie


Saturday, December 10th

“That’s all he said,” Noelle repeats for probably the tenth time since we sat down at this table.

“How do you even know this is really her father?” Spencer counters, not once looking at Noelle when he speaks.

I called my brother and asked him to meet me at the Penalty Box so I could share this information with him. I wasn’t sure if Kingston was going to run off and do that, and I definitely didn’t want Spencer to hear it from someone else first. My brother has always been there for me, and I know he’d be hurt if I didn’t tell him what happened as soon as it happened.

When he walked into the restaurant, it took everything in my power not to run into his arms and let him hug me and tell me that everything would be okay. Only, if he had, it would’ve been a lie, because even if he could fix the big issue here, he couldn’t fix all my issues.

“We don’t know that,” Noelle states more firmly.

She also isn’t looking at Spencer.

Quite frankly, it’s a little awkward sitting here with these two while they pretend I’m the only one at the table with them. I’m not sure what’s going on with them, but … I wish they’d figure it out and quick. When I was looking at the Facebook post that Noelle found for me—apparently Bianca blocked everyone except for the bar’s Facebook page—I could sense them sitting there, ignoring one another. It was weird then and it’s still weird now.

“So, why didn’t you know that Bianca was posting this?” Spencer asks.

I glare at my brother. I can hear the insinuation in his tone. He might not out-and-out say he thinks I’ve done something wrong, but his tone says everything for him.

“Well, for one, she didn’t tell me. And two, gosh, I don’t know, Spencer… She. Didn’t. Tell. Me.” I say the last part with all the frustration that has built inside me since the second I opened my eyes this morning.

“Not to mention, she created a fake account,” Noelle adds. “Clearly she knew what she was doing. She didn’t want you to find out and since you diligently monitor her social media accounts”—Noelle tone drips with sarcasm, obviously for Spencer’s benefit—“she knew she had to do something or you’d find out.”