Retribution (Secrets & Lies #3)(28)
Jackson chuckles and shakes his head. “I've already got a hundred dollar bet with Carson that Katrina hands you your ass.”
I chuckle and pat Jackson on the shoulder. “Good to know. If Katrina can be ready around four thirty, I would appreciate it.”
After getting exercise via splitting logs for forty-five minutes, I shower and change clothes, trying to get my mind right. I know what my duty is. I need to stay here and protect this family, to protect my family. But with every e-mail, every death, I feel a pull to go back to New Orleans, to try and bring Isis down. I may be playing right into her game, she's got to be trying to set me up with her messages, but they're still worming their way inside my mind.
It's not the sexual overtones. While Isis was a past lover, there's nothing emotionally there for her, there never was. She reminded me of Aisha too much. I know I called her Aisha in bed so often that any other woman would have been pissed off. Not Isis, because when I was calling her Aisha, those were the days I gave her more of myself than normal.
So there's nothing emotionally there for Isis herself. If I have any conflicting emotions, it's because I know I love Melissa, but there's still the ghost of Aisha in my mind, and having Isis involved now is stirring that ghost I thought was long-buried.
My talk with Katrina is short, we've both been thinking of the same thing, and I agree that next time she has an online chat with Darcy, I should be there to feed her as much information as I can. Her husband's a good cop, and Jeff could use the information to help the NOPD with their hunt for Isis. Already the NOPD has made the connections between the five deaths in that they all worked for or were associates of Peter DeLaCoeur, so they're keeping their eyes on him. But there isn't much they can do, he's got an alibi for everything, and until they get their hands on Isis there's no way they can tie him to any sniper or killer.
After dinner, I go out into the courtyard of the compound, watching the moon. It's very clear tonight, clear and cold, and my breath fogs upward as I try and think clearly. I'm interrupted when I hear a quiet cough behind me, and I turn to see Melissa standing in her heavy jacket, looking up with me. “I've always loved the moon. It's tranquil and peaceful.”
“True,” I agree, looking up. “I have no idea what the Greeks and Romans were thinking, making the moon goddess the goddess of the hunt and the wild.”
“They were probably scared of the dark,” Melissa says, stepping closer. “And the night does have many hunters.”
“That's true,” I admit. I think about my past and sigh, shaking my head. “Like I was.”
“That wasn't what I meant, but okay,” Melissa says. “Actually, I came out here to check on you. You've been looking a little out of it.”
“I guess I have been,” I admit, feeling a bit ashamed. She's so beautiful in the soft light that's bleeding out from the rest of the house, I want to tell her so much about how I'm torn. I want to go back to New Orleans and confront this ghost from my past. I want to take Isis and Peter out. But I know I can't be sure. I can't be certain Peter doesn't have another assassin out there or a team of them, so the best thing I can do is stay here and gather information, keeping them safe. Isis may have New Orleans on lockdown, but they could show up and hit us here, too. “It’s not easy. Isis is good at psychological operations, and even if you know you are being subjected to them, that doesn't mean they don’t have an effect.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Melissa asks, and I hear the desire in her voice. It's not for intimacy, but instead to feel needed. She's not as physically strong as the rest of us, and today I know she took a big blow to her self-confidence when she tried to chop some wood like everyone else and was unable to split even a single log. I tried to reassure her it was because she'd chosen a log that was too big, and that there's a technique to splitting logs she didn't get, but she's still rattled, and hasn't been even her normal self today.
“Yeah,” I say honestly, knowing maybe it's not the best for my emotional detachment, but right now I need to be reminded of what, and more importantly, why I'm sitting up here at this compound. “Have you ever taken a walk in the woods at night?”
“No,” Melissa admits, glancing around. “Is it scary?”
“It can be,” I admit. “But I will take a flashlight, and I am armed. Don't worry, this part of the forest has more deer than it does bears or anything like that. The animals don't like us, they will stay away. And I will make sure we stay safe walking, too.”
Melissa thinks, then nods. “Okay. Uh, I'll go tell everyone else what we're doing, if that's all right?”
“Just fine,” I say, smiling. “I'll get the flashlight out of the truck.”
Melissa meets me at the truck a minute later, just as I finish checking that the LED light works. I tuck it into my pocket and turn, giving her a smile. I know everyone's watching us. “Come on,” I say lightly, waving. “I think they are worried about us.”
Melissa turns and glances, and I can't help it, I laugh when everyone scatters from the windows. She turns back, trying to smile I think, I can't see her much with the way the light falls. “Yeah, they're worried about us.”
“Well, there’s nothing to worry about,” I say, holding out my hand. She takes it, her eyes going wide in surprise as I entwine our fingers and give her a smile. “Shall we?”