Resolution (Saviour #2)(69)
“Talk to me Lauren, don’t shut me out like this, total honesty remember, we don’t lie to each other. Do you not want to be pregnant? Tell me the truth.”
I hate sitting like this, I’m not close enough to him so I turn around and straddle him, the beach is deserted so there’s no one to frown at us and even if there were, well they can go swivel, I’m comfy.
“If I’m being totally honest Gabe, I wouldn’t have chosen to be pregnant, not at my age, but it is what it is and the fact is that I am pregnant and we are having a baby. Babies and I, shit Gabe, what if something goes wrong because of my age? What if me being old causes them problems, the risk of downs syndrome and spina bifida is so much higher in women my age.” I was so determined not to cry and I think the shock has held the worst of my tears at bay for most of the day but now I just can’t stop them.
“Gabe, I don’t know what your thoughts are on abortion but I’m telling you now, if there is a chance of problems, if we have the tests done and something shows up, I will have no hesitation in ending this pregnancy and I’m so scared that’s not your view.”
There has never been any reason for Gabe and I to have a discussion on this topic and I have no idea what his views are. I admire anyone out there who goes ahead with a pregnancy, even after being told there are issues, but that would not be my choice and I am a strong advocate for choice and if Gabe doesn’t agree with my views on this, it could potentially be the end of us and that thought terrifies me! He holds my face again, looking right into my eyes.
“Whatever decisions need to be made, we make together, we will do all of this together and if that is your choice, then I will back you 100%. I spoke to Rachel earlier, before we knew we were having twins and she said that there is a test they can do after ten weeks for Downs Syndrome, that’s in just two weeks’ time and if any problems show, well then we will go from there but I’ve gotta say Lauren, I just know, I just have a feeling about this and everything is going to be just fine, trust me.”
I nod my head, He’s not a doctor so he can’t possibly know but I want to believe him so I nod my head anyway, and then another horrible thought hits me.
“Ohhh God.” I groan.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I am going to get so fat, I’m gonna look like the back of a bus, you are so paying for a tummy tuck after this Wilde and possibly even new tits.”
“You will not be getting fat, you will be getting more pregnant, you will be growing our babies in that little belly of yours and it will have to get bigger to give them the room they need to grow strong and fit and healthy, you will be perfect Lauren, beautifully pregnant and perfect and I couldn’t be any more stoked. Well, I could but there’s nothing I can do to change things so I can live with that.”
Ugly old insecure me makes an appearance and I move my head back and look at him with a frown. “What would you change?”
He shrugs and looks up at me through his wasted on a bloke lashes. “I wish we could be married before the babies come Lauren, I wish that already, right now, this minute, you were already my wife.” He shrugs, “But I can’t do anything to change that so I will just wait and look forward to the day that you will be Mrs Lauren Wilde.”
“You are such a freaky weirdo Gabe; most blokes would be running for the hills when they found out that their bird of nine weeks is eight weeks up the duff.”
I actually shake from the vibration of his laugh, he throws his head right back and laughs some more. His eyes are sparkling as he looks back down at me and kisses my nose, my belly flips. God I love him and I love that sound and I love that look; he shakes his head and gives me that smile, the one that reaches his eyes and says.
“Don’t mince your words, will ya darl. Lauren, my love, my life, you are so much more to me than my bird, as you so eloquently put it and as weird and freaky as you may find it, I am over the f*cking moon at your up the duff condition. In all honesty, it was the last thing in the world I was expecting to hear when we walked into your doctor’s surgery this morning; I was shitting myself that something was seriously wrong, we’ve had so much shit happen these past weeks, well the whole f*cking time we’ve been together really, we just seem to have rolled from one drama to another and I really was prepared for her telling us more bad news, but her telling us that we’re pregnant, I’m…” He swallows hard and I can feel my tears spilling over as I watch him struggle with his words and his own eyes fill up. “I’m blown away Lauren, I honestly and truly could not be happier, despite everything, all that’s happened, those babies have survived, they’ve been in there, tucked away inside you and they have survived it all, they’re a pair of tough little nuts, just like their Mum and I love them so much already and cannot wait to meet them.”
I brush his tears away from his cheeks. “Now seriously, I need to get you home and naked before I f*ck you right here on this beach and we both get arrested for public indecency or whatever the charges are for getting your up the duff bird naked and sexing her in public, on a beach.”
He stands up with me still wrapped around him. “You won’t be able to do this for much longer. I will soon be big and fat like a heifer and stretched beyond recognition, I’ll be in need of a crane just to get me out of bed in the mornings. Oh god, I’m going to be so big and lardy and you won’t love me or find me attractive and you’ll go running back to the lanky blonde skank and I’ll be left to bring up our babies by myself.”