Resolution (Saviour #2)(67)
CHAPTER 21
We walk out into the bright sunshine and for some reason I’m amazed that the world is just going on around me, people driving their cars, waiting for a bus, carrying their shopping and I want to shake them all and scream in their faces. “Don’t you get it, don’t you understand? I’m pregnant, I’m forty five and pregnant, do you not understand what an almighty royal f*ckup this is?” But I don’t, I just hang on to Gabe’s hand and let him lead me across the road to the hospital.
I hand my slip of paper to the receptionist and she asks me a few questions, typing the answers into her computer; every time she looks up, she looks at Gabe before she looks at me and I have to control the urge I have to pull her over the desk by her hair and stamp on her head, instead I resort to eyebrow raising and eye rolling as she looks at him, then across to me.
“Okay, if you would like to take a seat, someone will call you through shortly” She says with her squeaky voice.
“Are you sure? I could just leave Gabe standing here if you like, so you can eye f*ck him some more.”
“Excuse me?”
“Lauren!”
Gabe grabs my elbow and steers me to a seat, squeaky stands with her mouth wide open as Gabe apologises over his shoulder; I yank my arm out of his grip.
“Don’t apologise for me, I’m not sorry, who the f*ck does she think she is, looking at you like that?”
“Whatever is wrong with you? Chill out, Jesus Lauren.”
I fold my arms across my chest and it strikes me instantly, how tender my boobs feel; now I notice? All the symptoms I’ve had should have made pregnancy so blatantly obvious and I never even considered it, it never for a moment crossed my mind, how did I not realise? I scowl across at squeaky who is standing with her arms folded, obviously telling her colleague what I just said to her, I smile sweetly, too sweetly, at the pair of them as they stare at me; I’m angry, angry at her, angry at Gabe, angry at the situation I am in but most of all, I’m angry at myself and that fact is just making me angrier!
My knee is bouncing again and before I even think about it, Gabe puts his hand over it and leans forward so that he can look at me. “Will you please tell me what’s wrong? I know this is a shock Lauren and it’s gonna take some getting used to…but…Aren’t you excited, we’re having a baby, our baby, can you believe it?”
I can’t talk, I can barely breathe and I’m trying so desperately not cry; how do I say it, how do I tell him that there’s a pretty good chance that it’s not our baby that it’s Jason’s child that I’m carrying, not his? His face is lit up, his blue eyes are sparkling, his grin is beautiful and at any other time would be contagious but all it’s doing right now is making my heart hurt so badly. I shake my head as I try to think of what to say when magically my name is called and I thank the Gods Of BUPA for my private healthcare and very short waiting times. We stand and follow the nurse to another waiting room, she shows me where the changing cubicle is and tells me to remove everything from the waist down and put on a gown but as I’m wearing a dress, I just remove my knickers, again, and go back out side to Gabe, I don’t get chance to sit down as we are called in to a small dark room and I’m told to lay down on the bed. The radiologist explains that I will be having a Trans Vaginal ultrasound. All very standard and a procedure I have had done before; my eyes look across to Gabe who is watching intently as the nurse slides a condom over the wand that is going inside me and for the first time in the last hour or so, I smile as I watch the expression on his face as it dawns on him where that wand is going, his eyes fly up to meet mine, he reaches out for my hand as he asks silently if I’m ok, I nod and give him a small smile back. I take a deep breath, this situation is entirely out of my hands, what will be will be. The machine is switched on and what looks like white noise fills the screen, the nurse asks me questions about my last period and I explain about still having the IUD in place. The room goes quiet as the procedure is started, it’s painless and I start to relax, the nurse types stuff in while the radiologist moves the wand around; I can’t make out anything at all on the screen, there’s light and dark areas and that’s about it, then I catch the radiologist look across to the nurse, the nurse ducks her head slightly and looks at the screen.
“What’s wrong?” I ask
“No, no problem, I err, I just need to fetch the consultant.”
“Why?” Gabe and I both ask together.
“I just need a second opinion, won’t be long, I’ll just fetch Dr Forde.”
The nurse follows out the door with her, probably so we can’t ask her any questions. Gabe leans forward and kisses me on my mouth.
“You okay baby?”
“I’m laying with my dress up around my waist, my ankles together, my knees apart, I have just had a condom sheathed wand stuck inside my noonie and that is the very least of my problems so no, actually baby, I’m far from f*cking okay.”
The door swings open and the curtain around the bed is pulled back and a very doctorly-looking doctor introduces himself to Gabe and I as Keith Forde, he shakes both our hands, before pulling on a pair of rubber gloves and saying, “Well let’s take a look at what we have going on here then.”
The wand is slid back inside me and moved around. He stops every now and then and looks closer at the screen. A screen filled with a whole load of nothing as far as I can see. The doctor stops what he’s doing and pulls the wand out.