Resolution (Saviour #2)(51)
I put down the bag and slide the pizza box on the tray table; I walk over and give Ava a kiss and then around to Gabe and give him a kiss on the top of his head, “I’ve got clean clothes, toiletries and a Spicy Mexicana pizza, what would you like first?”
“You came back?”
“It would appear so, why wouldn’t I have, like I told you earlier, this is where I want to be, with my family.”
He stands from the chair and pulls me to him, pressing his lips into my hair; I know he’s sorry, I know he didn’t mean any of it and I actually don’t want him feeling bad for it, he’s hurting, I want to be the one he lashes out at, I want and need to be the one, if the roles were reversed, I can only imagine what he would do for me, what sort of shit he would take from me, he’s already proved that on more than one occasion, now it’s my turn, it’s what couples do, they are there for each other and I am suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that, I really do want to be his wife, I want him in every way and for him to be mine in every way and I trust him implicitly to never break whatever vows we choose to make to each other. I actually feel a sense of calm and peace wash over me as I come to this conclusion, this decision; I just hope he still bloody wants me now.
Gabe eats his pizza, I wave it under Ava’s nose, asking her to guess what it is, he doesn’t laugh, he barely smiles, he doesn’t make any kind of conversation with me but as long as he knows I’m there for him, with him, that’s all that matters. I finally convince him to go and take a shower, promising to fetch him if there is any change; while he’s in the bathroom I sit and chat to Ava as if she were laying on our bed at home, waiting for me to get ready, something she likes to do, she usually tells me about her week and she gives me her opinion on whatever outfit I pull out of my wardrobe. So today, I tell her about the Palmers house and the colour scheme and I make fun of Karen Palmers terrible taste, I am in the middle of telling her about my first run in with Dave the Site Manager, when somebody says behind me, “Who the f*ck are you?”
I turn to see a woman of around forty standing just inside the door; she’s tall, slim and she has long straight brown hair and a pretty face, she reminds me a little bit of Calista Flockhart or is it Ally McBeal, I’m never sure? She has a large bag with her and I can only assume this is Nina, Ava looks nothing like her and for some reason my inner bitch is glad of that fact.
I stand from my chair. “I’m Lauren, Lauren Day, I’m Gabe’s partner.”
I hate that word ‘partner’ but I don’t know what else to call myself, I’m far too old to be any one’s girlfriend, I don’t offer my hand and she doesn’t offer her name, instead she looks me up and down and then gives a little snorty kind of laugh. Friend or enemy darling? Your call, I’m still undecided.
“So you’re the famous Lauren and you’re no longer Gabe’s girlfriend but his partner now, partner in what may I ask?”
Enemy it is then – bring it on biatch.
“Oh you know this and that, life, love, the odd crime and lots and lots of hot kinky sex.”
I smile at her sweetly. Why? Why did I say that?
“And where is the man who can’t keep it in his pants? Fucking one of the nurses in a store room most likely.”
“Actually, he’s in the shower and I think that sex is the furthest thing from his mind right now, all things considered.”
That wipes the smile off her face, cheeky bitch, although give her her due, she won that round. Gabe emerges from the bathroom right on cue; his hair is wet and combed back off his face, he’s wearing a grey hoodie and jeans, with just thongs on his feet, he looks so much better than he did just half an hour ago and he must feel better too because he gives me just a little smile as his eyes meet mine.
“So here’s the man of the moment, why did you leave my daughter with the woman that helped put her in a coma?”
What. The. Fuck? I open my mouth to defend myself but nothing comes out. I know that my mouth is hanging open but I can’t close it, did she really just say that? I look across to Gabe, he looks down at the floor. The ground, the earth, the world begins to fall away from underneath me; I feel myself sway, I want to cry, I want to be sick, I want Gabe to defend me but he just keeps staring down at the floor.
SHE, She, makes that snorty laugh sound again; she has a smile on her nasty thin lips as she shakes her head at me, like I’m shit on her shoe. I fight so hard not to cry, I don’t dare speak because I know the tears will come, my bottom lip is trembling and he still just stands there, not defending me, not looking at me, not saying anything. Does he think that too, do they all think I am to blame for Ava being here? I have this horrible, overwhelming sense of injustice, the feeling takes me back to being a small child, when you’re blamed for something you didn’t do, but nobody wants to listen to you, everybody thinks you’re guilty. I need to go, I need to get out of here, away from them, away from all of this. I go over to Ava and kiss her cheek and whisper
“I love you baby girl, I would never, ever do anything to hurt you, please get well and come back to us.”
I turn and walk towards the door.
“Lauren, wait, she didn’t mean…”
I keep walking; I’ve never felt so alone in all my life.
CHAPTER 16
I make my way out to the lifts. I’m going to have to go back to the hotel room and calm myself down, and then I will have a ring around and see if someone can come and pick me up and take me home, home? Do I still have a home, does he still want me? Does he blame me? The doors to the lift open and I wait for the people to get out before I step in, the doors close and I’m on my own and for three floors I fight with everything I have not to cry. I manage to make it all the way back to the hotel without shedding a single tear, how I hold down the overwhelming sense of panic I’m feeling though, I will never know!