Resolution (Saviour #2)(49)
I still hadn’t heard a word from him, so I sent a message telling him I was good to come home in the morning, he’s reply came straight back:
That’s nice, I’m glad there was nothing else wrong x
That was it, nothing else; it hurts more than being ignored yesterday. I curled up on my side and wrap my arms around myself, if I squeeze really tight, it doesn’t hurt quite so bad, the drugs are wearing off and I have a bit of a belly ache, a horrible dragging sensation like I am going to get a period, I never had gone to the doctors to get myself checked out, I will put an alarm on my phone to remind me to make yet another appointment and will try to keep it this time.
I climb out of bed to go to the bathroom just as Megan the nurse from last night walks in, she gives me a big smile, “Well look at you, you are looking much…Oh Lauren, sorry, have you got your period? I think you’ve leaked, do you have something? I can go and find you some pads?”
Shit, just what I needed and all over my nice new pyjamas. “God, thanks, I have nothing with me, I’ll just jump in the shower and change my clothes, how embarrassing.”
“Lauren, really, we see much worse, I’ll go see what I can find for you, if not I will pop down to the shop.”
I jump into the shower and rinse the blood out of my pyjama bottoms, pulling on my yoga pants when I get out, the cramps were cranking up now so I ask Megan for some pain relief when she comes back with a box of tampons for me.
I take my drugs and send a text message off to Gabe:
Plz talk to me Gabe, I feel so alone, I miss you, I hope Ava is doing okay and that you are too. I luv u xxx
I try to stay awake to see if I get a reply but I must last a whole three minutes before I can no longer fight my eyelids.
I feel something gently brush my lips and I take a deep breath in, I can smell him, I can feel him and I want to taste him, my hands reach up to his hair so I can I pull him further into me but he’s gone, he was never there, I was dreaming, I check my phone, it’s three in the morning and he hasn’t replied to my text or called me. I curl into a ball and cry until I must fall back to sleep.
I wake the next morning feeling like shit, my head aches and my belly aches, although luckily, the bleeding has stopped, I have a one armed shower and dress myself so that I am ready and waiting to leave as soon as the nurse talks through my discharge notes and what to do if I feel unwell – blah, blah, blah.
Sam arrives at exactly the moment I am told I can leave and we head to her car, “Has Gabe been in touch?”
I shake my head, if I talk, I will cry; we get into her car in silence and start the drive to see Ava, I have no idea if Gabe will be there but I want to see her regardless. Sam’s phone rings and the console lights up with ‘Jen’.
“Hey Sam.”
“Morning Sam, look are you going to the hospital today to see Lauren?”
“No, they’ve let her home, Laurens here in the car with me now.”
“Hi Jen, I’ve escaped.”
“Lauren, so good to hear your voice, I’m so glad they’ve let you home, sorry I didn’t come visit, but, well what with everything.”
“Jen, honestly, I had so many visitors, its fine, really and you know, with everything else, I’m really not top priority right now, I’m fine, other people aren’t doing so well.”
Shit, did I make that sound like a ‘Oh don’t any one worry about me’ type of speech? It goes quiet for a second too long, “Jen, you ok?”
“Lauren, Ava took a bit of a turn for the worse this morning, she’s having all sorts of adverse reactions to some of the drugs she’s being given, Gabe is in a terrible state, could you go to the hospital rather than going home?”
“I’m on my way there Jen; I wasn’t going home, what have they said? Is there someone there with Gabe now? This can’t be happening.”
I look over at Sam, she’s trying to concentrate on the early morning traffic and listen to the phone conversation, “Nina has been with Gabe all night but she has had to go home to sort the kids out, she will be back there shortly, Gabe hasn’t left her side for almost two days, he really needs you there Lauren.”
My first thoughts are jealous ones, Nina got to spend all night with Gabe, then I hate myself, they are at the bedside of their sick child and here’s me feeling sorry for myself. Nice Lauren, nice.
“Right we’re just pulling into the hospital car park now, we will call as soon as we have news.”
We make our way up to the ICU where Ava is being cared for, I feel weak, dizzy and nauseous, my legs feel like lead as I focus on moving one in front of the other, I will crawl if I have to, I just need to get there, to see her, to see them both.
We are buzzed onto the ward and I follow Sam; Ava’s bed is closest to the nurses’ station, which I know isn’t good; Gabe is sitting in a chair next to her bed, holding her hand.
“You go, there’s only two to a bed allowed” Sam whispers to me.
My heart is pounding in my ears and I stop for a split second as I think I might pass out, I have this strange pins and needles sensation pass through my body and I feel myself sway. Deep breaths Lauren, he needs you, you can do this. I reach his side and put one hand on his shoulder, the other over his and his little girls and squeeze them both, his eyes fly up to mine, he looks, broken and my legs give way.