Resolution (Saviour #2)(3)
I go back inside and pour myself a glass of wine and slump down on the sofa and let out a very deep breath. He proposes marriage and I go and bring up the fact that he was abused. Who does that? Me, that’s who. I don’t deserve him, perhaps Jason’s right, he slapped and pulled me about because I deserved it, I’m a nasty spiteful bitch, with a nasty spiteful mouth and it may have quite possibly cost me my future.
I finish my wine and pour myself another just as I hear the gates open. Gabriel's back, I wonder where he's been and I wonder if he’s staying or will he ask me to leave? I’ve so f*cked things up this time, I press my fingertips into my scalp as I try to think of what I’m going to say to him, how to let him know how sorry I am, but a minute later there's a knock at the front door, the last time that happened when I was here alone, it had been Jay that had barged his way in. I set down my glass and pad quietly down the stairs, it was obviously someone that knew the code to the drive to have got in this far, I try to take some calming breaths as I make my way down, but I still feel an icy unease spread down my spine. As I reach the last few steps, the front door opens and Sam puts her head around the door.
“Lauren, should you be up and about, where's Gabe?”
I'm not sure if it’s the glass of wine, the argument with Gabe, the proposal, anger at myself and my unforgivable words, events from last night or just everything about my life in general, but I flop down onto the bottom step and sob.
“Hey, hey. What's happened, what's going on, are you okay?”
The tears come thick and fast, I have a lump in my throat the size of Queensland and I can't get any words out around it.
Sam comes and sits on the stairs and puts her arms around me, saying nothing as I cry, after a few minutes all I can manage is, “Gabriel proposed.”
She leans away from me, with a truly astonished look on her face. “Shut. The. Front. Door! Gabe, did what, he proposed?”
I nod, it’s all I can manage.
“Fair dinkum. What did you say?”
“I said no and he, he got really, really pissed off with me.”
I try to speak and breathe and sob and make sense, but this is multitasking at its most extreme and I’ve had two glasses of wine and it’s a struggle.
“I thought he was going to hit me.”
“What!?” Sam yells.
“Well no, not hit me, he wouldn’t do that, Gabe would never do that. It’s just habit and I fell, and he was on the floor and then he pissed me off again so I was a bitch and I threw Karen Palmer and Jackie in his face, and he drove off and left me, he left me here on my own and when you knocked I thought, I thought it was Jason again and that he'd come back.”
I sob and dribble and at one stage I even blow a snotty bubble out of my nose. I am a mess. “Sam, I’m such a bad person. I said something terrible. She abused him and I accused him of f*cking her. Why? Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut?”
“Ssssshhh, calm, calm, calm, slow down, slow down, let's go upstairs, you shouldn't be getting yourself worked up like this, you've been through enough lately.”
She helps me stand, we walk upstairs and she passes me my drink and pours herself one as I sit on the sofa, the wine is gone in an instant, Sam goes to the fridge and pulls out another bottle, she tops us both up and then hands me some paper towel off the bench top, I wipe my eyes and nose with it.
“Fuck, I'm sorry, what a f*cking mess. Again, everything is always such a mess with us; nothing is ever simple or straightforward, I’m so over it. I should have just said yes, he wants to marry me; I want to be with him. I should have just said yes, I’m an idiot, I’m a f*ckin idiot who just doesn’t know when to shut up, and what I said was unforgivable.”
I can feel myself getting hysterical again and sob as I speak the last sentence.
“Slow down Lauren and tell me exactly what has happened, who’s Karen Palmer? The name sounds familiar?”
I take a swig of my wine and take a deep breath and tell her about the last few hour’s events and what has been said. I tell her about working for Karen Palmer and what happened when Gabe met me at her new home and I tell her the story of Karen and Gabe’s affair. We make our way outside and sit with our wine and smoke a cigarette as I finish talking.
“Bloody hell Lauren, you seriously couldn’t make this shit up! I actually don’t know what to say; at least you know everything. I didn’t even know about Karen Palmer and I don’t know if the boys do, but you know and that’s something, he’s not tried to hide it from you or deny it. You two obviously love each other and as much as it all seems like a battle right now, you will get through this, you two are fighters and what you have is most definitely worth fighting for, I’m sure of it.”
She chews on her thumb nail, looking really worried, in turn, making me worry. “And you have no idea where he's gone?”
I take a deep breath and shake my head and my scalp begins to prickle as fear begins to slowly creep into my pores. She's worried, what's she thinking? Where does she think he might have gone?
“What are you thinking Sam? You know him better than me. Where’s he likely to go?”
She's making a call from her mobile as I speak and raises her finger to shush me.
“Hey Gabe, I wanna come over and visit Lauren later, can you just call me back and let me know that's alright? Thanks babe, love you.”