Resolution (Saviour #2)(101)
Gabe appears in the doorway and just looks at me. “Gabe.”
“Don’t, just don’t… Not yet, I’m not ready to hear it.”
He presses the button on the wall and opens the garage door. My phone goes again, it’s Jo. “Just get here, now and bring Jake.” She doesn’t say a word and ten minutes later she and Jake are pulling up on the drive. Jo comes and joins me on the stairs, Jake has headed straight into the garage with Gabe, I can hear them talking quietly.
“What the f*ck happened Loz, are you okay?” I reach into my bag and pull out the little plastic zip lock and show it to Jo, she frowns as she looks at it. “Ice?” I can only answer with a nod as I start to cry again.
“All these years Jo. Our whole lives, he’s put me through shit because he’s been using coke then this stuff. And I never even knew.”
“Fuck babe. Fuck.”
Jo and I sit in silence as we watch the boys fix up the doors, when they’re back on their hinges and the lock has been fixed, Gabe turns to Jo and asks “Did you know she was coming here?”
“Gabe, this is nothing to do with Jo, this is my entire fault, nobody else’s.”
“Too right it’s your f*cking fault, I just want to know if she knew. I want to know who I can trust for future reference, because I obviously can’t trust you.”
“Please, Gabe. I f*cked up. I know I f*cked up. Don’t be angry with me, not right now.”
“Don’t be angry with you. Don’t be angry with you? I am beyond f*cking angry Lauren. So beyond angry. What were you thinking, please try and explain to me exactly what you were thinking, because I’m just not getting it, after everything that’s happened, after everything that he has put you through. Why you would want to be anywhere near that man? He pissed on you Lauren, he smashed his way into our home, he knocked you to the floor and he pissed on you and yet still you come here, to his house on your own. Why, please explain to me why. Were you hoping for some big reconciliation?”
“What? No. Of course not, why would you even think that?”
“Why would I think that? Why would I even think that? Perhaps because the minute my back is turned, the minute I’m not here to stop you, you’re here, you’re round here, with him, you’re f*cking pregnant Lauren. You’re carrying our children and that wasn’t enough? Knowing how dangerous, how volatile he can be, knowing full well what he is capable of and knowing that you are pregnant, you came round here and put yourself and the babies in danger. Why, I just want to know why the f*ck you would do that?”
“I did know. I was supposed to meet her here; I should have got here sooner.” Jo jumps in.
“No, Jo. It’s not your fault, you and Jemma told me not to come, it’s my own fault.”
“You’re pregnant Lauren. Did you know this Jo?” Jake asks, Jo nods at him.
“You knew she was pregnant and you let her come here on her own, if you were busy, why didn’t you just ask me to come with her?”
“That’s my fault too, I told her not to tell you, I thought you would just tell Gabe and then …” I trail off and let out a long sigh, this is just one big shit storm now. Everyone is in trouble, and it’s entirely my fault. I take a deep breath.
“I bumped into Jason on Thursday in the supermarket car park, he was calm and civil and polite, he asked me to go for a coffee with him, just to chat about the sale of the house and I said no and he said that I still had stuff here that needed collecting and we agreed today would be a good day and he said he would be out. He would, stay out of the way and that we could deal with the paperwork another time. I told Jemma and Jo and they said I shouldn’t come. But I knew I didn’t have a lot left round here but there are some bits that I do want. So I just thought I would be in and out quick. Jo said she would meet me here, if I was determined to come, she would come with me. He said he wouldn’t be here. I… I should, he was so calm and normal on Thursday, nothing like how he was today. I’ve never seen him like he was today. When I got here and saw the state of the house.” I gesture with my head and my hands. “When I saw the rooms all trashed, I came down the stairs and just got out. I didn’t stay, I didn’t know he was here. I just got out, but he must have heard me and he grabbed me on the drive.”
I start to cry again as I think about how terrified I felt, that was the moment I realised how massively I had f*cked up and all I could think about was keeping my babies safe. “I fought him. Stopped him from dragging me back in the house. He was manic and I knew I had to stay calm. He wanted to burn the car and as he walked towards it, I locked myself in here and called the police and then you called and then he smashed the doors down and then I tried to run up.” I can’t get my breath as I speak through my sobs. Jo put’s her arm around me. “I tried to run up the stairs but he grabbed my hair and he swung me around and hit me. Then he hit me again and tried. I tried to stay on my feet but I started falling, then the police were here and then you were here. I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry, I thought it would be safe. I would never put the babies in danger, never, I just thought it would be okay, he seemed so normal Thursday.”
Jo is sobbing next to me, Jake has his hands on his hips and is just staring at Jo and Gabe is looking at me, with a look of I don’t know what in his eyes. He rakes his hand through his hair and closes his eyes. “I told you Lauren. I forbade you, just the other day, before I left, I told you not to come here. Just once. Just for once in your f*cking life could you not have done as you were told?”