Ramsey Security (Ramsey Security #1-3)(46)

Sighing, I clasp my hands and rest them on my stomach. "You can't help me, and I can't trust you. You've seen evil but haven't been corrupted by it. It polluted me, though. I always feel it on my skin. I tried scrubbing it away. I've also tried taking enough pills not to feel anything. Those are lies, and I'm trying to give up the lies. It's why I'm telling you this now but couldn't before."

I pause to smile at the memory of Troy and me on the floor yesterday.

"Troy is real, and I want real even if it comes with the bad stuff. Maybe you understand that or maybe you don't. It doesn't matter if you understand because you're not the one who has to keep swimming to stay afloat. You can leave this apartment and forget the evil lingering around me. I have no escape. Locke can die a million times, but his crimes are a part of me now and always will be."

Doctor Parker's silence goes on for an eternity. I stare at the couch where Troy took control of my body and reminded me how I could feel pleasure. He's my anchor to a better life. We were both broken in life, and we both healed wrong. I see the rage in his eyes that he believes is gone. I sense the coiled tension of a caged animal. Unable to find his place in this world, Troy resents anyone who has it easy like his brother.

"You've given me a lot to think about," Doctor Parker finally says.

My thoughts on Troy, I barely nod at her comment. She doesn't know where our visits go after my big speech. I don't really care where they go. I only see her to appease Shelley. Well, I want my Prozac too, but I'm sure I can get them from another doctor. Money buys access, but it can't buy true freedom. Maybe love can, though.





34


~~~

Troy

Magical in a World with No Magic

Doctor Parker's visit puts me into a state of complete *. Leaving Darla and the shrink alone to talk, I hide in the security room. No one prowls on the street outside. The cameras show me a quiet building. Locke hasn't given up, but too many failures in a row likely frustrate the f*cker.

I have a camera set up in the living room, and the jerk in me wants to turn on the feed. Distrusting Doctor Parker to keep her nose out of Darla's love life, I nearly cross the line. They'd never know while I'd feel better knowing what they were discussing.

The hour-long visit seems to last twice as long. I can't sit still and keep reaching for the doorknob with the intention of interrupting. The sooner Doctor Parker leaves, the happier I'll be.

Doctor Parker might support Darla and me being together. I'm not a bad guy as far as she knows. I have a job, all my teeth, and a head full of hair. Of course, my credit is crap since I've been off the grid for a decade.

"Idiot," I mutter at myself.

How would Doctor Parker know about my credit or teeth? Why would she care? All she knows is her f*cked up client is rushing into a relationship with a violent man. No way will Doctor Parker be supportive. She'll meddle, and Darla will back away from me. What in the hell will my plan be then? I can't let her go but holding her hostage feels wrong too.

I'm a ball of irritation and stupidity by the time Doctor Parker leaves the apartment. Once I've locked the place down, I find Darla in the kitchen. She takes a bottle of Yoohoo and sits at the kitchen table.

"How did the shrink go?" I ask, fingering her thick blonde hair.

"I realize I don't know much about you."

Anger rising in me, I frown. "Did she talk shit about me?"

"You're very insecure. I find that a curious thing," she says, tapping her chin. "Were you a shy child? Did you wet the bed?"

Darla leans her head back and laughs at her own joke. Watching her, I take in all of the beauty before me. If Doctor Parker tries to convince Darla to dump me, I don't know how I'll react. Normally, I kill people who stand in my way. Killing the shrink might be a bad move. Instead, I might want to threaten her husband until Doctor Parker tells Darla I'm a solid guy.

"What are you thinking about?" Darla asks, frowning now. "You look a little scary."

Leaning forward, I kiss her cheek. "I am a little scary."

"You hide it usually. What else do you hide?"

My hands wrap around her shoulders and massage the tense muscles. "Nothing important."

"Are you close to your family?"

"No. Wait, I'm friends with them on Facebook. Does that count?"

"Not really."

Darla sighs as I massage her neck. "Do you think of your mom often?"

I refuse to react physically to her question. Mentally, I'll be perfectly happy never to think of my mom again.

"No."

"Was she a bad mother?" she asks, turning her head to look back at me.

"She was vacant."

Darla frowns, not truly understanding.

"You never told me about your parents," I say, changing the subject while my fingers work at the tension in her neck.

"They died in a plane crash. It was one of those small planes, and my dad's friend was the pilot. Bad weather and pilot error caused the crash."

"Do you hate the pilot?"

"No."

"You should," I say, and Darla leans back against my chest.

"Do you wish someone caused your mom's death, so you wouldn't have to hate her?"