Ramsey Security (Ramsey Security #1-3)(45)

"Any children?"

"No," I say much quicker, knowing Troy would have mentioned kids.

"Has he always worked security?"

"What does it matter?"

"I'm curious about the man who inspired such changes in you."

I hate the way her eyes dissect me. My first instinct is to look away and hide from her. I also consider telling her whatever she wants to hear. I decide honesty is more empowering.

"I don't know how long I'll be alive. With Troy, I know I'll enjoy whatever time is left."

Frowning, Doctor Parker immediately scribbles in the file again. I narrow my eyes and think of how comfortable her life must be. She's soft just like I was before Locke. I enjoyed a safe, happy life and wouldn't know what to do with someone like me either. Even messed up, I'm stronger than I was before Locke stole me away. This realization comforts me.

"The first Rose killed herself, but I don't think the others did," I say, leaning back and crossing my arms. "Locke said he loved his Rose the best he could, but she wasn't right and left him. So he had to find her again. His babble meant once a Rose failed his rules that he murdered her and found a new girl. He would have done the same to me eventually."

"Then it's even more of a gift that you escaped."

"If Locke can't bring me back, he'll have me killed. Right now, his people fail because they're trying to take me alive. Once he realizes he can't beat Troy and the security team, he'll have someone shoot me while I'm out somewhere. I doubt the security team can protect me beyond hiding me forever."

"They could find Locke and inform the authorities."

"That's my hope, but I'm not clinging to it. If I only have a short time left, I plan to enjoy it with my sister, niece and nephew, new friends, and a hot boyfriend."

Doctor Parker is uncomfortable with this line of conversation. I see it in her eyes. I also notice she doesn't like when I make eye contact for too long. With her, I have power. Relishing it, I refuse to look away.

"Have you been taking your medications?"

"Yes. If I weren't taking them, I wouldn't keep having these visits with you."

Doctor Parker frowns. "Do you not enjoy our visits?"

"No, and I don't think you do either."

"Why do you think this?"

"Are you asking why I don't like you or why I think you don't like me?"

"I'm curious about both reasons actually."

Nodding, I adjust in the chair. "Can I ask if you ever worked for a low-cost clinic or with addicts?"

Doctor Parker gives me a weird look. "I started my career working with families involved in Child Services cases."

Realizing I'm right about her, I gain the courage to challenge her with my real thoughts. No more pretending life is all about happy choices.

"When you worked with those families, you saw the real evil in people. I'm assuming with Child Services involved that you worked with abusive parents. They committed horrible crimes against their flesh and blood. You stared into their eyes and saw the bullshit excuses. You witnessed evil in the form of seemingly normal people. I think you quit that job because you knew you couldn't help them. They were lost causes. Maybe in your work, you're not allowed to admit there are people who can never change."

Doctor Parker shows me nothing on her face, which tells me everything. She hates I know her bullshit. I feel the same way about her.

"The job you have now isn't about helping people either. With your upscale office and clientele, you deal with the problems of the affluent. They obsess over minor things because their lives are too easy to have major things to obsess over. You deal with their neurosis, and you give them self-help tips they probably ignore. They can't be helped, but they're not evil. You don't look at them and see the darkness in all of us. With me, you do see it, though. It's why I make you uncomfortable. When you quit that job, you left that reality behind and don't need the reminder."

Doctor Parker nods as if she's considering my words, continuing her bullshit.

"Want to know why I don't like you?" I ask, pressing the issue.

Nodding again, Doctor Parker waits, and I know she's very interested in why anyone would dislike her. She's rather perfect, of course.

"I was like you before Locke," I say, holding her gaze. "I lived a blessed life. Good looks, decent brains, no big hang-ups to divert me from enjoying life. My sister married a decent man with a big bank account. We ate the best foods, and I got to travel to fun places. My sister never forgot me. Even after Vern and the kids, she was still my best friend. I enjoyed her life. Evil was for other people in other places, and it couldn't touch me."

Leaning back in the chair, I force my body to unclench. "Now I've known evil up close and personal. I've seen the darkness we all hide inside ourselves. I've seen it flourish, and I felt it corrupt me. Back in this life, I'm forced to pretend like evil doesn't exist or can't win. With the suburban beauties that live in Shelley's life, I hide from their lies by covering myself and being off-putting enough for them to keep their distance. With you, though, I'm expected to stare into the eyes of a lie and trust in it. I resent pretending evil isn't real. I've seen it in Locke and his servants. I felt it in myself too. It's real, but with you, I have to pretend it can be overcome with enough therapy, pills, and happy thoughts."