Raging Heart On (Lucas Brothers #2)(2)

“What?”

“I’m lonely. I’m not like you. I actually like being with another person. I enjoy quiet nights at home watching television. I like sharing a pizza and watching the big game. I enjoy being with just one person and knowing what to expect from them. I miss it. I’m lonely,” I tell him, wondering if he even realizes that the one person I do that the most with is him. It’s a stupid question, because he doesn’t. He never has understood that we spend more time together than any married couple, which was another reason I accepted Tommy’s proposal. I have to forget White. I have to get a little distance from him. I have to. I can’t keep going on like this.

“Being lonely isn’t a reason to get married, Kay. That’s not a good reason to tie yourself to someone. What if you—?”

“I want children, White.”

“What?” White asks, acting as if he doesn’t believe it, and maybe he doesn’t. He’s never wanted them. He talks all the time about how Green’s child destroyed his brother’s life. I don’t see it that way, but White never understood. “Kay, honey, you have plenty of time to have kids.”

“I’m almost thirty years old, White. I may have plenty of time, but I want to have them while I’m young enough to do things with them. I want to start living my life and I want a family. I want a home with kids, a husband, and a dog…”

“Damn it, Kay, you can’t just wake up one day and decide you want to get married. It’s not done that way.”

“I didn’t just do it one day. You just haven’t listened. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

“Who is this man? You can’t really know him.”

I take a breath, knowing this will just make White worse. “Tommy Haynes.”

“Cynthia’s ex?” he almost screams. I wince and hold the phone away from my ear. It really is too early to be having this conversation.

“He hasn’t been with Cynthia in years,” I remind him.

“What the f*ck ever. That man is as shady as they come.”

“He is not! He’s a good guy and I like him.”

“See? That right there! Like. You can’t like the man you marry, Kay. You’re supposed to love him.”

“I’ll grow to love him.”

“Or hate him. Don’t do this, Kayla. I’m begging you. Think about it for a little while. I didn’t even know you and Tommy were dating. Did you keep it hidden from me?”

“Do you blame me?”

“We don’t keep things from each other!”

“Like you didn’t keep the fact that you slept with my sister Rachel from me?”

Oops. I didn’t mean to say that out loud. I really and truly didn’t. I wonder if he can tell the bitterness in my voice. Can he hear the hurt? That’s the real reason I agreed to marry Tommy. White sleeping with Rachel was the final straw, the shining beacon that said I was wasting my life dreaming about a man who would never see me as more than a buddy.

“She told you that?” White says quietly.

I swallow. Did he ask her not to? Is that why she hasn’t mentioned it? God, why does it feel like they betrayed me? Why? I shouldn’t feel that way. I shouldn’t be mad or hurt… but I am.

“Did you ask her not to?”

“Well, we both thought…”

“It’s okay, White. It’s not any of my business. But this can’t be yours, either. If I want to marry Tommy, then you should support me. We’re friends. That’s what friends do.”

“Kay…”

“Listen, I’ve got to go. I’m running late for work. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“We really should—”

“Bye, White,” I say, not giving him time to talk anymore and hanging up. I stare at the phone in my hand for a few more minutes. I hung up on White. It feels wrong. It feels… like the end of an era, and I guess it is. I’m going to marry Tommy Haynes. Things have to change.

I keep repeating that all the way to work. Somehow, it doesn’t help.





CHAPTER 2


WHITE




“Who are you screaming at in here? You’re interrupting my and Jansen’s morning devotional,” my mom Ida Sue says, coming in from outside. She’s buttoning up her shirt as she walks, and from the look of the straw in her hair, they were having “fun time” in the barn again. Jesus.

I really should just go back home to Dallas. Kayla and I both live there. Our apartments are actually in the same complex on the edge of the city. Mom’s is actually about three hours West. I started to stay home to recover, but everywhere I turned was a reminder that I wouldn’t be out on the field. I wouldn’t hear the roar of the crowd, or the wind rush from me when being sacked on the fifty-yard line. I wouldn’t be able to feel the exhilaration of making it all the way to the end zone.

Football is in my blood. It always has been. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Being home in Dallas and being denied what makes me whole was horrible, so I came back home to recuperate. At least my mom and Jansen have stopped having sex on the kitchen table. The one time I saw that, I thought I was going to have to gouge my eyes out.

“Kayla’s getting married,” I tell her.