RNWMP: Bride for Theodore (Mail Order Mounties)(23)

“He is! He could be playing and singing professionally, but he was more interested in fighting bad guys, so he’s here. We’re glad to have him, because he’s a good Mountie, and he does a lot to keep us entertained.”

“I’m glad you have him. I can’t imagine how lonely it would be if you didn’t have someone like him around.”

Theodore nodded. “I’ll be lonelier than ever before when you get on that train to go back to Ottawa. Mother never should have put the idea of marrying in my head!”

“I’m really sorry we showed up the way we did. I feel bad for my part in it.” Jess didn’t meet his eyes, and instead watched as Elijah and Miss Hazel danced cheek to cheek, Miss Hazel’s eyes filled with mirth.

“I’ve never blamed you for what happened, Jess.” At her look of disbelief, he amended his statement. “Well, not after the first few minutes at the train station. When I had time to think about it, I knew you weren’t being deceitful. That was all my mother. I don’t think she’d ever do anything like that to anyone but me. She thought the two of you would get off the train and I’d marry you, because I would fulfill her promise. I couldn’t, though.”

Jess sighed. “I know. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I feel as though I have.” He struggled to find the words he needed to say—the words that would make her want to stay. “At the academy, they discourage Mounties from marrying. I always felt that if I did marry someday, it would feel like I was providing a hostage to any man who I angered in my line of work.”

“And? Is that how you feel?” she asked.

“All I can think about is how much I want to have you by my side for the rest of my life. It’s selfish of me, because I know that your life back in Ottawa is so much better than I could give you here. A life with no friends to call your own. What kind of life would that be?”

“If I was married to you, it would be wonderful. I can live without female friends, but I don’t know that I can live without you.” Her eyes met his for the first time since the conversation had started. “When I dreamed of you and the future we could have together, it was just some sort of peaceful dream where we walked along hand-in-hand and smiled at each other a lot.” She shook her head. “Since I’ve taken the time to get to know you…to really spend time with you…to be kissed by you…I know I’ll spend the rest of my life missing those things. Because now that I’ve had them, I want them forever.”

His heart sank at her words. She was rejecting him. Jess was still planning to go back to Ottawa and live out her life without him. “Would it be better if I stayed away from you for the remainder of your time here?”

A tear sprang to Jess’s eye. “No, it wouldn’t. Let me have my dream for a little bit longer. Please.”

He nodded, but he couldn’t meet her eyes again. Not when she was crying. It was all he could do not to growl in pain, like the bear she’d called him. Maybe he should quit his job and go back to Ottawa. He could be a police officer there. It wouldn’t be the same as being a Mountie, but he wasn’t sure how much that mattered. Without Jess, his life wouldn’t really feel complete.

He stared over her head as he continued to spin her around the room. None of the other men tried to cut in. They must have recognized that he simply was incapable of letting her go for now. How could he? Soon she would be off to live her life without him, and he’d be left to deal with her memory. He would see her everywhere he walked.

Jess wanted to beg him to let her stay, but if he didn’t want her, then she wasn’t going to plead. She’d find a way to be happy. She had to.



Jess cried herself to sleep that night, and was glad there was no mirror the next morning. She didn’t want to see her bloodshot eyes. She was up even earlier than usual, making muffins for the men to go with their eggs and bacon. She couldn’t sleep, so she might as well work.

While the muffins baked, she mixed the dough for bread, leaving it to rise on the work table. While she waited for the men to come, she got out a huge pot to make jam. She loved making jam for some absurd reason no one understood, including herself. There were still berries left to be picked, so if she could get all of the jam made today, perhaps she’d have time to do more tomorrow. Then she wouldn’t have to worry so much about Theodore or any of his friends having to eat the old bread that came from the mercantile.

She forced herself to think only about the work she was doing, not letting her mind flit to going home. Home. It was such an odd word. It didn’t even feel like Ottawa was still her home.

She looked around the little cabin, thinking about how it had looked when she’d arrived. The windows now sparkled, and the floor was clean enough she wouldn’t mind eating off of it.

She pushed the jam to the back of the stove a few minutes before she knew the Mounties would arrive, and tried to tell herself she was happy. Knowing she wouldn’t have to work nearly this hard back in Ottawa should thrill her, shouldn’t it?

Joel was the first of the Mounties to arrive that morning, and he quickly set the room to rights, moving the table to the middle of the floor where it had been. “Are you all right?” he asked softly.

Jess shrugged. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She forced a smile to her face, but it took everything she had in her to do it. It actually hurt to try to turn up the corners of her mouth. She’d always been a relatively happy person, the first one to pitch in during a crisis. This wasn’t going to change that about her.