Pull (Seaside #2)(53)

“Right,” I said shakily. I couldn’t sit. I paced in the living room for the next ten minutes, alternating between cursing and wanting to run my own face through the wall.

Finally the door to Mrs. Murray’s office opened up. And because I was currently living my own version of hell, it didn’t seem shocking to have Holly be the girl coming out of the office.

In tears.

She looked in my direction and then down at the papers in my hand. I tried to hide them, instead I froze. She froze too. I wasn’t sure who was more freaked out, she or I.

“You know?”

“No.” I lied.

“You’re lying.”

I gulped and looked down. I couldn’t even look her in the eyes. “I didn’t mean to read it. I was gathering the papers, and it fell and I saw his name and… I’m so sorry.” My voice cracked.

Holly sighed and walked over to me. “Maybe it’s good that you know.”

“How is it good that I know? How the hell is it good?” I was shaking again. Damn, what I wouldn’t do for a drink or for someone to shoot me and put me out of my misery.

“At least you know why I waited to so long to tell Aaron, and why Brady’s death upset me so much. It feels good to tell someone else. Now four people know. You, Sam, Mrs. Murray, and Aaron.”

I knew where this was going. I took a step back, but she took a step forward at the exact same time. “I can’t tell her yet. I’m not ready.”

I wasn’t able to find my voice.

Holly’s eyes welled with tears. “What good would it do anyway? I can’t have her remember him as a cheater. It’s bad enough that Sam knows. Besides, Brady loved her. It was a mistake. I can’t do that to his memory.”

“He’s dead!” I screamed, completely losing my cool.

Holly stepped back.

“He’s freaking dead, and everyone pretends like he was some sort of hero, some saint! She deserves to know what he did, what he did to both of you! He should have taken care of you. He shouldn’t have been at a party when he had a girlfriend, and he sure as hell shouldn’t have been drinking if he was tempted by other girls!”

“I know.” Holly’s chin trembled. “I know this and you know this. But please, just please, don’t tell her yet. You weren’t supposed to see it.”

I bit my lip to keep from cursing again and took two deep breaths. “But that’s the thing, Holly. I did and now I feel stuck. I can’t betray your trust as your group leader, but every time I see her I’m going to feel like I can’t look at her in the face without feeling like I’m betraying her.”

“I’ll tell her.” Holly straightened her spine and sighed. “Just give me some time, okay? I promise I’ll tell her soon.”

“Promise me. Look me in the eyes and promise me.”

Holly didn’t even blink. She stared me down and nodded. “I promise.”

I exhaled. All the taffy in the world wasn’t going to relieve me of the stress I felt at this point. Lame, but I needed to go for a run or something. Get all this shit off my chest.

I looked up to see Holly gone and Mrs. Murray standing outside her door.

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

“All of it.”

“What do I do?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

I broke. I could count on my right hand the times I’d broken in my life, where I’ve cried and felt so completely helpless that I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. My heart was shattering, and there was nothing Mrs. Murray could do, nothing I could do, nothing drugs could do to stop it. Nope, this was life, pure and raw. And as much as I wanted to numb it, at least I was living while that bastard was dead.

Mrs. Murray didn’t say anything else. She just held me while I shook in her arms. I wasn’t even crying. I was too upset, too pissed to cry. I wanted to break something, to break him. I would do anything to take the pain away. Because I knew there was no way I could keep this from Alyssa. I would give Holly some time, but if she never said anything, I would. And I knew the minute I did, Alyssa’s trust for any guy would shoot straight out the window. Didn’t she tell me she couldn’t feel for a guy? That she was afraid of losing someone?

How the hell was I going to expect her to handle my life? My fame? With girls swarming? I mean, I could tell her until I was blue in the face that I loved her, but the memory of Brady would constantly plague her.

Shit. Just when I felt like I was helping her get over the guy there’s another rock thrown into the mess. It was like he was trying to keep her from me, even in his death. I hated the person he had turned me into.

I was saying hate an awful lot these days.

When I stopped trembling, Mrs. Murray released me. “Give Holly some time.”

“And then what? Pretend like my heart isn’t freaking breaking?”

“No,” Mrs. Murray said calmly. “Then you do what’s right.”

“What if by doing the right thing I lose it all?”

“This isn’t about you, Demetri.”

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s about the girl I fell in love with.

The taffy girl at Seaside. The very beautiful girl that I have to let go of, and it kills me to let go of the girl who stole my heart. A heart I won’t ever give back, because it belongs to her now, my best friend.”