Pull (Seaside #2)(57)

“Thanks, Holly.” I walked over the bed and sat. My dress crunched a bit. It was a strapless baby doll style dress. It was black and silver with pieces of hanging material across the bodice making it look kind of grunge and trendy. My heels were red. All in all, it wasn’t something I would normally pick out for myself, but Nat insisted. She had it overnighted just in case it wasn’t the right size, and I needed to get it altered.

It fit perfect, and I felt really confident in it. I even let Holly do some of my makeup. I hoped Demetri would feel proud to have me on his arm.

Holly played with the fringe on her pale pink skirt. She wasn’t talking much.

“Are you feeling okay?” I asked, suddenly concerned when tears welled in her eyes.

She bit her lip and nodded. Strands of her chunky blond-and brown-highlighted hair fell over her eye. “I’m fine, just feeling kind of… off. It’s probably nerves about the party.”

Just then the doorbell rang. “Come on.” I grabbed her hand.

“We’ve gotta get through group first!”

I almost tripped down the stairs. It had been a while since I wore heels. Dad glanced at me just as he reached for the door. His mouth dropped open, he shook his head no a few times and then walked off in a daze.

“I think I just put him in shock,” I said to Holly.

She laughed. “Imagine what it will do to Demetri.”

“That’s probably my dad’s problem — he was imagining what Demetri would do.” He was probably going to complain to my mom later about my dress. But I imagined her hugging me more than reprimanding me.

I opened the door and came face to face with Sam.

“Hey!” I gave him a hug. Geez, if I didn’t stop smiling people were going to think I was on drugs.

“Um, hi.” His eyes took in my dress and then his smile widened. “You look great, Alyssa. Demetri’s going to have a stroke.”

I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment as I looked away from Sam.

“Can… um…” Sam looked passed me to Holly and then grabbed my arm. “Can we go somewhere and talk really quick?”

“Sure.” I shrugged. “Holly, can you let everyone in?”

“Sure thing.” She saluted as I led Sam away from the door and upstairs to my room.

Once we were inside I closed the door. “What’s up, Sam?”

“I can’t do this.” Sam paced in front of me.

“Do what?” My stomach dropped when I saw his eyes well with tears.

“Damn, I just can’t do it anymore, Alyssa. It’s killing me.

You have no idea! I thought I was protecting you! That’s all I’ve ever done is protect you! Make him into a damn martyr and wait for you to admit it was me you liked, not him. Damn, I knew you loved him. I just wanted you to love me too. But in the end I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. Damn regrets.”

I’d never heard Sam curse. Not once. Was he high? “Sam, what are you talking about?”

“Six years,” he whispered hoarsely. “Six years I’ve been in love with you. The last year you spent with Brady was the hardest.

I mean, he was my little brother. I couldn’t exactly move in on his girlfriend, and then when everything happened, my feelings just faded. I mean, I loved you, but you weren’t you anymore. You know what I mean? The girl I fell in love with died right along with my brother. And it was too damn painful to be around you, because your smile was gone and it was his fault. All his fault. He took his heart with you when he died and I was so afraid you’d never get it back.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” I asked, voice shaking with emotion. I wasn’t sure what I was. Angry? Confused? Hurt?

“Regrets. We’ve been talking about regrets in group. Want to know what mine was?”

Not really. No. Because it may just take away the smile on my face.

“I regretted not telling you how I felt about you, and then I regretted not being the guy to pull you out of it. I abandoned you, and I’m ashamed I did. I mean, I was still here working and keeping an eye on you, but it was never for Brady. I mean, I lied to you when I said that. He never asked me to. He wouldn’t have asked me to even given the opportunity. Every day I saw you I felt worse and worse for keeping things from you, things about him, but then I was afraid if I told you, you’d finally be pushed too far, and no one would be able to pull you out of the depression.”

“Sam!” I fisted my hands at my sides. “What do you mean the things you didn’t tell me?”

“Not now.” Sam pulled an envelope out of his pocket and put it on my dresser. “I don’t even know what’s right anymore, Alyssa. But I had to get it off my chest. Please forgive me for lying to you. Forgive me for being selfish, and forgive me for not being the friend you needed.”

“You’re already forgiven.” The words fell from my mouth without effort and I meant them. I had no idea Sam felt that way about me or what type of relationship he’d had with Brady. I’d always assumed they were like best friends. I guess this was all the information I was getting from Sam tonight. He stormed out of my room and said thank you, but not before I saw some stray tears slip down his face.

With shaking hands I lifted the packet from my dresser. It wasn’t addressed to me, but there was a sticky note on it that said I’m sorry.