Preston's Honor(72)

“I know you do, Mom. And we can’t change the past—like I said, we all made mistakes. I’m going to try my damnedest to fix what I can, and I hope you’ll do the same. An apology to Lia wouldn’t be out of line.”

“An apology? She owes us an apology.” My mother looked indignant for a moment but then she sighed and put Hudson, who was squirming in her arms, on the floor. He crawled to me and I pulled him onto my lap where he started grabbing for things on the desk.

My building irritation with my mother almost caused me to miss the soft knock on our front door. “There’s your mama,” I said, standing up with Hudson and heading toward the door. “We can talk more later, Mom.” My mom followed behind me, grabbing a sweater off the coat tree in the foyer.

I opened the door and Lia was there, beautiful in a white flowy skirt and a black tank top. Her hair was braided again, and she smiled brightly when she saw Hudson in my arms. “Happy birthday, little man.”

“Hi, Lia,” my mother said as she scooted past me. “I hope you all have a nice day.”

“Mrs. Sawyer,” Lia said, turning to watch her walk down the steps.

“Come on in.” I handed Hudson to her and her smile grew. We walked into the family room and when we got there, he took her face in his chubby hands so she couldn’t look away and jabbered something nonsensical that sounded like, hasni mabashka. She laughed out a small sound and her eyes moved to mine, eyebrows raised as a happy but helpless look took over her expression.

I laughed, too. “Your guess is as good as mine on that one.”

I walked over to them. “What are you trying to tell Mama?” Hudson kept his hands on Lia’s cheeks but turned his eyes to me, repeating the same incomprehensible statement. Lia looked at me as well, her eyes shiny with tears, her expression full of what looked like gratitude—I assumed because I’d referred to her as Mama in front of Hudson.

I looked back and forth from one to the other, two pairs of stunning light green eyes focused on me and the sight hit me low in my gut. Those beautiful, expressive eyes that I’d loved all my life were now looking back at me from my son’s face and the power of that suddenly overwhelmed me with a mixture of possessiveness and wonder. They were mine. This woman and this child. Mine.

Hudson looked back at Lia and repeated himself one final time, letting go of her face and pointing at his new train table. “Tay,” he said very seriously.

Lia laughed and brought him to his train table and stood him in front of it. I watched as they played trains together for a while, my heart squeezing at the sight of the two of them together. I soaked it in, realizing I’d never really watched them together—I’d left so much of his care to her those first six months because I’d been so obsessed with the farm, and then so exhausted at the end of each day.

But I realized now that the times I had seen her, she’d never had the light in her eyes that she did right now. I’d written it off to the exhaustion of new parenthood. I’d known she was probably as tired as I was, and I’d told myself I would be able to help her more once the farm was doing better. After all, I’d been trying to save the farm for them as well—it wasn’t only my family legacy, it was my livelihood, the way I put food on the table and a roof over all our heads. I was working as hard as I was to care for them. Only Lia had needed more—she had needed emotional care, too, and I hadn’t taken the time to acknowledge that.

I got down on the floor with them after a few minutes, and watched Hudson chatter happily as he moved his train around the tracks. “Hey, Lia, I asked Tracie to come over so you and I could get out for a little bit. Is that okay?”

She looked at me, her eyes moving over my face. She looked slightly troubled. “We could bring Hudson with us.” She pushed his hair back from his forehead as he played.

“He’ll need a nap soon, and I’d like to spend some time with you. I think it’s important.”

Her eyes softened and she nodded. “All right.”

We played with Hudson a little longer and then fed him his lunch together. Tracie arrived just as Lia was cleaning up, and she greeted Tracie just a little warily, the same way she had at Hudson’s party the day before. I saw the remoteness in her eyes. I knew that look. As I thought of all the other instances I’d seen that same look throughout our lives, I realized it was there to hide hurt.

Ah, Lia. I thought I understood you so clearly. I had so much to learn, didn’t I? I still do. I hope you’ll let me.

Tracie took Hudson upstairs, smiling and telling us to have a good time. I turned to Lia. “What do you think about making it like old times and walking over to the creek where we used to cool off?”

I’d been planning to take her into town for lunch, but I suddenly just wanted to be completely alone with her, and something inside told me we needed to start again—from the beginning. I wanted to go back in time and do things over, ask the right questions, demand things I’d never felt comfortable insisting upon. I couldn’t do that in actuality, but in a way we were starting over now, even though we had a baby together and had lived in the same house for nearly a year.

“Is there water in it?”

“I think so. I can’t be sure because I haven’t been there this season, but there should at least be some.”

She shrugged one shoulder, smiling a slight smile. “Okay.”