Preston's Honor(71)

That was the result of trying to suck it up, trying to please, trying to fade into the background so no one had to be bothered by me, embarrassed by me, forced to associate with me. I sighed. That wasn’t the example I wanted for my son. I wanted to be strong, to make him proud . . . and if at all possible, I wanted to fight to give him a family.

The rain was letting up and the sun was shining through the slats of the blinds on the windows of the apartment, softening the drab ugliness. My mama was stirring, and I moved quickly to the bathroom so I could shower before she got up. I dried my hair and braided it loosely for the sake of ease and then applied a bit of makeup.

I got dressed and went to the kitchen and brewed a pot of coffee, taking a cup back to my mama where she had moved to her chair. “I’m going to spend the day with Preston and Hudson, Mama. And then I’m going to come back here and make us dinner. I’m going to tell you all about your sister because I think you want to know even though you won’t ask. You don’t have to listen if you don’t want to, but I’m going to talk and . . . well, that’s that.”

She looked annoyed but her foot bounced the way it did when she was nervous. She didn’t say anything as she took her coffee from my hand and took a sip, looking at me skeptically over the rim of the cup, but not saying no. “Okay then,” I murmured.

I grabbed my purse and left the apartment, making the familiar drive to Preston’s. It was a beautiful early spring day. It was my baby boy’s first birthday.





CHAPTER NINETEEN


Preston



My mother breezed into the office where I sat going over some paperwork. “Where’s Hudson?”

I glanced over at the long drapes and nodded my head toward them, raising one eyebrow. “I have no idea,” I said loudly. “He was here a minute ago.”

My mom grinned, taking a step toward the curtains where there was obvious rustling and a baby laugh. “Hmm. Well it seems as if he’s disappeared. You really should watch him more closely. Now I’m going to have to look for him.” Another giggle and more rustling.

My mom took several minutes to pretend to look for him as I went back to my paperwork. Finally she pulled back the curtain and gasped as if in surprise. Hudson let out a delighted burst of laughter. She picked him up and kissed his cheek. “Happy birthday, sweetness.”

I smiled up at them. My mom could be a snob and a pain in the ass, but she loved her grandson. There was no denying that.

“What are your plans for today?”

“Lia’s coming over, and we’re going to spend the day with her.” I’d actually asked Tracie to come over for a couple of hours and stay with Hudson while he napped so I could take Lia out.

My mom gave me a displeased stare. “Is that really a good idea? What if the baby gets attached to her and she leaves again? Oh Preston, you have to think of your son.”

I let out a breath. If things were going to work with Lia and me, it was past time I put up some boundaries with my mother. “I am thinking of him. I’m thinking of all three of us.” Like I should have been all along.

I looked at her for a moment, her lips pressed together, that haughty look on her face she wore so well. “Mom, Hudson is Lia’s son, and I won’t have you undermining her role in his life. I think you did that even while she was here, trying her best, and I should have seen it. I should have seen what was happening and I didn’t. I was blind to everything except my own pain, and Lia suffered because of it. Probably more than I’ve even come to realize.”

“Don’t you think I was in pain, too?” Her voice rose in sound and in octave.

“Yes. We were all in pain, and we all made mistakes—some bigger than others. But it was my responsibility to protect my family, and I fell down on the job.”

“You didn’t fall down on the job. You saved the farm. What was more important than that?”

Lia. Hudson. They should have been more important than that. I sighed. “All I’m asking is that you try to find some forgiveness and understanding for the reasons Lia left, and maybe even consider that you held some responsibility in making her feel unwelcome here.”

“What was I supposed to do? I hardly had the strength to put up objections to her moving in. She showed up here pregnant during the worst time of my whole life—”

“Who do you think got her pregnant?”

“Don’t be crass. And for all you know, she got pregnant on purpose to get out of that tiny apartment you told me she lived in in town.”

Crass? “Jesus, Mom. She didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I needed her here so I could focus on the farm.”

“And how was I supposed to say no to that?”

I paused as the picture became clear. I’d told my mother I needed Lia here if I was going to put the time in on the farm that was necessary to try to save it and in doing so, I’d helped myself, but condemned Annalia to living as an unwelcome guest. “This is what you did to her, isn’t it? All those months you made her feel like she’d forced herself on us purposefully. You made sure she knew she was unwanted?” Dirty. Just like she’d felt that day at school when Alicia Bardua had called her disgusting when she’d seen bedbugs on her.

My mom looked away but not before I’d seen the truth in her eyes. Oh, Christ. And right here, right under my nose. A stab of guilt made me wince. “I love my grandson,” she said, kissing the top of Hudson’s head. He was playing with the locket she wore around her throat and at her kiss, looked up and smiled.