Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (Silence #3)(32)

“I got a flat,” I said, trying to direct the conversation away from Max.

“That’s good.”

“Yeah a mate is letting me crash in the place he’s doing up to rent. I’ve got two months to find somewhere else in exchange for painting the place and putting new coving up.”

“You seem happier now. You didn’t like staying at Oakley’s?”

“It’s not that. I feel better that I’m not drifting now, you know? It’s not home, and I won’t get that until my place is sold and I can buy another house but it’s a start. I felt like a loser for believing I had a future with Abby and an even bigger one for crashing at my sister’s.”

“Highs and lows are a part of life, Jasper. There’s not one person that hasn’t had to have help of some sort at some point. There’s no reason to feel like a ‘loser’ about it.”

I shrugged. “I can’t help how I feel.”

“Of course. You’ve spent the last eight years being the strong one that your mum and sister relied upon. You feel you should just be able to deal with this and move on quickly. But you can’t, very understandably, so you feel worse about yourself.”

I blinked a few times, and she smiled, knowing she’d hit the bullseye.

“I will get over it,” I said.

“I have no doubt that you will, but I think it’ll go a lot faster, and a lot smoother if you allow yourself to go through it.”

Shuffling on the sofa, I nodded. “I’ll try.”



I went to get something for dinner and crate of beer after therapy. Parking outside the supermarket, I spotted Brett walking to his car with a full trolley. My hand fisted around the door handle. His life hadn’t been screwed up by his affair with my wife. Nothing had changed for him.

Shoving the door open, I ran at a dead speed and collided with his back. He shouted out, air leaving his lungs. His eyes widened as he spun around and saw who’d slammed into him.

“Jasper,” he gasped. “I’m so sorry. We didn’t plan it. It just happened.”

“Right, of course, you just fell inside her. Was that how it happened, Brett?”

He shook his head. “I am sorry. I’ve got to go.”

I laughed. “Yeah, say hi to my wife for me.”

As he walked away, he muttered, “I’m not seeing her.”

I couldn’t give a flying fuck if he was. I walked in the supermarket, heart pounding and hands shaking, and picked up two bottles of Bourbon.





Chapter Thirteen


Rubbing my tired, stinging eyes, I tried to make sense of what was on the computer screen. I’d had about four hours sleep after downing a bottle of Bourbon and crashing on the sofa. I felt like shit, but at seven in the morning, I woke up needing the toilet and something popped into my head: I’d taken Abby’s name.

Now I wished I’d changed my surname to my mum’s maiden name and not worried that I would have a different one to my wife. I couldn’t stay a Farrell and have anything related to my father, but I should have thought more about what would happen if me and Abby broke up. At the time that seemed impossible though. We were never going to hurt each other. We were going to be one of the couples that made it.

I was lost with no last name to claim that didn’t hurt like hell. There was no name I could now take that related me to anyone. Mum had Miles’ and Oakley had Cole’s. A name shouldn’t matter, but when you had nothing it was oddly important.

I dialled Mum’s number, and she picked up right when I was about to give up. “Hello?” she said down the line.

Shit, I’d woken her up. “Mum, sorry, I’ll call back later.”

“No! I’m awake. Are you okay, love?”

“I need a surname.”

Silence.

“Sorry?” she finally said.

“I don’t want Abby’s anymore. I definitely don’t want Max’s. What surnames are in the family?”

“Um. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yeah, I don’t want anything to do with her anymore.”

“Alright. Well there’s my maiden name or your nan’s.”

“What’s nan’s?” I should probably know that, but I didn’t. I bet Oakley did.

“Scofield.”

“Jasper Scofield,” I said.

“Sounds good,” Mum said. “And I think it would mean a lot to Nan. Are you sure you don’t just want to go back to Farrell?”

I ground my teeth. “I’d rather have no name than his.”

“I understand, but I’d also understand if you wanted to. It was your name too, what you were born with and supposed to pass on.”

“Well now it’ll die with him and that suits me just fine.”

She sighed. “Okay. What did you do last night?”

“Nothing.”

“Stayed in and drank?”

“Why’d you ask if you knew?”

“Jasper, sweetheart. You can do better than this. Don’t you dare let that woman break you. I know it’s devastating to find out someone you love is a different person than you thought but you can get through it. Pick yourself up, love, you’re better than this.”