Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (Silence #3)(25)

“You’re explaining it fine. I think I get it.”

“This is just a bit of land with grass and mud and trees.” She nodded once, and her eyes glazed over. As strong as she was trying to be it was still hard for her.

“What did the bastard do when he saw how scared you were of this place?” My hand tightened around hers. Whenever I thought about him, I wanted to rip his head from his shoulders. Hate was a strong word but not nearly strong enough for what I felt for him.

“Nothing.” She gulped. “By the time it got…really bad I wasn’t talking, and he didn’t care.”

Okay we were done with that conversation. I was having trouble breathing evenly. I wanted to kill him so badly it hurt.

“Did, er, did Frank stay all weekend?”

“Yes. He was in a separate tent though. A bigger one.”

“You shared a tent with Max?” I asked. He wasn’t Dad to me, and he hadn’t been for a long time.

“Yes.”

“And he definitely never did...anything.”

She shook her head. I knew he hadn’t; she’d said many times before that the man that created us never touched her like that – he’d just let his sick friend do it and took pictures. What we didn’t know was that the place it happened still haunted her. Secrets had plagued our family for years. I didn’t want any more.

“He was a different person when we were away. The change was instant. As soon as we were in the car he was cold and detached. Like he was severing our relationship in his mind so I was no longer his daughter.”

“Hope they fucking rot,” I growled.

“Calm down,” she said, squeezing my hand. “Don’t let them get to you like this. We’re here, and they’re not. I never think of it as winning, but I suppose that’s the easiest thing to compare it to. If you let them rule you then they win.”

He’d already won. He may well spend the rest of his life in prison, but he’d screwed us up forever. Like Oakley said, it would always be there. I was a man; I was supposed to protect the women in my family. I failed my baby sister and all the time our dad was hurting her I was hero-worshiping him. I hated myself.

“What can’t you get past? The guilt?” she asked. Her voice was so low I barely caught it.

“That’s the main one.”

She squeezed my hand again; opting to not tell me I shouldn’t feel guilty for the seven millionth time. I loved that she didn’t blame me for not knowing; it would kill me if she did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t blame myself. Who didn’t notice something like that?

“I think I’m ready to go now.”

“Yeah?” I asked through clenched teeth, trying to calm myself down.

“Yes. I expected to feel… more. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.”

“Good. I think good.”

She look up at me and smiled tightly.

“I think maybe it is too.”

I turned, and it took her a second to move but then we were walking back to the car. We’d been there less than five minutes. It wasn’t over; I wasn’t stupid enough to think that demon had been exorcised already. It was more like opening the door for her to talk about it.

“Now, how do you want to deal with Abby?” she asked.

“Time machine so I can go back and not marry her. What the hell is wrong with me? I never should have given her a second chance.”

Oakley stopped, grabbing my arm and pulling me around to face her.

“Don’t you ever blame yourself for what that bitch did. Even if you were growing apart, that doesn’t give her the right to cheat. It’s not your fault, Jasper.”

“I don’t know what to do now. I want to hate her.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around me. I hugged her back, swallowing the rising lump in my throat.

Her betrayal hurt like hell. The thought of her with another man, kissing him, underneath him, telling him what she wanted, made me want to hurl.

“What am I going to do? I can’t get the image of them out of my head. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“You’re going to be fine. You’re going to talk to her and sort out what you need to. Then you’re going to pick yourself up and start again. We’re all here to help, and you know you can stay at mine for as long as you like.”



Back at Oakley’s house, I excused myself from drinking tea with her and went up to ‘my’ room. She’d just dealt with something bigger than a cheating spouse, so I had to grow a pair and call my wife.

As ready for this call as I thought I should be my heart still raced.

“Jasper!” Abby said, sobbing down the phone. “Thank God. I’ve been trying to reach you. Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Stop.” I gripped the phone. Hearing her cry was shredding me. “Stop crying, you have no right to cry.” And I can’t stand when you’re upset…even now. “I just want to know why.”

“I don’t know why. Please come home so we can talk.”

“I called you so we can talk. Tell me why.”

“Jasper,” she whispered.

I clenched my fist. “Abby,” I snapped. “If you’re not going to give me what I want and tell me why then I’m just going to hang up. I didn’t call to hear you cry. I called to ask you why you cheated on me and destroyed our marriage.”