Over the Edge (Bridge #3)(82)

“This is a big deal.”

She was trying to be serious, but I could tell she was struggling not to smile.

This was how I got my way. If I could just keep her laughing or coming, she couldn’t dig her heels in too much.

I lifted off of her, pretending like I wanted to talk, but swiftly took advantage of my position to slip my hand into her jeans and tease her through her panties.

“You got off the pill. I thought that was the green light.” I glanced down between us, harnessing all my willpower not to push the fabric aside and sink my fingers into her *.

“You threw my pills out half way through my cycle, so I didn’t bother getting a new prescription. Not quite the same.” She circled my wrist but didn’t slow my strokes. Instead, she slid her hand over mine, joining me as I rubbed her.

I smirked. “You didn’t argue.”

“Much,” she muttered, arching into my touch.

All I could think about was claiming her, reaching the deepest part of her, and binding us together in every way possible. The thought of trying for a baby had always been attractive. After all, f*cking her was no hardship. But making love to her was so much more than the physical act. I wanted to look deep into her eyes when I let go and know she wanted exactly what I wanted—a family, a future made up of the two of us and our children.

But if she wasn’t ready, she wasn’t ready.

I drew in a sobering breath, withdrew my touch, and rolled off of her onto my back. I scrubbed my fingers through my hair and tried to get my libido under control. Then she straddled across my hips. That wasn’t really helping matters.

“I thought you said you wanted to talk,” I grumbled.

“I do,” she said softly. “I want to do a lot more than talk, but…I’m scared that we’re moving too fast, Darren. Everything has been so rushed. With us, and then the wedding. I know I want this with you, but I don’t want to overwhelm either of us.”

I sighed and held her by the hips, ignoring the suggestiveness of her position over me. “Vanessa, I want to be overwhelmed. Especially by you and with you.”

“You say that now…” She lifted her shoulder and looked down to where her fingers tangled in my shirt.

She was being too cautious and careful, as usual. When we’d talked about it before, she’d seemed ready, but then something spooked her. Maybe it was seeing Maya go through these past couple months of late pregnancy. Maybe her work at Youth Arts was picking up speed and legitimately stressing her out enough to want to take a step back.

But if we waited until we were ready, we never would be. The thought of being a parent scared the shit out of me too, but the love that burned inside me for Vanessa was stronger than my fear. I was determined to have every experience with her, and if Cameron was brave enough to take the plunge, so was I.

I flipped her to her back again, but instead of stripping her down and ravaging her the way I wanted to, I simply stared into her eyes.

“I know you think I’m being my usual crazy impulsive self.” I hesitated, hoping she would truly believe what I was about to say. “I love you, Vanessa. More than my own life, and I know I’m going to love our children the same way. It’s going to be intense, more than we can even imagine right now. But I’m ready for that kind of love.”

Her expression softened with a sigh. “Darren…”

“I want a family with you, baby. I know it’s not obvious with the way my parents are, but Cam, Liv, and I had some good times. Being around them all the time makes me miss it. I had no idea if I would ever settle down, but I figured if I did, Cam’s and my kids would grow up together. I’ll wait as long as you want to, but—”

She pressed her fingers to my lips. “Darren, trust me, I’ve got baby fever. Like really bad. The second Maya told me she was pregnant, I started living vicariously through every milestone with her. But it’s a really big decision. I want to be sure you’re really ready too.”

She didn’t have to say it, but I could guess at the source of her hesitation. I feathered my fingertips over the freckles that danced across her nose and cheekbone.

“Red, I’m not like your dad. I’m not going anywhere. You and I, we’re partners for life. I’m going to be here, always, for you and for our family when we decide to have one.”

Her eyes glimmered with emotion. She sifted her fingers through my hair and pulled me down into a kiss. “Thank you.”

I lifted away a fraction, gazing into her eyes. “Do you believe me?”

She nodded. “I know you’re not like him. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. You just tell me when you’re ready.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but I swallowed whatever she might have wanted to say with another deep kiss. I roved my hands over her, tugging at her clothes and discarding mine. Ready or not, I was having her tonight. We could argue about the baby thing later. In the meantime, she was my wife and I had every intention of making her come until we were both completely wasted.

The second I had her naked, I was sinking into her. My love… my whole life. She was everything to me, and this was where I belonged—in her arms, every day of our lives.

I caressed her everywhere, kissing her, whispering in her ear. I loved her so damn much…

My body was on fire for her, responsive to every small touch and reaction between us as I made love to her. I was close and sensed she was too.