Over the Edge (Bridge #3)(48)
We stood like that, silence stretching out between our two groups—three people who’d fallen into feelings that we’d never expected or asked for, and the rest of my family, who might never understand it.
Vanessa’s jaw fell.
Darren took a threatening step forward. “Wait a minute. You’re seeing both of them?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but my lip was trembling, and all the words that justified the way I felt refused to come out. They sounded right in the closed circle of my relationship with Will and Ian. Here and now, under the judging eyes of Darren and the rest of my family, they were stifled and shameful.
Tears stung my eyes, but I lifted my chin, hoping I could hold my ground without breaking down.
“Yes, I’m with both of them. What difference does it make?”
My heart seemed to buoy with relief. Speaking the truth felt infinitely better than I’d expected it to. Ian’s hand tightened over mine. Will’s arm came around my shoulders and I leaned infinitesimally closer, savoring his gesture of support, of togetherness.
Darren’s eyes were wild and then narrowed threateningly between Ian and Will. “You’ve got to be kidding me. This is who you are now, Liv?”
Vanessa came to him and tugged at his arm. “Darren, stop. This is between them.”
He shrugged her off. “No, I’m not going to stand here and let these two defile my sister. Not in this lifetime.”
His fists got tighter, and Ian’s body tensed beside me like he was ready to fight. I stepped forward, positioning myself between them, away from the security of the two men who’d worked their way into my heart.
“Darren, I don’t need you to fight for me, okay? I’m fine. I know what I’m doing.”
“You have no idea. I know him. I know what he does to women, and I’m not letting him do it to you. That’s a f*cking promise.”
He’d given voice to a familiar worry that niggled at me. But deep down, I knew Ian had shown me a side that he hadn’t shown the other women he’d been with. What we had meant so much more.
“Why do you get to fall in love, but I don’t?”
Darren’s voice was softer when he spoke next, his posture relaxed enough to make me trust he wasn’t going to spring into action and take his rage out on Ian. “This isn’t love, Liv. This is some f*cked-up thing you don’t want to get mixed up in. I don’t know what they said to talk you into this, but you deserve so much better.”
“How do you know this isn’t what I deserve? This is a choice, not a circumstance that’s been forced onto me. I know what I want, and nothing you can say is going to change how I feel.”
He winced and shook his head. “This is f*cked up. Can’t you see it?”
My eyes were brimming with tears, and my voice wavered as I teetered on the edge of breaking down. “You’re just like Mom and Dad, you know that?”
“We’ve always been there for you.” Cameron’s voice was low and clear, ringing with truth. But disappointment and discontentment marred his brow and tightened his features.
My whole life I’d watched my parents look at my brothers and me that way whenever we strayed from their firm expectations. Never had I believed my brothers would look at me that way too. I felt more alone now than I ever had before in my life.
I swallowed down a sob. I couldn’t keep the tears at bay much longer.
“You’re right. You’ve always been there for me. Until now. I need your love, not your judgment. I have a mind, and I know what I want. Who I sleep with, who I love, how I choose to spend any minute of my life is my choice. Not yours, not Cameron’s, not Mom and Dad’s.”
When I thought about my parents’ inevitable disapproval on top of everything else, something inside me broke. They’d find out. If I was willing to admit my feelings in front of my brothers and their wives, I’d have to find a way to stand beside them when my parents came calling for answers. Except I had no idea how I’d survive that…
Tears streamed down my face as I pushed past everyone. I hurried back inside, found my purse, and left the party without saying good-bye to anyone. My face was likely a tear-streaked mess, and the thought of facing my parents was more than I could bear.
“Liv!” Maya’s voice echoed down the street, but I ignored it.
Will hurried toward me as I hailed an approaching cab. He caught my arm gently before I could duck inside. “Olivia, wait. Where are you going?”
“I’m going home.” My voice was watery, and the need to cry long and hard was nearly painful.
He thumbed away the tears as they fell. “Come home with us.”
Placing my hand over his, I leaned into his tender touch. I wanted to hide someplace safe, and no place was safer than with the two men who’d so unexpectedly and completely stolen my heart. But I needed time to think.
“I need to be by myself tonight, Will.”
“I don’t like the idea of you being alone.”
I shook my head. “I need to think.”
He frowned, his body suddenly tense. “I’m not losing you.”
More tears fell. “You’re not losing me. I just need some time, please.”
His jaw bunched and his lips formed a tight line. He didn’t want to let me go, but the voice that had guided me to this point told me loud and clear that I needed the comfort and security of my own apartment tonight. Quiet after the storm, time to work through everything that had happened.