Over the Edge (Bridge #3)(49)

“I’ll be fine, I promise. It’s just one night.”

“One night,” he said quietly but firmly.

I nodded, and he pressed a kiss to my forehead before letting me go.





Chapter Thirteen





OLIVIA



I ignored the persistent knock at the door and rolled over under my duvet with a miserable groan. If it was Cam or Darren or anyone else who wanted to throw in their two cents about my love life, they could keep knocking. I wasn’t planning on emerging anytime soon.

I’d hurried home last night, desperate to escape all the prying eyes. I’d hoped to find a measure of peace in the quiet of my apartment, but my thoughts were rioting all night. I’d promptly located a bottle of wine and drank nearly all of it, rotating moods between tearful self-pity and a place of righteousness that made Darren’s words undeniably shallow and foolish.

This morning my whole body ached. From the wine or the crying—or a combination of the two—I wasn’t sure. All I knew was my life had become incredibly messy. And if I wanted to live out of the bounds of what society expected of me, I was going to have to come to terms with messy. I was going to have to look messy in the face and own it as my new reality.

Was I even capable of that? I’d been pushing my limits left and right, but maybe I’d finally hit a wall.

I rose slowly from bed, regretting the dull throbbing in my head. At least the knocking had stopped. I showered and made myself some coffee. I dressed for the day but had no idea what I was going to do with myself. Darren and Cameron would be at the gym, kicking off the first day at the new location. I should have been there to lend a hand, but no way could I face them today. I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to. The future seemed grim, a long runway of unknowns.

Assessing the empty bottle of wine and the tissues littering my coffee table, I asked myself for the hundredth time if falling in love with two men was really worth it.

My relationship with my parents would be worth nothing once they found out. My brothers would continue believing I was either too na?ve to know better or a disillusioned slut. My friends… I hadn’t kept up with a lot of people since college, but my days pretending like I belonged with polite society were certainly numbered. The rumor mill and its loyal followers, many of whom would report back to my mother, would draw their own conclusions about what kind of woman I was.

I sank into the couch with a tired sigh. What was done was done. It was too late to pretend I’d made different choices. But it wasn’t too late to walk away from it all.

I’d started this unexpected journey with Will. He’d led me into Ian’s arms, but I was bound to Will in a way I couldn’t fully explain. He was intense, determined, and unapologetic about what he wanted. His dominance affected me deeply. He’d stripped me down until I was raw and real…only me. We were the same in so many ways—raised by wealthy families who had handed us everything money could buy from the day we were born. Yet we’d missed out on so many of the things that truly mattered. Family, love, precious time that no amount of money could buy back…

For Ian, having those things and losing them with his father’s death had wrapped him in a sadness that I was determined to fight through. Ian was warm and brave, a rich texture of emotion and beauty. I was drawn to him, utterly and completely. But if my family didn’t approve of Will, they’d never give Ian a second glance. My brother joining the fire service when he could have been a banker or an executive had been a crushing blow to my parents. Didn’t matter that Ian was saving lives and putting his own on the line too. He’d never be good enough, even if he meant everything to me.

Will and Ian had stormed into my life, seduced my body, and captivated my heart. I’d given them all of it—my trust, my submission, my love. Choosing between them would be asking me to rip my heart in half.

It would be easier to simply walk away.

I didn’t expect they’d make it easy for me, but I held the power to end it all. I could start over, try to forget what our time had meant, and one day, maybe try again with someone new. Someone who ticked all the boxes and wouldn’t make things messy and complicated. Someone who didn’t rock the foundation of my whole world.

I tried to picture what that might look like. Then I saw the emptiness I’d lived with for so long growing bigger and more painful. Without Ian and Will in my life, I’d become the old shell of me. Unfulfilled, lost, and searching for those missing pieces all over again. Except I’d be more brittle, hardened by fresh heartbreak.

Fresh tears burned my eyes. I set my coffee cup down. My appetite for consciousness and sobriety had effectively dissolved. My head fell into my hands, and I let the tears fall.

Even as I searched for the right answer, I knew deep down there wasn’t one. I had to feel my way through this like everything else. With all the noise around me—Will, Ian, my family, and all the people in my future who’d want a say in how I lived and loved—I had to somehow stay true to myself.

Another hard knock hit the door. I drew in a deep breath and wiped away my tears. I’d loosely considered holing up at a hotel for a few nights to avoid run-ins with Cam and Maya for a while, but the last thing I wanted to do was use my parents’ credit card for the extra expense. In fact, as soon as I’d weighed the possibility, I’d taken the scissors to it. I was done living under their thumb. I didn’t need the finer things in life as much as I needed my freedom.