Night Watch (Kendra Michaels #4)(39)

She couldn’t believe this, she thought desperately. She wanted him to shut up and touch her, to come inside her. She took a step closer. “No, you don’t.”

“Oh, yes. And I knew you’d be vulnerable tonight because you felt frightened and helpless. I even tried to back off. But I still moved too fast. Because I wanted it too damn much. Because I know it’s going to be fantastic.” He violently jerked open the door that led downstairs. “Shall I tell you what would happen if I screwed you tonight?”

“You don’t have to tell me. Just do it. I’d love it. I’d want it.”

“Don’t say that. And then afterward you’d feel uneasy about having me with you as a friend and partner, and you’d end up not calling me if you needed me. And I could find you dead in a fifty-gallon drum someday. You like the status quo, Kendra. The fastest way to lose you and everything we have right now would be to drag you down on this roof and f*ck you.”

He slammed the door behind him.

*

SHE STOOD THERE SHAKING, looking after him. What the hell had happened? She had never seen Lynch that explosive. He had wanted her. She knew he had wanted her.

And, my God, how she had wanted him. It had been crazy and sexual and pure need. How long had she been feeling that way about him and not letting herself recognize the intensity?

Too long.

But then she couldn’t remember ever feeling like that about any man. It had been bewildering and a little frightening. Not that she had shown him those emotions. She had been more aggressive than she’d ever been in her life. She had almost jumped him, dammit.

She sank down to the floor and linked her legs in her arms and rocked back and forth. Her body was still feeling hot and ready and aching.

And what would she have felt if she’d actually had him inside her?

Too much.

Lynch was always too much, always kept her on edge, always made her uncertain that she could handle him.

That was the man himself, not the sex with him.

But what if they were bonded together?

It could be mind shattering. What do you think?

He had said that, and she had instinctively shied away from answering. Because she had thought that he was right, and she was terrified of that lack of control.

She was now afraid that he had been right about a lot of things. Why not? she thought bitterly. He was the one who was so good at pulling the strings, who studied people and situations and developed them to suit himself. Who had studied Kendra’s thought processes and could guess what the aftereffects would be if she allowed herself to let their situation change.

She wasn’t a puppet. She would make her own decisions. She wouldn’t let herself be controlled by anyone. She would do what she wished.

And she would sit up here on this damn roof and not get near Lynch again until she made up her mind exactly what that was.

*

THE LIVING ROOM WAS in a shambles when Kendra came back down to the condo two hours later.

Boxes everywhere. Lamps and folded clothes on the floor and stacked against the far wall.

And Lynch moving back and forth, carrying more boxes from the spare bedroom.

Kendra frowned. “What are you doing?”

“Clearing out my bedroom. I decided the couch isn’t going to do the job.” He set the box down with the others. “You’ll have to find another place for all this stuff.”

“That’s my bedroom.”

“Not right now. It’s either giving me this spare bedroom or sharing yours. Since I decided that’s not going to happen at the moment, you’ll have to cooperate.”

“Will I? You’ve decided that the couch won’t do?”

“Yes, I’d be uncomfortable, and you’d be much closer to me. I’m not fond of self-sacrifice. I’d give it two nights.”

“Was that what you’d have given it when you first came?”

“No, but then I hadn’t realized how hot you are.” He met her eyes. “I’d lie there and think about it, then I’d go in and screw your brains out.”

She felt a wave of heat ripple through her as she looked at him. She’d thought when she’d come down from the roof that she had that erotic craving firmly under control. Evidently it was still vibrantly alive and ready to break free.

He shook his head as if he’d read her thoughts. “Uh-uh. Too soon, Kendra. It’s going to take awhile.”

“I think the sensible thing would be for you to go home,” she said steadily. “I’ve been thinking about what you said … what we did, and it’s probably best that we don’t see too much of each other for a few weeks or months. I’m really not the kind of woman that appeals to you and, you’re right, the way you live your life is very … foreign to me. It was just a random sexual moment that was—”

“Shut up, Kendra,” he said roughly. “I’m still aching, and I’m within a heartbeat of coming over there and starting it all again. I know that for the last two hours you were up there analyzing the situation, trying to put the pieces together in your usual brilliant fashion. Now you’re thinking that caution is best, and caution tells you to run away from me. It isn’t going to happen.”

“That’s really up to me, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s up to both of us. But I’m the one who is going to make the decision because I messed up, and I have to straighten it out.”