Nemesis(31)

“Rebecca told me she spoke to you. You need to listen to me, Jacinta—”

“How did you even get in?” I ask, closing the lid on the ice cream.

“I didn’t give Sadie much of a choice.”

He sits down next to me, turning my face towards him so I have no choice but to look into those slutty green eyes.

“You knew.”

“I knew what?” he asks softly, eyes scanning my face.

“You knew that I was going to ask you about something you didn’t want to explain, so you distracted me instead.”

The night I was going to ask him about what Dan told me, and he said ‘sex first, questions later.’ How manipulative can a person be? How deceiving? Is everything he told me a lie? Am I just one of many to him? Yeah, maybe I’m his favourite, considering he does spend a lot of time with me, but so what? Maybe I’m just his flavour of the month. Or for two months, as it’s been.

“What did she tell you?” he demands, eyes flashing with worry, and maybe even a little panic.

Good.

Let him panic.

“You know, Dan told me to ask you about your women. I was going to, that night, but then I didn’t. Would you have told me the truth?” I ask, rushing the words out. I take a deep breath and continue. “I know you said we’re not exclusive, so you’re probably going to tell me that I can’t be mad, even though, when you said that, this is not what I was thinking. I didn’t think you’d have a f*cking squad, and I sure as f*ck didn’t think you’d be adding me to it. Jesus, Cohen!”

He’s gone still next to me. Dropping his hand from my face, he says, “It’s not like that, Jacinta. At least it wasn’t with you.”

“I’ll bet,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t believe this. How stupid have I been? You failed to mention you have a squad of women on speed dial, just waiting for you to call on them, Cohen. You said we’re not exclusive, yes, but not that I was joining a f*cking harem.”

“Jacinta, I didn’t even s—”

“You gave me the attention a boyfriend would give a girlfriend! How the f*ck did you fit the other women in? It must be a f*cking full-time job keeping so many women happy!” I yell, gritting my teeth together. “You gave me more attention than any of my ex-boyfriends did, yet we were nothing. Nothing. Do you know how much that f*cks with my head?”

“Baby,” he whispers, trying to hold me. “You need to listen to me, please. Just let me explain.”

“So you can twist it around and manipulate me again? You always have the upper hand, Cohen, always one step ahead of me. You win. I don’t want to play anymore. I let you in…” I stop, wiping the tears that start to drip down my cheek of their own accord. “I let you in, Cohen. I never let people in, but you… I gave you a chance. I trusted you.”

“Fucking hell, Jacinta, you’re breaking my heart. You need to calm down, take deep breaths. Everything Rebecca said isn’t the truth, okay?”

“So you don’t have a f*cking squad?”

He goes silent.

Answer enough.

“Get out, Cohen.”

He reaches out to me, but I turn away.

He stands, then says, “I’ll be back tomorrow. There’s no point trying to talk to you when you’re like this.”

He leaves.

And I cry some more.

*****

I spend all of Sunday on the couch too, dreading tomorrow, when I’d have to see Cohen at work. I hear him knocking on the door around lunchtime, but I don’t open it; I just pretend that no one is home. He calls, I don’t pick up. He sends messages, I don’t read them. All I do is feel sorry for myself, binge-eat and sleep. I’ll just give myself today, but then tomorrow I need to be back in fine form. I need to walk into work with my head held high. I need to appear unaffected.

But today? Today, I get to do whatever I want to try and stop the pain that a broken heart brings. I don’t understand Cohen. How could he act so loving and sweet towards me? Was it like that with everyone in his cabinet? Is he so broken that he can’t just spend time with one woman? Does he need backups? How does his mind work? He said he can explain, but I don’t see how. When he meant we weren’t exclusive, he wasn’t kidding, was he?

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know how to get over this shit.

Why me?

I’m destined to be alone forever.

I should just start buying puppies now, so I can start being a crazy dog lady. How am I meant to trust another man after this? Although I won’t go to such drastic measures to protect myself as Cohen did. The sad thing is I never would have betrayed him. I would never hurt him, lie or cheat.

I f*cking love him.

And that thought makes me cry even harder.





Chapter Seventeen


Today is day three of no Cohen, and I’m back at work. After crying pretty much all day yesterday, I feel much better—dead inside, but much better. I’m a strong, independent woman, and I can do this. I can be professional. Cohen Lake is dead to me, so RIP Cohen. May you join Dan and everyone else I dislike.

When I see him, I avoid eye contact. Those white shirts I loved so much on him? They now annoy me. Those emerald green eyes? I never want to look into them again. And that dimple? I f*cking hate dimples.