My Blood Approves (My Blood Approves #1)(73)

“I don’t think I want kids anyway.” I had actually thought about it very little, but for the most part, the idea of having a child didn’t sound that appealing.

“Well, you might change your mind when the option is taken away from you,” Mae replied thoughtfully. “It’s just something for you to think about.”

“I will,” I promised her, but I doubted that it would affect my decision at all.

Even if she was right, if someday I regretted never having children, I could only make the decision now, based on my current state of mind. And right now, having children didn’t seem that important.

“The day my daughter was born was the happiest day of my life.” Her expression stretched into a deep smile, and her eyes filled with happy tears. “She was so beautiful. Her eyes were huge and blue, just like Philip’s. And she had these soft, downy curls, the same as I had had when I was born. I remember the first time I held her in my arms, and the soft warm weight of her body… I promised her I’d never let anything bad happen to her.” She exhaled heavily, and the sadness started seeping into her eyes.

“I named her Sarah, after my mother.” She wiped at her cheek, trying to catch a tear before it fell. “Everyday with her was absolute heaven. I’m sure every mother thinks her child was perfect, but she really was. She rarely cried, and she woke with this beautiful smile on her chubby cheeks. I quit my job at the deli just so I could spend as much time with her as I could. Every moment with her just seemed so absolutely precious.

“One night, I was preparing supper, and I realized that we were out of milk,” Mae went on. “We had a man who would deliver milk to our house, but with having a toddler, we went through milk faster than normal. Sarah was nearly two, and I had stopped breastfeeding not long before that.

“Philip had just gotten home from work, so I didn’t want to send him back out. Besides that, the corner market was only two blocks down and it was a beautiful night.

“I remember that I had been wearing this beautiful spring dress with blue flowers that I’d made from a pattern. It was one of my favorites, and I had been meaning to make a smaller version for Sarah just as soon as I got more fabric.”

She hesitated before she spoke again, and I almost thought she might not go on anymore. Whatever she had meant to tell me had become too painful, but finally, she continued.

“He was so attractive that I would’ve gone with him anywhere,” Mae said bitterly, but she was angrier with herself than him. “I had barely made it a block, and then he just appeared out of nowhere.

“In retrospect, he wasn’t half as handsome as Ezra is, but to my human sense, he was an Adonis. I never even put up a fight. When he led me away into the trees, I was too intoxicated by him to think of Sarah. He sunk his teeth into my neck, and I thought for sure I was dying, but it felt so good, that I didn’t even care. I should’ve been pleading for my life, for Sarah, but I just…”

“You couldn’t do anything,” I tried to comfort her. While I had never been in the exact same position, I knew how impossible it was to think when a vampire wanted your blood. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“But I loved her!” Mae insisted fiercely. “I just wanted to spend the rest of my life watching her grow up and being a part of her life! But instead I went into a patch of trees, and let a vampire bite me.

“He drained me, but then instead of leaving me to recover and go back to my family, he offered his blood to me. He said I tasted too good to waste on a human life. I didn’t understand what he meant, and I was still completely under his spell, so I did as I was told.” She smiled painfully and rolled her eyes at her own ignorance.

“I had a choice!” Her voice broke sharply. “I’m the only one that did. Ezra was forced into it, and Peter and Jack were done to save their lives. But me, somebody asked me. I didn’t understand what it meant, and yet I agreed to it. Willingly.”

“But you couldn’t have known.” I thought about reaching out to touch her, but she was too angry.

“For two days afterwards, I laid in the trees, afraid to move,” Mae went on. “The virus attacked my body, and everything changed and died. I was weak and in pain, and I had no idea what was happening to me.

“Then finally, my strength returned, only much more brilliantly then it had before. And this unquenchable thirst. All the while I had been writhing in pain, all I had been able to think about was Sarah and how much I wanted to get back to her. But as soon as I felt that hunger, I knew that I could never go back to her. I couldn’t trust myself.

“Within my first few hours as a vampire, I nearly killed our neighbor, I was so hungry. After my bloodlust calmed down, I felt safe enough to check on Sarah. I hid in the backyard and peered in through the window.

“Before I even got near the house, I heard Sarah crying. Philip was carrying her around trying to calm her down, saying ‘We’ll find your Mama. She’ll come back to you.’” Fresh tears streams down her cheeks, and the car started to slow.

We were on a suburban street I had never seen before, and Mae parked on the side of the road, underneath a tree.

“I slept in the woods during the day, and at night, I would sit outside the window and just watch Sarah. She cried for me every night for a month. Philip had the police searching for me, so I had to be very careful that no one would spot me.” She sighed heavily. “I lived that way for over six months. I wore the same dress, and fed on our neighbor, since he was nearby. If Ezra hadn’t found me, I don’t know what would’ve become of me. Maybe I’d still be living out behind that house.”