My Blood Approves (My Blood Approves #1)(71)

“I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.” Ezra played with a long, wavy strand of Mae’s hair absently, and she buried her head in his chest. I realized that I hated people who were so comfortably in love, especially when my “love” life was bogged down by all sorts of unnecessary stipulations.

“What’s going to happen?” I asked bluntly.

“You’ll have to be more specific. There’s a lot of things up in the air for you.” He didn’t mean anything by it, but it stung just the same.

Nothing for me was set in stone, which should’ve been a relief, but I didn’t like having everything feel so uncertain and precarious.

“Exactly.” I took a deep breath. “Am I just gonna live here forever? What happens when Peter gets back? He doesn’t want me around. Should I even stay here with him? What if he keeps rejecting me? Am I supposed to just go back to my life? Are you planning on me someday being a vampire?”

“You can stay here as long as you want, regardless of how Peter feels. He has other places he can go if need be. You have made yourself an indispensable part of this family.” Ezra looked down at Mae, carefully choosing his words.

“Peter… No matter how any of us feels, there is a bond between you and Peter that is not easily broken. For his sake, as well as our own, it is essential that you remain a part of our lives.” His russet eyes rested warmly on mine. “As such, yes, it would be in everyone’s best interest if you were to turn.”

Looking down at the floor, I exhaled and tried futilely to slow the frantic beating of my heart. I knew they all could hear it, and Jack especially was susceptible to it.

The thought of being a vampire, which had crossed my mind much more frequently than I had ever imagined it would, both excited and terrified me, but that was par for the course. Nearly everything about them was simultaneously exciting and terrifying, and I could never seem to reconcile the two.

“Alice, it’s really awesome,” Jack chimed in helpfully. “You’ve seen me. I’m awesome.”

“Jack,” Mae scolded him.

“It’s not a decision you can take lightly,” Ezra went on, and Mae had gotten a particularly solemn expression. I didn’t fully understand it, especially based on how much she loved having me around. “This is something that changes everything about your life, and it’s irreversible. If you decide that this is what you want to do, you cannot go back. But if you decide not to turn, we won’t hold it against you.”

“It will make your life harder, though,” Jack interjected.

“Jack!” Mae snapped. “You can’t make this choice for her!”

“I’m not trying to!” Jack sighed dramatically and shook his head.

“If you do turn, the thirst is a bit overwhelming, as Jack can attest to,” Ezra gestured to Jack, who nodded heavily in agreement. “All your senses become much more heightened, and all your movements feel exaggerated. Your emotions are stronger, too. They’re all right at the surface, and you’re volatile. You’re libido increases, as does your general lust for anything.”

“It’s almost like being a child again,” Jack elaborated. “Everything feels so new, and you’re clumsy.”

“Your body has to acclimate to a whole new way of being. It’s not a simple process,” Ezra continued. “The hardest thing to deal with at first is the bloodlust. The hunger you feel now can’t even compare to what you’ll feel then. It’s a hard thing to learn to control, but it is very manageable once you do.”

“So, you guys are always hungry?” I asked nervously.

“In a way,” Ezra admitted. “But it’s not that intense. If it was, you wouldn’t have survived this long.”

“Thanks.” I wondered how I could feel so safe in the house with them.

“It’s not meant to be a threat,” Ezra laughed. “It’s just the way things are. For the most part, being a vampire is a wonderful, amazing gift. But there are two things that are double-edged swords.

“The first is the blood,” Ezra went on. “Its life giving, and there aren’t words to describe how wonderful it makes you feel. But when you can’t feed for any prolonged length of time, say several weeks, it is the most excruciatingly pain imaginable. Before you get your bloodlust under control, the frenzy of feeding can have horrendous ramifications. It is an immeasurable pleasure, but unless it’s properly controlled, it is devastatingly dangerous.”

“That’s good to know,” I swallowed hard.

“I’ve got it under control for the most part, and I have horrible impulse control,” Jack offered.

“The second thing is immortality.” Ezra breathed deeply and looked down at Mae. She had a faraway, sad look, and I hoped that someone would explain it to me. “We’re not truly immortal. If you damage our brain or our heart, or we go long enough without feeding, we will die. But barring another vampire attacking us, there really is very little that stops us. We are slow to turn other vampires as a result of it. So, please, don’t think this is a casual invitation we are giving you.”

I felt humbled. It actually hadn’t occurred to me that there would be a limit on vampire membership, but it was incredibly flattering knowing that I was even being considered.