Moth(72)

“Just wake up. I’m here. I haven’t left. Don’t give up, Nina. It’s not time for you to go.” I’m trying to hold back the fear, but as I speak it’s obvious. “I love you. Please don’t give up.”

Nothing happens. She doesn’t move. Her fingers remain in the same position as I hold them. It’s no use.

The doctors arrive shortly later and begin the process of disconnecting her from life support. I sit at her side a withering wreck. I don’t want to watch this, but I can’t take my eyes away from her. I need to be there until it’s over. I need to be able to know I was there up until the very end.

It’s dead silent when the machines shut off. A nurse comes to my side and whispers that she could go at any moment so I need to say my goodbyes just in case. They don’t hook her up to a heart monitor. There is no consistent beeping reminding me she’s still here. It’s just quiet. It’s eerily cryptic, like it would sound when someone is buried six feet in the ground.

Hours pass, and each time they come to check she’s still with us. I’m resolved at this point. I know I’m fighting time she doesn’t have left, but I remain. It’s six hours later and I feel a twitch against my hand. I perk up and look to make sure I’m not imagining it. I can’t remember the last time I closed my eyes.

There it is again.

Her index finger is moving.

I hit the buzzer for the nurse to come and continue watching, hoping, praying that this is really happening. Then I hear her gurgle. She’s straining as her eyes flash open. I stand over her and run my hand through her hair. “Shh, don’t try to talk.” I can barely see her because of the wetness forming in my eyes. “The nurse is coming. It’s going to be okay. Oh god it’s going to be okay, babe.”

Nina struggles for the next several days. She’s still in critical condition, but improving every day. I’ve managed to pick her up a pad and pen, while I was out showering and putting on clean clothes, so she can talk to me without speaking. On the eighth day she’s able to sit up in bed. We pass the time by playing cards and watching television. We don’t talk about what happened, or the fact that Nico is gone. I think in a lot of ways she’s too weak to understand the concept of time. I’ve never explained how many days she’s been in the hospital and she hasn’t asked. She’s on a ton of medication to manage the pain, so her mind isn’t functioning normal enough for her to understand or comprehend anything of importance.

Nina spends another seven days in the hospital in Guatemala until she’s well enough to be transferred to a facility back in the states. From there she’ll go through extensive rehabilitation where I won’t be able to stay with her. I’m saddened, but know I have business to tend to.

Having time to ponder gave me a real chance to go over the hard evidence I’ve been too occupied to notice. There were signs from the beginning, yet up until I took matters into my own hands the leak wasn’t obvious.

I’ve gone above his head to make this happen. I wasn’t even sure it would work, but at this point I don’t give a shit what happens with my job. I’ll find something else to do if I need to.

I’m not there when the CIA takes my director into custody. According the team, he claims he’s being falsely accused. We know he’s full of shit. He masterminded my brother being murdered, and then the plan to have me taken care of. I hope he’s murdered by the people I’ve spent my life putting away. There’s irony somewhere in that.

My new director isn’t happy with me. He’s elated we’ve taken down Alizar, and found the leak in our division, but it doesn’t mean the operation is over, or that I didn’t just double his workload.

There is always someone else just waiting to step in and take over. The same goes for my job and my ex-director. As soon as I’m able I head back to Miami and report for duty. I walk into his office and take the seat across from him. I’ve know Agent Sully for around seven years. He’s a good guy with a ton of arrests under his belt. It’s a pleasure to be in the presence of him. “Moth, it’s about time you got your ass in here. From what the guys have been saying you’ve gone soft. They tell me you’re in love.”

I smirk, but know they’re partly right. Things have changed and with Nina on the road to recovery I can’t be traveling and away for long periods of time. “I am.” I smile before continuing. “About that. I’m not here to be reassigned or be put back on duty. I’m actually here to put in my resignation. It’s been an honor, but I think I’m done with the DEA. I’ve spent the last couple years obsessed with Alizar. I put people in danger, and others lost their lives. I know I’m not to blame, but I carry the burden regardless. I’ve had a hit out on me, and discovered someone I trusted was working for the enemy. This case changed me. I’m tired of living out of a suitcase not knowing if I’m going to make it back the next time around.”

“This is about the FBI agent, right? She’s obviously the reason for this change. Falling in love makes this job hard.” He’s rocking back in his chair as if he knew this was coming. Perhaps he did. Maybe House or Renner mentioned it. It’s not like I’ve wanted to leave her side since the shooting.

“Yeah. It has everything to do with her.” I pull out my badge and slide it over toward him, then unfasten my gun from the holster and do the same. “I guess that’s all you need, aside from the email I’ll be sending this afternoon.”