Mine to Fear (Mine #3)(58)
“Thank you. I will send back as many warlocks as I can to help.”
“We should pack our things and move out before the day is over,” Cynthia says.
I grab Serena and Cynthia with one arm and pull them into a group hug. “I will miss you both so much.”
“And we'll miss you,” Serena says.
Chapter Forty-Five
It's quiet without Cynthia to share a room with. Or what passes for our room in any case. It's quieter still when I help at practice. Without Cynthia and Serena, nothing is the same.
The week moves slowly. Training others. Helping with chores around the place. An uneventful trip for food. Everything falls into place, as long as it's contained within our own little world.
I stare at the target my group of trainees are trying to hit, and it blurs into mush. There's no excitement around. No fun. Nothing but everyone taking a deep breath in the hopes that soon we will win this war.
I shake myself out of it. I can't ignore those who need my help as much as I'm tired and ready for a break. As much as I wish my friends were back, with all the help we desperately need.
I walk down the line of girls and one warlock. He didn't have anywhere to go, so he stayed here when most others were sent back into society. He doesn't need much encouragement. He hits his target every time with a different type of spell.
The next girl is doing all right. I give her a few pointers, which she quickly takes. The next in line is Phyllis. She's standing, staring at the target like I was doing only moments before. Hopefully, her thoughts are more pleasant than mine, but judging by the frown on her face, it's unlikely.
“How are you doing?” I ask her.
She glances up at me before looking back at her target. “I'm fine.”
I move a little closer and lower my voice. “Are you sure? Is there anything you'd like to talk about? Anything I can help you with?”
She mumbles something I can't make out.
“What was that?”
She shakes her head. “I don't know that I like practicing magic. It feels…wrong.”
“Wrong how? Maybe we just need to adjust the way you're doing something.”
“I don't think that's it.”
“What do you think it is, then?”
She lets out a long breath. “I know what you all say, and I know what I've seen all of you do, but magic is meant for warlocks. Men. Not someone like me.”
“You're worth more than you think. You can do this. I know you can.”
She says nothing, her mouth making a thin line.
“Why don't you show me a spell? Nothing fancy, just a burst of pure magic?” Not only will it help me gauge how she's doing with her spell casting, but the color of light might give me a better indication of her mood.
She holds up her hand like she's getting ready to cast a spell, only nothing happens. A moment later, she drops her hand. “I'm sorry. I just can't do it.”
I put a hand on her shoulder. “That's all right. We can try again later.” Though I think we'd better not take her on any fights. Not if she can't bring herself to do even a simple spell here.
“Do you really think we can do it?” she asks.
“Do what?”
“Win the war against the Grand Chancellor?”
Though I'm questioning it myself, I don't dare say anything of the sort to her. “Of course we can.”
“What will happen to us if we can't? Will we be tarnished?”
I look at her, really look. I can't sugar coat it any more than I already have. She's been punished before, and she knows what this country is like better than I do. Why else would she have spied on Serena instead of befriending her? I know she would have been tarnished if she hadn't told on Serena to Stephen. She's faced it before and came out better than she went in. She can do it again.
“I'm afraid being tarnished would be the least of our worries if we lose,” I say. “But honestly, I don't know exactly what will happen to us.”
She nods, more solemn than when I first started talking to her. “If you don't mind, I think I'm done practicing for the day.”
“Of course,” I reply. “Please let me know if there's anything you want to talk about.”
She nods, but the way she presses her lips together makes me wonder if she really will.
After she leaves, I continue helping the others for another hour. Finally, I release them all, and Tawny goes with them to hopefully do something relaxing. I can't bring myself to move. After talking to Phyllis, I'm feeling extra downtrodden.
Chadwick walks over, bringing me a drink. “Care to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?”
“Whatever it is that's bothering you. What's making you act so un-Waverly like.”
“What good will talking about it do? Those people will still be trapped in power plants across the country. The Grand Chancellor will still be in power. Cynthia and Serena will still be gone. I just don't see how talking helps.”
“Coming from the girl who used to love to do nothing but talk.” When I don't respond, he sighs. “I just want you to be happy, and I don't know how to help you get there.”