Mine to Fear (Mine #3)(55)

“I was just wondering if…”

I sit up. “Yes?”

“If you would like to talk. About what just happened.”

The ache deep within me grows heavier, like a rock pile that just keeps having more and more rocks added to it. It's something I want to ignore and never think on again. But something about his manner, his presence leaves me wanting to speak despite myself. “Why don't you come in? Have a seat. Cynthia won't mind if you borrow her bed. I'm sorry we don't have any chairs.”

“We don't have much of anything in here.” He moves to the very end of Cynthia's bed, the end closest to me, and sits on the edge. I expect him to say something more, but he doesn't. He just waits.

“I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for leaving them behind,” is what finally comes out of my mouth.

Even though he's already on the edge of the bed, he scoots closer. “We didn't have a choice.”

“I know that. I do. But they don't have a choice either. They're chained to a machine that sucks their magic from them even as they make it. It's horrifying, and we left them there. I just left them there.”

“Because I dragged you away.”

“You had to. Otherwise I wouldn't have left.”

“Which means if anyone is at fault, it's me.”

I scoot to the end of my bed, closer to him. “You saved my life.”

“So you can try to save theirs again someday. Hopefully soon.”

“You're right.” But still I feel deflated. “We just don't have enough people or magic behind us to defeat the Grand Chancellor and his men.”

“Don't you dare give up now.”

I flop back down on my bed. “But how can we not? This was a hopeless task before it even started.”

“You don't really mean that.”

“But I do. If I and the other Sanos hadn't interfered with Chardonia, things wouldn't be this bad.”

“Yet, where would I be?”

I sigh and shake my head.

“No, I mean it,” he persists. “Where would I be? What type of person would I be like?”

I can't help it. I sit up and give him a wry grin. “You'd be ornerier than an old man.”

He laughs. “Not just that, but I'd not respect women like they deserve.”

“Plus, Serena would have never met Zade and would be under the control of some horrid warlock, and Cynthia would never have shown so many Chardonians she could do magic in the first place. She may have even been caught doing magic and been sacrificed and had all memories of her erased by those she cared about.”

“Exactly,” he says. The tone of his voice becomes more serious and deeper. “And I wouldn't have met you.”

My heart flutters. My stomach becomes light, giddy. Is this what falling in love feels like?

We lean closer to each other. And closer. Are we going to kiss? I want to kiss him. I want to know what it feels like to have a man's lips pressed against mine. To feel my heart soar higher than the clouds.

Is this what falling in love feels like? Sunshine in my chest, lighting to a fire at the thought of a kiss and roaring into a heated passion as our lips meet? This is more than I ever hoped I would feel. I pull Jack closer, not wanting the moment to end.

There are footsteps before I even have time to register them. Someone is coming. Cynthia appears. Drat this place and it not having any privacy.

“I'm, uh, interrupting I think,” Cynthia says. “I'll just go.”

She's gone before I have a chance to tell her to stay. It's just as well. I probably wouldn't have said it anyway, despite all the politeness my mother drilled into me because the last thing I want right now is someone else around. Even if the mood is already gone. We've both pulled back. No finding out what it's like to kiss him. At least not right now.

It's just as well. Kissing a man is serious business. If I'm going to kiss him, I want to make sure it's what we both really want. Though it's hard to think that right here and now with us both leaning back in toward each other. With the way he's gazing at my lips like they are the most important object in all the world.

Forget thinking about things. I want that kiss.

I stand, and he does so as well, only I move the few paces to him, put a hand on each side of his face, and kiss him. It happens so fast, I almost don't believe I actually did it. But his lips are pressed to mine and mine to his. His arms wrap around me, pulling me in closer.

I never knew a kiss could feel like this. Warm and good, with the flutters from earlier racing up and down my entire body. I never want it to end. And it doesn't. It just goes on with burning heat.

Someone clears their throat. We yank apart with sudden coldness. It grows even colder when I see who interrupted us. Chadwick.

“Um…hi.” Most awkward moment. Ever. “How can I help you?”

He glances at Jack, no, more like a glare, and then looks back at me. “I just wanted to make sure you’re well after everything that happened. But I can see I shouldn't have come. I'll talk to you later.”

He turns to leave. I call after him, “Chadwick, wait.”

But he's already gone.

“I should be going as well,” Jack says.