Lustly(33)

He looked down at the money and back up at me completely confused. “How did you get this money? Why would you give it to me? Don’t you need it?”

“I need my attorney to be paid.”

Eli stared at me until I would finally look up at him. I could see the hurt in his eyes and it made me cry more. I closed my eyes and felt him grabbing my hand, shoving the money back in it. “Your money is no good here, Lily. For two months you’ve become more than a friend to me. I refuse to let you give me money when I know you need it. I’ll draw up any papers you want. I’ll take everything that man owns and make sure you get it. I’ll do anything to make you smile.”

“Stop it.”

“What?” He tried to grab me again.

“Stop being nice to me. I don’t deserve it, and I certainly don’t deserve you.” I shook my head and pushed past him. “I have to go.”

He followed me out into the parking lot and stopped when we both reached my van. He spun me around before I could get in. “You’re just going to walk away? My friendship means that little to you?”

I shook my head and cried harder. If he only knew how much it meant to me. “That’s not it.”

“Then tell me, Lily. Tell me why you don’t want to see me anymore. Tell me why we can’t be friends. I won’t ask for anything more. You know that.”

“I can’t talk about it.” I covered my face with my hands, feeling embarrassed that we were in a busy parking lot.

He lifted my chin and removed my hands, then started kissing away my tears. Finally he pulled me into his arms and let me cry. We stood there for a while just holding each other. My tears stopped, and I felt calm enough to be able to talk without losing it. Eli spoke first. “Take that money and put it toward a new place.”

“If you knew the truth about me, you wouldn’t want to help me.”

“That’s my decision to make, not yours.”

“Eli, you’re successful and too kind for your own good. You don’t need someone who is so damaged. You need a young woman that can give you children of your own, who only knows what loving you feels like. I can never be that kind of woman again, not after everything. I can’t trust. It’s impossible.”

“You’re not going to tell me what you did, are you?”

He was going to push until I caved and the thought of telling him that I was whoring myself out wasn’t something I ever wanted to admit. “No.”

I could tell he was pissed. His jaw tightened and his forehead creased. “If you change your mind, I’ll be around.”

“If I promise to still come and file, will you let me go home?”

“Yes.”

“Then I promise.”

He took a step back and reached to open the van door for me. I climbed in and watched him closing the distance between us. His hand touched my leg, and before I could protest, his lips were on mine. I loved the way he kissed me, almost like Frankie did. Charlie was always so fast, but these two new kissers were slow and passionate. When he pulled away I still had my eyes closed. “Look at me, Lily.”

I opened them and gazed into his. “When I look at you I see a man that I wish I could have more with.” My bottom lip began to tremble as I confessed. “I didn’t want to come back because I know I won’t be able to stop myself from wanting you. I’m trying to be strong and do the right thing, but then you kiss me like that and all I want is for you to take me home with you and make love to me over and over again.”

He let out a chuckle and leaned in to kiss me again. With his mouth touching mine he spoke. “Do you want to take my car or yours?”

I was shocked. I’d spent two hours in a hotel room with a stranger, hours before. Sure, I didn’t have sex, but it was still foreplay. Now Eli wanted to take me home with him for an afternoon delight. As much as I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t say no without hating myself. Maybe if we made love one time I’d be able to get him out of my system and move forward. “You know I can’t. I have to get the kids off the bus soon.”

“Tomorrow? Meet me tomorrow at my house? I’ll text you the street address.”

I put my head on the steering wheel as I spoke. “Eli, just get in the van.”

We took some short cut to his house and he had me pull into his garage. Once inside of his house I looked around. It was a large two-story, and the kitchen was to die for but looked as if it had never been used. A dog came out of nowhere but never barked. The short and stubby English bulldog came over and welcomed her owner. Eli bent down to greet her. “Hey sweet girl. Daddy’s home.”

“What’s her name?”

“Delilah.”

“You’re kidding? My dog is named Samson.”

We both got a good laugh out of it, before Eli got his serious look on his face. He cleared his throat. “Come here, Lily.”

I stepped forward breaking the distance between us. He ran his hands over my cheeks and then my lips. I closed my eyes and felt our mouths touching. His tongue began to mingle with mine. He pulled away with this puzzled look on his face. “This isn’t right. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

“I drove.”

“Lily, I want you, but not like this. Just go home and do what you have to do. I’ll call you tomorrow when you have a fresh head.”