Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(64)

“You do realize that you kept his child from him. Somethin’ like that can change a man, you know?”

“Yes, but even tonight, he started to walk away angry and didn’t leave until he had calmed down.”

Bobby stopped talking. I half expected him to have fallen asleep, being that it was in the wee hours of the morning.

“Are you there?”

“Katy, I think I shouldn’t come home for a while. Maybe you need to get things figured out first.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“The reason that man can’t hurt you is because he loves you.”

I shook my head even though I knew he couldn’t even see me. “No. He’s over feeling something like that for me. B was the last straw for him.”

Bobby chuckled. “Katy, open your eyes. He’s back from the dead. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about bein’ with him. You forget sometimes how well I know you.”

“It won’t happen. I’m married to you, Bobby.”

The line was quiet again. “Yeah, you are. For now.”

It hurt to hear him say that. My love for Brooks was forever, but it didn’t mean that I would ever want to hurt Bobby and end my marriage. Life didn’t work out the way we wanted it to. Mine had been filled with heartache for as long as I could remember. It wasn’t going to magically fix itself.

“I promise you that I’m not going anywhere. You may not believe me, but I love you, Bobby. I owe you so much and I want you to be able to come home knowing that we’re in this together.”

I meant what I said. I wanted him home with me.

“Are you sure it’s what you want?” I hated that he couldn’t accept I was sincere.

“Yes. Come home to me and B. We need you.”

After we’d hung up, I went and stood at the door, waiting for Bobby to pull down our long driveway. I think it pleased him to see me standing there watching out for him.

As soon as he took that last step onto the porch, I was outside wrapping my arms around him.

He pulled away and brushed the hair away from my face. “Let’s get you inside.”

I held Bobby’s hand as we walked to the bedroom. We were both too exhausted to change into pajamas. I stripped down to my underwear and climbed under the covers, watching Bobby do the same thing. He pulled me close against his chest and ran his fingertips over the skin on my back. “I’m scared of losing you, Katy. It’s not even of question of if. It’s a question of when. I’m not a fool. No matter how much you love me, he’s still the one. He always will be. I can’t compete and I’m thinkin’ that I’d rather pull myself out of the game before you yank it all away from me.”

I sat up and looked into his pain stricken eyes. “Don’t talk like that. Please, Bobby. Close your eyes and hold me. It’s you that I wanted to be with tonight, not Brooks.”

Bobby sighed, but right away I could hear him crying. It hurt me so much knowing that no matter how much I tried to deny it, my feelings for Brooks weren’t going to go away. It was important to be true to my husband, but if Brooks wanted me, I didn’t know if I’d be able to reject him. Knowing that killed me and I vowed to do whatever it took to spare my marriage. After all, B deserved to have both of her daddies in her life. That I was sure of.

She woke us up at about eight, after sleeping for only a few hours. I left Bobby in bed so that he could sleep in while taking her out into the kitchen to give her breakfast. She was such a happy little girl, always smiling and filling me with joy. It was good that she was still so young though, because I’d never want her to have to go through all of this while understanding the seriousness of it all. Besides, she’d end up hating me for it and I never would want that to happen.

I noticed she was looking all around the house and turned to look behind me, thinking Bobby had woken up. “What is it pretty girl?”

“Where man, Mama?”

My stomach twirled around hearing her asking where Brooks had gone. Of course, when she’d fallen asleep he was with her and now he’d vanished. In her eyes she probably assumed he was magic, like some of her cartoons.

“He went bye byes.”

She turned and looked out the window.

“Sweetie, he’ll be back later. You’re going to be seeing him every day. How exciting is that? Mama’s so happy for you.”

My daughter turned and her eyes were lit up with excitement. She’d only known him for several hours and already she was infatuated with him.

I heard Bobby cough and turned to see him standing there behind me. The sheer pain in his face brought me to the brink of emotional despair. He’d heard what I’d said to B and it had broken his heart even more than it already was and I didn’t know what to say or do to make it better.

Without a single word, he took his cup of coffee and walked out of the room, leaving me to sit there and regret ever talking about Brooks to his daughter.

After she was done shoveling eggs and bananas into her mouth, I washed B’s face and let her out of her chair. She went running into the room, looking for her dada. I heard him get excited when he saw her and I walked in to find him rolling on the floor with her. She was laughing and holding him as he playfully tickled her belly.

Then, all of the sudden he stopped. Bobby just lay there staring at B. He brushed her face with the back of his hand. “Dada loves B so much.”